Sarah chose Infinite Pleasure by The Pale White. It was the big game of the weekend. Manchester United against Liverpool. All the pundits were expecting a tight game. I am not so sure. The champagne is good though. Dom Pérignon Rosé Vintage 2009. Who is going to be the Star by Bryan Ferry? Will it be Ten Hag or Arnie Slot?

I am still reeling from the fact that McTominay was sold. I just don’t get it.

After seven minutes Alexander Arnold had the ball in the back in the net but it was ruled out by VAR. The omens were poor for United. To quote Sean Dyche after Everton’s insane implosion against Bournemouth. You could smell it.

Liverpool however looked extremely threatening. Gravenberch had all the space in the world to cut through the midfield. He made Mainoo look average.

You could see it straight away. The gulf between the teams.

Without foundations there is no team. Without the groundwork there is no organisation. Without the infrastructure there is zero confidence.

Liverpool are purring like panthers. The whole system works and they have the organisation at the back and the firepower up top. They will compete for the title. They are Riders on the Storm by The Doors.

Just after the half hour mark Gravenberch again took control of the midfield without being challenged by Casemiro. Mo Salah given time by the charitable Martinez to put a peach of a cross on to the back post. There was Diaz with a free header. He was Travelling Alone by 22 Layers. He duly put Liverpool ahead. Too easy.

The Manchester United players were not present. Zero spark or energy. There are no leaders. In a heartbeat Liverpool were ahead by two goals. Again as a result of mistakes by Casemiro and Martinez.

Manchester United are a House With No Door by Van Der Graaf Generator. I feel sorry for Ten Hag.

Casemiro was replaced for the second half. So was the champagne. This time it was Noughty Sparkling Chardonnay. As if on cue Mainoo was lightweight and Liverpool were scoring again. Three goals to the good and not even breaking a sweat.

Mo Salah is different class. He makes everything look so easy. You can tell he works incredibly hard just so as he can enjoy himself on the pitch. He is sublime and he scores for fun.

It was becoming embarrassing. Liverpool were toying with Manchester United at Old Trafford. There are no words to describe the utter humiliation. It could have been four or five. Manchester United feebly tried to make a game of it in the later stages but the majority of the fans had already left the stadium. They had seen enough.

There is nothing like the sound of glasses clinking. Knowing that football is on the way. Sarah was playing Happy House by Siouxsie and the Banshees.

Aston Villa are hosting Arsenal.

The big questions are will this be Arsenal’s year and will Villa establish themselves as a top four team? Nothing will be decided today but which team will have that Nighttime Feeling by Klangphonics and Weston Loney. The champagne for the first half is a Bruno Paillard Rosé Première Cuvée. The second half delight will be Lyre’s Classico.

The game is on. Already Arsenal look better in defence with Timber there instead of Zinchenko. Having said that I don’t understand why Arsenal haven’t bought a striker. Jesus is injured and Havertz is up front.

Both teams looked up for it. And there was a good feel to the game. Martinez the Villa goalkeeper made a brilliant save from Saka. Truly world class. Rogers in midfield reminded me of Patrick Viera for The Villans. He looked really special and his lay off for Ollie Watkins to put Villa ahead was fabulous. However the striker did not attack the ball. He let the ball come to him. A basic attacking error. All forwards know that you need to have the momentum to hit the ball sweetly. Like a novice he put the ball wide. A huge opportunity missed. Both teams were playing well. But no goals in the first half.

The second half was in play. Onana the former midfielder from Everton almost put the ball in the back of the net from a wicked deflection. Somehow it came off the bar and David Raya superbly saved the diving header from Watkins. Watkins again should have done much better. He was not having a good day. Rogers however was magnificent. What a player he seems to be. Villa cannot keep on missing these big chances.

At last Trossard came on as a substitute for Arsenal and with his first touch he showed Ollie Watkins how to do it. He attacked the ball and side footed the ball into the net. It should be mentioned that Lucas Digne the left back for Villa was out tussled and outclassed by Saka to enable him to put the ball across the face of the goal.

Unai Emery will not be happy at all.

Neither was Trossard.

His stance was dead inside. He couldn’t have been more Untitled by Interpol. His joy at scoring was bereft. He was singing Nessun Dorma by Pavarotti while his teammates were in ecstasy.

It was stark. It was clear as day. It was shocking. I don’t know how Mikel Arteta is going to manage that, but he has got a problem there. Trossard does make the difference. More so than Martinelli for me.

It was only a matter of time before Partey who also had a good game struck the ball just outside the area and scored. Martinez maybe should have done better to save it but he could have seen it late as the defender was blocking him.

Maybe it is Arsenal’s year.

They definitely have the Alchemy by Philipp Wolf. They were able to bring on Calafiori who I am looking forward to seeing more of in the premiership. For me though the last ditch tackle by Saliba was superb. It proves that Arsenal are really strong defensively. With a lovely balance to the team.

The big question mark for me is Havertz. If there was Victor Osimhen or someone of that calibre upfront then Manchester City would have a real challenge.

Just a few days to go before the transfer window closes. We will see.

Sarah and I had a kick off even before the kick off. She said that the Chelsea dressing room must be like some scenes from the film of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

I laughed. Totally.

Yes but without the profanity and alcohol. Talking about alcohol Sarah said she had a suggestion for the new season. That sounded ominous.

Why don’t we have two bottles of plonk for each game but one of those bottles will have to be alcohol free. My heart sank. The balance in the universe has truly been disturbed. Everything has truly gone AWOL. I know that Chelsea have got 42 players on their books, but is that the answer to life, the universe and everything?

Sarah put on Warm Leatherette by The Normal to compensate for my utter despair. She makes me laugh when she dances to it. Miming the genius lyrics. Her hips moving like a delicious metronome.

I am definitely part of the car crash set. The song segued into Lullaby by The Cure.

She said we will open the Taittinger Prestige Rosé for the first half and then the alcohol free French Bloom La Cuvée Vintage 2022 for the second half.

Adding that It will be Just Like Honey by The Jesus and Mary Chain.

The first real glasses were quickly clinked in an uneasy peace. I treasured the taste.

I know that it feels like the Systems Down by AC/DC but trust me it is not. It will be for the best. Sarah assured me.

The match began.

Chelsea are not really in the football game. To let Conor Gallagher go who is a boyhood Chelsea fan says it all. I think they may be venturing into some kind of surrealist soap opera. The Stamford Bridge vibe is impossible to fathom. I repeat 42 players. Or should I say influencers now. Manchester City on the other hand are a winning machine. It doesn’t help when the powerhouse that is Moses Caicedo strolls round the pitch as though he is looking for some shoes.

Jeremy Doku on the left wing is given the world of space. He shimmies round him and puts the ball in the box. Fofana and Colwill both really good prospects were not dancing to the same tune. There must have been something good on Instagram.

Who knows? Haaland the predator didn’t care.

He ruined the centre backs’ mojo by pushing through the giant hole between them and dinked the ball in the back of the net despite the lame efforts of Cucurella to challenge him.

Strolltastic for Manchester City.

Savio on the right wing definitely made me purr. What a joy to see. A real right winger. Another sip of the real champagne.

To be fair to Chelsea they did improve after conceding the goal and seemed to have put away their mobile phones. The second half was much of the same. Both sides matching one another and showing their qualities.

Chelsea are young and prone to individual mistakes. It is tough for them as the pressure must be immense. Made me think of Know Who You Are At Every Age by The Cocteau Twins.

The scoreline became worse for them when the Chelsea reject Kovacic waltzed through the final third after another error by Fofana and scored through the abject inability of the Chelsea goalkeeper.

Chelsea must be big fans of All We Ever Wanted Was Everything by Bauhaus. Chelsea will finish in the top four if Felix stays fit. Unless injuries or points deductions ravage Manchester City I cannot see Arsenal taking the Premier League title away from them.

The faux champagne felt good, as long as I didn’t think about it. Sarah put on the belter Twenty Four Hours by Joy Division.

Sarah and I were both drunk. There was an inevitability to it. The champagne was all that mattered. It was two bottles of Dom Ruinart Blanc De Blancs 2010. Pure comfort on the way Straight To Hell by The Clash.

Men face facts. No matter how incongruent they are. They face facts. Not Southgate. He is in no man’s land. He ain’t no dancer singing Helter Skelter by The Beatles.

He is obviously a good man. A loyal man. It ends there. His talent is at the bottom of the slide. He was in Harry Kane’s Witches Spell by AC/DC.

That is the story.

Spain were not challenged at the back. Their centre backs could have had their nails done in that game. It was that relaxing for them. Not one person in the British media challenged Harry Kane or Gareth Southgate on what the fuck were they smoking. The media is just as utterly defunct and paralysed in the same way that the democrat party is in regards to Biden. The deep dilemma of denial. It never ends.

Sarah put on Marquee Moon. She was reminding me to not give a damn. Just listen to the rain and ignore the words in Southgate’s brain.

Spain were the better team. Their tactics didn’t come from the graveyard. I shouldn’t feel sorry for Southgate but when he took off Mainoo and didn’t replace him with Gallagher it was like Bring on The Night by The Police. What is real and make believe. Pure Virginia Plain by Roxy Music.

Enough of the pedestrian England. Spain are at the start of the Golden Years by David Bowie. They deserve it. They play football. Without the shackles. They are beautiful.

They pass and move and their wingers are the Children of the Revolution by T.Rex and those boys can bump and grind all game long. Long may it continue. Congratulations to the red and yellow of Spain. They totally deserved it. Unfortunately for England there are No More Heroes by The Stranglers.

Sarah and I started early on the champagne. It was a Laurent - Perrier Blanc de Blancs Brut Nature. Speil by Terje Rypdal was making the sound waves in the background. We were talking about all the football we have watched together. So much to wonder at. Always the passion. Always the inexplicable flaws. It has been a long season. A beautiful Cosmic Dancer by T. Rex.

We sipped the nectar and talked about the unbelievable talent of Carlo Ancelotti and Real Madrid. His genius. His style. His lack of ego. His ability to bring the best out of his players is unparalleled. No mangled micro management here. He is not a top down authoritarian who shouts and screams. He is calm and gives the players the freedom to be players. The magic of his quizzical eyebrow is the only thing that Rips it up by Orange Juice.

We were chatting about the game that was about to start. It was hard not to feel for the Borussia Dortmund team. Talk about being Under The Pressure by The War on Drugs. It is not going to be easy for them. They are a hard working team and honest. Will it be enough to break down Real Madrid and get a victory at Wembley Stadium? To say that they will be going in Blind by Korn is a huge understatement.

Dortmund started well. Brandt had a good chance but the biggest opportunity missed was by Adeyemi. His poor touch going around Courtois was awful. Dortmund were in control of the game. Real Madrid were under the cosh. They were rattled. When Füllkrug hit the post you just got the feeling that the ball would not go into the net.

Dortmund were fast, aggressive and dominant in the first half but without a goal they were in peril. They needed that first half to finish with a goal. As it was the second half started goalless.

Ancelotti tweaked a few details and Real Madrid ominously for Dortmund started to grow into the game.

The goal came from a Toni Kroos corner. Füllkrug reacted instead of anticipating and that gave Carvajal the chance to win the header and score the crucial first goal. The die was cast.

It was just a matter of time before Maatsen made an unfortunate mistake. Tiredness had crept in. Vinícius Júnior stepped up and made it two goals to nil. Real Madrid were victorious yet again. Sad for Borussia Dortmund because they gave everything but sadly for them it was just not to be.

Sarah was in a reflective mood for the F A Cup Final. She was playing Thirteen Anniversaries: 10. In Memoriam Constance Hope by Leonard Bernstein and Katie Mahan . The champagne was a Bruno Paillard N.P.U. New Plus Ultra Rosé 2008. She smiled effusively as Cloudbusting by Kate Bush followed the piano piece.

To the end of the season she toasted.

It felt strange and unreal as the glasses came together and worked their tender beautiful magic. A memorable season to say the least. To mark the occasion Sarah put on Gravity by Tore Brunborg.

The first thing I did was to look at the substitutes bench. For Manchester United to have a chance they needed a strong bench. They didn’t. The Manchester City bench was colossal. It is a Wonderful World by Nine Horses to have a bench like that.

Having said that it was good to see that Martinez and Varane were the centre backs. A real positive for The Red Devils.

If they have any chance at all in this game to Get Lucky by Daft Punk Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers then they are going to need to be strong defensively.

Early on in the game there was a weird vibe going on. City looked not quite so fluid. They were clunky and not at all smooth running.

It was clear that United were going for the ball over the top. Using the pace of Rashford and Garnacho. City didn’t look coordinated at the back at all. It was all a bit ramshackle.

Then in the 30th minute a simple long ball over the top from Dalot led to a mix up between Gvardiol and Ortega. It meant that Garnacho got to score the easiest goal imaginable. Manchester United couldn’t believe their luck. City were shellshocked.

Then Sky Blues hadn’t really found their rhythm. Their mojo was missing. They were losing to their biggest rivals. The pressure was on.

The Red Devils were galvanised and kept on playing the long ball. It was working a treat. It got even better. When the ever impressive Mainoo finished off a lovely move to put United two goals ahead in the first half. It was Dreamtime by The Stranglers. All the momentum was against Pep Guardiola’s team.

For the second half Manchester City changed the formation and the players. The reality was though that they were chasing the game and they needed a goal to get back into the game. They didn’t create enough. De Bruyne looked tired. The trouble for Manchester City was that the goal only came in the 87th minute. Too late to take the game to extra time.

Against All Odds by Phil Collins Erik Ten Hag had beaten Manchester City and won the F A Cup. After the difficult season United have had you could see how much it meant to him and it was nice to see. A deserved victory against their biggest rivals. An out of sorts Manchester City.

Tenterhooks. A day when you can be Shot By Both Sides by Magazine. A day of feeling Totally Wired by The Fall. A highly emotional day. Some teams will be winners. Some players will be losers. Some managers will be saying goodbye. All in all a day where there is so much at stake.

The champagne was a Frerejean Frères Hussards 2012 Immergée . On such a rollercoaster of a day we felt it was necessary to have two bottles ready to go. Will it be Pep Guardiola or Mikel Arteta smiling at the end?

Within two minutes there was a goal at the Etihad Stadium in Manchester. There were nine outfield players from West Ham in the area. As well as The Hammers goalkeeper. Phil Foden stepped past one player outside the area and scored yet another wonder goal. He is phenomenal. The crowd erupted. A beautiful start. The Gunners in The Emirates Stadium were desolate.

City were dominant. Peppering the goal with shot after shot against West Ham. Then Gvardiol who has been a superb signing shuffled past three tackles in midfield to set free Doku. Another gem. Doku passed to Foden for his second goal. The Etihad was in dreamland.

It got even worse for Arsenal as Everton scored an extremely fortunate goal from a deflection. Arsenal got the equaliser soon after from some woeful marking from Everton. Arsenal were level. Then came some real hope. Kudus scored a brilliant overhead kick and got a goal back for West Ham.

As I said initially. Tenterhooks. It could go either way still. The tension was palpable.

The second half got underway. Just on the hour mark Rodri passed the ball into the net. Another genius player. The relief in Manchester was real. There was a two goal cushion. Surely that was it.

Arsenal were pushing for the crucial second goal. They needed to win their game at the very least and hope Manchester City draw. The odds were stacked against them.

Ashley Young the Everton left back gifted Arsenal the second goal with a squared pass to his centre back that was cut out by the arm of Jesus. VAR incoming.

Havertz scored from the resultant play in the 89th minute. The Gunners were jubilant and proud of their team despite realising that the die was cast.

Michael Oliver the referee went to the pitch monitor and mulling over his own personal bias for a few moments. He laughably gave the decision to award the goal. The Joker by Steve Miller Band.

The reality was that Manchester City were crowned the winners of the Premier League for the fourth consecutive season. An incredible achievement.

If and only if Arsenal buy an out and out centre forward like Ollie Watkins from Aston Villa then they may have a chance of going one better next year.

This is the game. The decider. Who it is exactly who wins the Premier League this season? A Spurs win or draw and the title goes to Arsenal. A City win and Pep Guardiola’s team will be on their way to a fourth consecutive Premier League Championship.

It’s all about fine margins. And champagne of course. At least mi casa. It is a Gosset Celebris Vintage 2008. Sarah’s eyes lit up when she saw the bubbles take shape. She played Sign by Tonic Walter and smiled the way she smiles.

Spurs are one of those teams. On their day they can beat anyone. But there is no real heart or identity about them. They are however open and expansive and take risks. I was surprised to see that Kulesevski didn’t start though. He is a dead cert for me.

The game started and straight away you could tell that there was a weird backdrop and context to this game. Certain Tottenham fans wanted a Manchester City win so that Arsenal did not win the title. It was all a bit postmodern.

There were spaces everywhere. You could definitely See Emily Play by Pink Floyd. All over the pitch. Both teams had playmakers. De Bruyne for City and Maddison for Spurs. Rhythms Of Vision by The Walker Brothers.

Both goalkeepers made crucial saves. They were both playing well to their credit. The game was in the balance. The tension was palpable. More so for the Arsenal fans and the Manchester City supporters.

Spurs were in a Weird Space by Boyd.

Haaland was the focal point for the sky blues. Even though he barely touched the ball in the first half. Foden is pure talent. He hovers and spins and looks to break open the oppositions defence.

This has been Foden’s season. He has been one of the best players in the premier league. Haaland is a formidable presence though. And then the inevitable happened. The simplest of tap ins in the 50th minute.

Romero went for a loose ball that was a fifty fifty with Foden. It was a handbag of a tackle. Not even a designer name attached to it. The tackle was the inverse of a Blockbuster by Sweet. Absolutely nothing in it. Foden pushed forward and crossed the ball. It came to De Bruyne who made it so easy for Haaland. Arsenal fans were brokenhearted. Tottenham were ambivalent.

Foundations are everything. Without them all you get is a Ball Of Confusion by The Temptations.

Some of the nonchalance from the players in white must have created a very difficult reality for Ange Postecoglou. He must have been thinking what is happening to the Tottenham fanbase. Everything has gone all Jacques Derrida at White Hart Lane.

Having said that Spurs had three good chances and Ortega who had replaced the injured Ederson in goal made important saves. He was crucial and stopped Spurs from scoring the equaliser. Then in the final minute of normal time Haaland scored a penalty. Manchester City were a heartbeat away from winning the Premier League title.

Trying to win at the Bernabeu Stadium is like trying to make someone called My Name is Death by John Carpenter Cody Carpenter and Daniel Davies smile at a dream workshop. It is a big ask.

This was a big night and big nights need champagne. Sarah brought out the Louis Roederer Cristal 2015. She was wearing a black Ralph Lauren stretch wool blazer with a white shirt and black trousers. Kick off was moments away.

Straight away you saw the disparity. From the kick off Sané lazily passed the ball to his right back only for Vinicius Junior to intercept. Real Madrid were on the move. Ten minutes later the Bayern goalkeeper Neuer is making a world class save to stop Rodrygo opening the scoring.

I love watching Carlo Ancelotti. He always stays calm. His reveal though when he is stressed is he throws more chewing gum into his mouth.

Bayern were playing well and working hard to keep their shape. The problem they had was of course Vinicius Junior. They needed two or three around him at all times and even then it didn’t matter.

The fundamental difference between this performance and Kyllian Mbappe’s last night was that Vinicius Junior is unplayable. There are easy answers for Mbappe. There are no solutions to Junior. Simple as that.

Neuer is a difference maker too. He kept on making saves throughout the second half. Bayern were on the back foot. Then on the break Harry Kane’s cross field ball reached Davies on the left wing. He cut in and scored a wonder goal. What a huge moment in the game. Real were stunned.

Almost immediately Real equalised but the goal was rightly ruled out via VAR. Twenty minutes left. The game was on a knife edge.

Thomas Tuchel was right to Substitute by Ramones the number seven Sané. His defensive contribution was minimal to say the least. Hindsight is a beautiful thing but I would not have taken off Musiala or Kane. A big mistake which had major repercussions.

For me it changed the dynamic and shape of Bayern Munich. The nerves were tangible. The Bayern players knew that they were minutes away from reaching the Champions League Final.

Neuer made a mistake by throwing the ball out to the left wing. He should have kicked it high and long. I am speculating here but if Harry Kane had been on the pitch Neuer would have done exactly that. But because he wasn’t he went to the flanks.

When he saw that Bayern lost possession instantly I believe he was furious with himself for his error.

Sadly for him this triggered an even bigger mistake. He dropped the ball. Drop It Like It’s Hot by Snoop Dogg and Pharrell Williams. Joselu pounced. Real had their equaliser in the 88th minute. Four minutes later VAR overruled the referee’s decision and Joselu scored a second.

The drama didn’t end there though.

In the 12th minute of injury time the linesman raised his flag for an offside which just shouldn’t have happened. The error has been magnified as the referee blew his whistle as the ball was going into the net. Bayern Munich were livid and rightly so. A monumental error in such a high profile game. The match was over. Bayern were out. The real story of the game for me however is the hunger and desire of Vinicius Junior. The best player in the world today.

We watched Jude Bellingham walking around the pitch. Apparently he visualises. He imagines the shapes and moves that will happen out there. Things have come a long way since I played. I don’t even think the word metrics existed in football. The only metrics that appealed to me were the alcoholic ones but you know that already.

Talking of which Sarah was holding the champagne glasses in her hands. She was on top of her game wearing a white lace dress. Bayern Munich are going to need to be the same to have a chance against the colossus known as Real Madrid.

The champagne tonight was a Taittinger Les Folies De La Marquetterie. The Immortal Dub by King Tubby of Thomas Tuchel and Carlo Ancelotti echoed around The Allianz Arena. A Machiavellian melange if ever there was one.

The one thing that struck me immediately was the slow pace of the game. Everything was In Slow Time by Peter Hammill. The football was high quality in spite of that. The ball from the youthful Toni Kroos to Vinicius Junior was sublime. The Brazilian is similar to Luis Suarez in the sense he is a match winner. He has the rare ability to take the game by the scruff of the neck and change the course of events.

The It’s All Over It’s Everywhere by Driver Drive Faster approach to defending by the Bayern defender Kimmich was erratic. His performance on the whole night was difficult. He came across unfortunately as a Dancin’ Fool by Frank Zappa. It is a memory he will have to Grin and Bear by Lali Puna for quite some time.

Sané got the equaliser in the second half. Then moments later the other winger for Bayern Musiala got a penalty. Harry Kane scored in spite of Jude Bellingham whispering sweet nothings in his ear beforehand. I wonder if that was one of his visions.

The Allianz was rocking. A brilliant atmosphere. Bayern were in the lead until the penalty and goal by Vinicius Junior. It brought Real Madrid back level. This means that Bayern have to go to the Santiago Bernabéu Stadium with everything even. It is an understatement to say it will be tough. There is something Inevitable by The Fall about it.

Here We Are (Once Again) by Okkyung Lee enjoying a Louis Roederer Cristal 2014. A warm sunny Saturday afternoon.

Wearing a beautiful black beret Sarah changed the groove and unleashed Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution by AC/DC. She was enjoying the pre match warm up and started playing French Disko by Stereolab.

It was FA Cup day. The semi final.

A day that would Fade to Blue by Ben Böhmer but which shade of blue would it be? The sky blue of Manchester or the royal blue of Chelsea.

This was a day that nobody wanted to be a Loser by Ed Droste, Binki Shapiro and Friends. Chelsea started well. They matched Manchester City and they had a good intensity and shape about them.

I was particularly impressed with their two full backs Gusto and Cucurella. There was The Rebellion by Yubik about Chelsea.

It looked like Pochettino had turned the corner and switched on the motivation and cohesion modules in the young Chelsea players’ brains. This was going to be a good match.

The Sky Blues were without Haaland but it was good to see Alvarez on from the start. City grabbed hold of the game at Wembley Stadium with their Rhythm and Rhymes by Olli Ahvenlahti. De Bruyne at the heart of everything.

To Chelsea’s credit they stood firm and hit City on the break. If Nicolas Jackson had more composure and experience he would have scored. He is obviously still learning his trade.

It was looking more and more likely that the game would go into extra time. That is until Doku and De Bruyne combined to create a goal scoring chance for Bernardo Silva. Manchester City were in front in the 83rd minute. Chelsea kept going and still had chances to equalise.

Chilwell was through on the left wing and all he had to do was put the ball in the box for Raheem Stirling to finish and score but incredibly Chilwell delayed. The pass was eventually intercepted.

The lack of remorse on Chilwell’s face was beyond shocking to me. He could have saved the day for his team. He didn’t seem to care. He didn’t even apologise to his team mate ready to strike. A goal that would have taken the game to extra time. Maybe he was angry that he was only a substitute. The dark webs of football and ego.

Chelsea will be a real force next season. They have a solid foundation to build on with that team. Their cup pursuits for this season are however for now put on hold.

Sarah swayed. She said she was Dancing on Clouds by Markus Stockhausen, Nguyên Lê and Bodek Janke. She was smiling as she revealed that apparently sales in champagne are seriously down.

Not in this establishment. That is for sure I replied.

The champagne was a Bruno Paillard N.P.U. New Plus Ultra Rosé 2008. We were watching the return match of Manchester City against Real Madrid. The second leg was delicately poised. To wheel out the cliché. The cinema of two superstar clubs looking to go through to the semi finals of the Champions League.

Manchester City dominated the possession and the play without breaking down the dogged defence of Real Madrid. The sloppy defending by Kyle Walker particularly gifted Real the goal that emboldened them to defend and to try and hold on. In the end in this context the game always come down to fine margins. The format and the structure creates that dynamic. Predictable really.

De Bruyne got one back thanks to excellent wing play from Doku who replaced Grealish. The Belgian playmaker really should have finished the game off but he skied the ball over the bar. Extra time and penalties were looming.

The snapshot of the penalty taker is fascinating. You see the fear scrolling through their eyes in real time. This Is Nowhere by The Black Keys. Those slowed down moments before the run up. The pressure is infinite. There is no warm up. No priming. No Preparation. One shot. One Chance. Lose Yourself by Eminem expresses it perfectly. The once in the lifetime split second crawls like instinct across the eyes of Antonio Rüdiger. He scores the goal and Real are through. Manchester City are out of the Champions League.

I got up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head. Paul McCartney showtime vocal is in the air.

Got to feel for Haaland today. The day after the match. The thoughts going through his head while he is combing his hair. A shocker. On so many levels.

Manchester City lost the game to Real Madrid. To make matters worse he was substituted in the ninetieth minute before extra time ensued.

Football managers are like music producers. They like to control everything. They want to minimise the risk. What they don’t realise is that their attention is flawed. For example Alvarez. He should be on from the start. His being there helps Haaland but crucially it also increases the intensity of the forward play. With control comes codes which are utterly predictable. It’s a trade off. Erling Haaland will be trying to comb out the pain of that today.

Sarah put on Touch The Leather by Fat White Family. She knew that this game was Pandora by Wisp for both teams.

No matter how you look at it. Old Trafford is always difficult for Liverpool. Klopp and his boys need to keep the crowd quiet and desperate. Don’t give them hope. Liverpool are in fantastic shape. Manchester United’s soul is lost. They are in freefall. They don’t know who they are. Liverpool don’t have that problem.

The champagne was opened. A bottle of Billecart - Salmon 2008. The delight of the ritual of the glasses clinking. Kick off was seconds away.

First things first. The Red Devil’s kit is so much better than Liverpool’s green number. The away kit for Liverpool is abominable and off putting to say the least. Aesthetically at least Manchester United are streets ahead.

Not in the football though. Their midfield are predominantly man markers. There is no strategy or vision. Just mark your man wherever he is Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac. It is very strange and unsettling.

Liverpool got into their stride. Onana making a great save to stop Szoboszlai scoring a goal. It was only a matter of time and Diaz scored from a corner after a brilliant lay off from Nunez. Manchester United just cannot defend corners. Diaz was completely unmarked.

Liverpool were peppering the United goal with shot after shot in the first half. So much so that Onana decided to hit the vaseline and put it on his gloves. Grease is the reality for the goalkeeper. That is the first time I have seen that on a football pitch. Whatever it takes to keep the ball out of the net. It was hard to see how Liverpool were not already two or three goals ahead at half time but there was still only one goal in it. Will they pay the price for that profligacy in front of goal?

The second half began the same as the first. Liverpool pushing for that second goal. But then a major turning point.

Bruno Fernandes scored a stunning goal. He was almost on the halfway line and he hit a loose ball first time over the outstretched arms of the stranded Kelleher.Manchester United were somehow level. It was a wonderful goal. And a massive error from the young centre back Quansah.

The atmosphere was transformed all of a sudden. What a gift for the Red Devils. The home crowd had hope. This might not be football carnage from the red side of Merseyside. For the first time in the match Manchester United were in the game. It got even better for the home fans.

Out of the blue Mainoo scored a wonder goal. With his back to the goal he swivelled and slotted the ball into the top corner from the edge of the area. Klopp was beyond shocked. He was furiously urging his players to start talking to each other.

Salah kept on pushing for the equaliser. A severe case of firing blanks. It was obvious that Liverpool were badly missing Diego Jota. He definitely makes a difference to their attack.

Fortunately for the Reds they got a penalty and Salah put it away. However it has to be said he never puts his penalties in the corner so if I was a goalkeeper I would be looking at that.

The game finished in a draw. Klopp was devastated. He knew that this was two significant points lost. A massive moment in the pursuit of the Premier League title which is now a deeply moot point for Liverpool.

The Magpies against The Hammers. It sounds like a line from a Ted Hughes poem. It is Saturday. The sun is shining and the football is about to begin.

Both David Moyes and Eddie Howe are struggling to convince their fanbases. Disgruntlement and overreaction is everywhere. Both of them are Crosseyed and Painless by Talking Heads in their respective dugouts. Both sets of fans are hungry for success and want to finish in the European places.

Sarah was focused on the music. She was wearing a neon orange and yellow dress. Apparently it was neon pop. It was most definitely bright. She started playing Bloodbuzz Ohio by The National while smiling at my fashionable ignorance in her sea of colour.

Next up was Spooky by Dusty Springfield. The champagne was Petit Meslier By A. Bergère. Music and champagne at the same time. Life’s Been Good by Joe Walsh was coming out of the speakers. And it still is.

St. James’ Park was excited. Within two minutes Anthony Gordon had won a penalty by being an absolute nuisance. He is a really good player and has the same vibe as Diaz from Liverpool. Just busy and endless energy. Isak took the perfect penalty and already West Ham were chasing the game.

The game was purring nicely when simple as you like Pacqueta dinked a ball over the top and the static central Newcastle defence were left chasing the Antonio. Another brilliant powerhouse of a player but unfortunately coming to the end of his career. A great goal.

Bruno Guimarães looks so comfortable in the premier league in the centre of midfield. His shot from outside the area hit the bar. But then out of nowhere Kudus was fouled by Schar who stayed down holding his face. West Ham took the free kick quickly and Mohammed Kudus scored. St. James’ Park was apoplectic but the goal stood. Newcastle were losing. And Schar was wishing he had got up quicker.

Sarah put on Poptones by Public Image Ltd. and we poured more champagne into our empty glasses ready for the second half. It got worse for Newcastle. Their defence went awol looking for the equaliser. The woeful defending and the wide open clichés are on everyone’s lips. West Ham hit them on the break and Jarred Bowen put the ball in the net to make it three goals to one. The magpies were in trouble.

The black and whites kept pushing for a way back into the game. Anthony Gordon doing his best busy wasp impression succeeded in getting a second penalty when Phillips brought him down in the area. Isak scored from the penalty and Newcastle were back in it. Could they somehow get the equaliser?

They could and they did. Isak with the loveliest of through balls put Harvey Barnes through on goal. He made it three a piece. St. James’ Park was rocking. Then the place erupted when Barnes scored a world class goal that reminded me of Dennis Bergkamp. The Magpies were in front with minutes to go. West Ham were punch drunk. They just couldn’t believe what was happening.

Newcastle managed to hold on. The fans were jubilant. But there was some Dark Ecstasy by Toner as Anthony Gordon was sent off for kicking the ball away in the last minute. Silly wasp. He won’t be playing football in the next game but making some Beautiful Jam by Grateful Dead.

England and France are joint favourites for the 2024 European Championships in Germany. Both have a world of talent player wise. There is however a stark difference between managers. Didier Deschamps is in my opinion a winner whereas Gareth Southgate is somewhat wishy washy.

If I was über rich like the musician Drake I would look at Germany and Portugal as the potential champions to place my bet. It is going to be really close. It will not be about Testosterone by Omega Male. It will not be about the celebrity of the players. Teamwork and motivation will be key. For me the European Championships will be another Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve for England.

Sarah got things set up perfectly with a good feel tune. It was Pinie by Parra for Cuva and orbit. It went perfectly with the champagne. A Gosset Célébris Blanc De Blancs 2014.

The big news for England was that Harry Kane was injured. I was disappointed to see John Stones playing at centre back. I much prefer him in the midfield the way Pep Guardiola uses him.

The Three Lions were pressing high and showing good energy but little by little Brazil were growing into the game. This would be a good test for England.

Vinicius Junior was through on goal by out pacing Kyle Walker but the shot was weak and the defender was able to snuff out the danger. However Walker tweaked his hamstring in the process.

The English defence is problematic. It lacks pace and balance. Gareth Southgate was an extremely good centre half so he understands that position. If I was him I would have Jarell Quansah from Liverpool linked up with Braithwaite from Everton and have Stones as the protection for the back four. Ben Chilwell at left back is not ideal either. He is not good enough at this level.

England were trying to increase the intensity and speed of their play which was nice to see but Brazil were competitive giving England no space.

Anthony Gordon was playing well on his debut for the home team. The Brazilian Pacqueta was shining bright for his team although he should have been sent off.

The Portuguese referee was incredibly kind to Brazil to put it mildly. It does amaze me that there is nothing you can do when people are oblivious to bias. Bellingham is world class but he needs to be supported in that English midfield. Brazil were busy and effective.

The game in the second half was tight. Both teams having opportunities but Brazil were controlling the game. Brazil looked fitter and freer than England.

The problem with the England team is that they do not have a top gear. It gives the opposing team a big lift and the seventeen year old Endrick raced forward during a Brazilian counter attack. England were exposed again at the back. He had the simplest of tap ins on his debut for Brazil. What a moment for him. The boy is Poetry In Motion by SiR and Anderson and .Paak. His future looks good. However the omens for Southgate and England are not good. The Three Lions are vaguely pleasing but woefully pedestrian. Southgate needs to be Fearless by Pink Floyd but that is never going to happen. Sarah put on Walensee - Mixed by Einmusik to finish off the music and brighten things up.

Time Has Come Today by The Chambers Brothers. The rules will change one way or another for Ten Hag today. Make or break. Liverpool are strong favourites. There is no doubt about that. Sarah was hoping for a classic but was worried it would be another damp dud of a game. She put on Sparks by Tobias Bergson. It was a sunny afternoon and out came The Unveiling  by As One of the Rare Millésime Rosé 2008. The champagne was sparkling and ready to be enjoyed.

United started well and there was a nice tension to the game. Klopp was relaxed and smiling. Ten Hag had his best suit on and was far from relaxed knowing that his job was basically on the line. The consequences of losing this game would be that the season and his role as manager would be over. You could touch the F.E.A.R. by Ian Brown.

Very pleased to see Garnacho starting and it paid off for Ten Hag as his forward play set up the goal for McTominay to score early on in the game. Was there a cup upset on the cards? You could see the relief and joy on the faces of the Manchester United players. They were given some hope.

Both teams were up for this. It was striking that Manchester United were actually playing well but also that Liverpool soaked up the pressure. They took everything in their stride. They exuded the confidence of champions. It was also completely shocking to see how much space there was in the midfield. The game was so open.

Both teams were throwing punches but you could see Liverpool growing into the game after the first half hour. It was looking ominous for the red devils. The Liverpool centre back Quansah is a really exciting rolls royce of a player. He strolled and waltzed through the opposition midfield as though it wasn’t there. Cutting open the defence in a heartbeat. MacAllister scored for Liverpool. The lack of intensity and aggression in the Manchester midfield was mind-blowing. Game on. 

It got even worse for the fans at Old Trafford as they saw their team insanely try to play out from defence in the dying minutes of the first half. Salah gratefully scored the second goal for Liverpool. Klopp the Leaders of Men by Joy Division was smiling knowing that his team were leading at the end of the first half. Disastrous for the red devils. The second half could be devastating for Manchester United.

Liverpool were in cruise control after the break. They could sense blood. Nunez was purring. You thought it was only a matter of time. Manchester United looked punch drunk. Liverpool were in total control of the game. They were pushing for that third killer goal in that pulsing rain. Sarah said she would play Bless The Weather by John Martyn after the game.

Both managers made substitutions. Ten Hag was bold and brought on Maguire and Anthony. Both of these players changed the game instantaneously.

Inexplicably Jurgen Klopp was fearful. He made a fatal error. He destroyed the balance and momentum of the team by his substitutions. He took off Salah, Szoboszlai and Robertson around the seventy minute mark. He prioritised the fitness of his players above the game management.

Crucially it gave Garnacho a chance to run at Connor Bradley. Anthony received the ball in the box and with a clever turn scored the equaliser for Manchester United in the final minutes of the game.

The Old Trafford faithful were delirious with joy and relief. The second half had been torturous for Ten Hag’s players to say the least. Liverpool couldn’t believe it. There was still time for more drama as both Elliot for Liverpool and Rashford for Manchester almost got last gasp winners for their side. Extra time loomed. As did the opening of the second bottle of champagne.

Manchester United were a different team. They were no longer shell shocked. Both teams now were going for the jugular. It was high tempo and high intensity. A great match that was finely poised.

Harvey Elliot broke the deadlock and scored to make it 3 - 2 to Liverpool at the end of the first half of extra time. The pendulum had swung again. That is until a bad error by Nunez who gave the ball to the excellent McTominay who laid it off for Rashford. The number ten gleefully scored the equaliser. Penalties were a possibility or was there more drama to come?

Liverpool had a corner when Harvey Elliot lost the ball to the excellent Diallo. He played in Garnacho who had been superb in this game. Running the full length of the pitch he passed it to Amad Diallo who put the ball in the corner of the goal. Unbelievable scenes. Tantric joy at Old Trafford. Diallo took off his shirt and let the fans know he was Having A Party by Lee Scratch Perry and Steve Marshall before he was sent off for his second yellow. The shock and relief was tangible. The favourites were out and Ten Hag was back in.

Whoever wins today will probably win the Premier League. Sarah put on The Player - Extended Mix by Booka Shade to get the groove going. Liverpool against Manchester City. Arsenal will be hoping for a draw. It is going to be tight. Too close to call.

Liverpool’s defence is inexperienced with only Van Dijk a first team regular. Manchester City are not set up to defend. They don’t really know how. Whoever defends well will win this game.

First things first Champagne. A Dom Ruinart Blanc De Blancs. Sarah and I clinked glasses as Connor Bradley showed everyone how good a young player he really is. A wonderful right back. Straight away it was clear the Liverpool midfield had more numbers in there with the high defensive line that Liverpool play. Kevin De Bruyne is a brilliant player but he is not going to press and close down the ball.

If Nunez had timed his run better Liverpool would be ahead in cruise control but he was offside. Liverpool have a better shape and are better organised even though Manchester City have the better footballers.

Players seem to be more programmed these days. They are less intuitive than my generation. The corner in from De Bruyne was a simple pass along the goal line. Zonal marking is about as useful as postmodernist thought. John Stones who was unmarked left Nunez in a Daydream by Wallace Collection. Stones just stepped forward and side footed the ball into the net. Liverpool’s defending was naive and poor to the extreme. A shocking goal to concede. A pure giveaway.

Manchester City were in the lead but it was clear that their defence has more holes in it than Swiss Cheese. Szoboszlai had a free header and should have scored. Luis Diaz looked like a Hungry Mouse by In the Clouds.

Liverpool were the better team even though they were losing. Manchester City just seem to lose their potency in situations like these. They lack leaders and it may cost them the league title. Ake duly obliged with a hospital back pass to his goalkeeper. A definite penalty and MacAllister despatched it perfectly. To make things worse Ederson injured himself in the challenge on Nunez and had to be substituted.

The teams were level. Anfield was jubilant and the crowd was lifted. Manchester City were in trouble. Liverpool were up for it and in the ascendancy. Salah was finally on the pitch. City were Holding On by The War On Drugs. The drama was intense in a high quality game especially when Doku hit the post for City. It was close but Liverpool should have had another penalty at the end. Either side could have won at the end. One thing is clear though. Nunez was majestic while Haaland was never really in the game. On that evidence Sarah and I think Liverpool will win the League title. Heavens Will Fall by Natascha Polké in both Manchester and London.

Sarah was already twirling round and dancing to BONITA by The South Hill Experiment and Buck Raines. She was excited. The Manchester Derby was a big game for both teams. A Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash.

City needed a win to stay in the mix for the Premier League title. Next week was Liverpool and then comes Arsenal. The three contenders. United needed to play well and get a result even though the odds were stacked against them. United have no identity.

The champagne was flowing. We were getting somewhere with Henri Girard Fût De Chêne MV17. The bottle was already on the way out and the match hadn’t even started. Thankfully there were two bottles.

The atmosphere was electric. It was great to see John Stones playing. He is truly one of the best there is and extremely underrated. Manchester City were confident and pushing forward. Then came the kick in the teeth.

Onana kicked the ball long and Fernandes playing in the false number nine role which suits him perfectly laid off the ball for Marcus Rashford who put the ball in the back of the net from outside the area. A world class goal.

The goal came from out of the blue. Although it has to be said Kyle Walker put up his hand appealing for offside. Or was he asking for a lollipop. A very sorry state of affairs as he left the centre back isolated. Poor defensive awareness from Walker and Klopp will be drooling in anticipation. City do leave holes at the back. And for once United were playing well. They were well drilled with a good shape about them.

City were pushing for the equaliser with chances for Foden and Rodri. The biggest opportunity was for Haaland. An unbelievable miss. A sitter. Why does he always tries to use his feet?

A certain Denis Law would have scored convincingly with a diving header. He was a player with Sound and Vision by David Bowie. I raised my glass to the true legend of Law who played for both of these teams. I wonder if Haaland has even heard of the great man. He could definitely learn from him.

Despite all the pressure from City. United were compact and defending well. They couldn’t find the equaliser in the first half.

Marcus Rashford was through on goal and ahead of Kyle Walker. He was running towards the Manchester City area but there was nothing in the tank. It was shambolic from Rashford and he tried to play for a foul when he should have bullied Walker off the ball. It was a turning point in the game.

Literally a minute later Phil Foden scored a wonder goal from outside the area. Again it has to be said. Poor defending. Lindelof looked sluggish and tired and was in the shadows of the City player. This match was becoming the story of Phil and Marcus.

United were still in it though and had openings and chances despite the City pressure. The tide turned when Foden and Alvarez did a brilliant give and go. Foden made it look easy scoring his second goal.

City were in the lead and it was predominantly from the work rate and sheer talent of Phil Foden. Haaland got the third goal from some diabolical playing out from the back from United.

Going on the evidence of this football match Marcus Rashford is waning. He will be Glad and Sorry by Faces. Glad he scored a stunning goal. Sorry he performed rather badly after that. Phil Foden is becoming one of a kind. He is at the top of his game. A real Stella Blue by Grateful Dead.

It went all a bit waiting for Godot for Pochettino at Wembley Stadium. Or should I say waiting for penalties. It was scorchingly existentialist when I saw the Chelsea huddle. The War Cry by Mont Rouge and Sasson (FR). I looked at them and saw a gang of whippersnappers. There was not one leader amongst them. I was so shocked I downed my first glass of Dom Pérignon Vintage 2013 in one. Something was off and it wasn’t the champagne.

Klopp’s first team was without Salah, Nunez, Jota and Szoboszlai. The bench was full of unknown kids from the third team. 

Early on in the game Ben Chilwell was demonstrating with his arms random style as though he was saying to his fellow Chelsea players lift your game. This tellytubby gesture wasn’t a good look.

The warning signs were on full display.

Liverpool had a free kick. Van Dijk and Konate were at the end of the Chelsea defensive line. Konate was completely unmarked. If Mourinho was watching he would be thinking someone must have spiked my drink to put me through this football Goya. This sporting Dante.

The veils of football reality were slipping.

Chelsea were the antithesis of commitment. The lack of synergy and unity in the first half was astonishing. No sugar whatsoever. Zero interplay. The Blues improved in the second half and after Van Dijk’s disallowed goal. They were finally in the ascendancy.

Klopp brought on three more youngsters with five minutes to go in the ninety minutes. Chelsea for once looked in control of the game.

Extra time loomed. A second bottle of champagne was opened. Sarah put on Not Fake by Modern English and then followed rather tellingly with Suicide Solution by Ozzy Osbourne.

This was the Ionesco moment. The theatre of the absurd sprang into life. It appeared that instead of continuing the momentum that was finally achieved by the players. The Chelsea manager decided his players needed to back off and play for the penalties. He felt the players were tired. Almost Gareth Southgate like from Pochettino. Both will be remembered for the same thing. The absence of the winning mentality. The lack of purpose. Sarah was howling with laughter by now.

The whole period of extra time had a schoolboy feel to it. Extraordinary. You see a free header being handed to Van Dijk at the near post. A great header. Puppy defending from Chelsea. The tragedy is complete as Pochettino bends over doing his ultimate King Lear impression.

The gulf between the gutless nature of the Chelsea team in extra time compared to the heartfelt and spirited approach from the Liverpool youngsters was infinite. The breaking news just in is that Mourinho has put himself in rehab as he believes he has become an Edgar Allan Poe nightmare. We hope he gets well soon.

Liverpool deserved it. The youngsters have transformed their lives overnight.

The Chelsea players are in The Blue Land by Matthieu Bordenave. It is going to be extremely difficult for them to deal with the Melancholia by Arne Henriksen and Carmen Fraanje that they see in the eyes of the Chelsea fans. Almost unbearable. All that jazz and absolutely nothing to show for it.

Bournemouth are busy Getting Better by The Beatles. There is no doubt about that. The first brushstroke surface analysis of the game to come is that Newcastle are slow and ponderous at the back. They lack pace and guile. Conversely in Semenyo and Solanke Bournemouth have lots of strength and pace.

Sarah smiled as she poured the William Deutz Millésimé champagne into the two grateful glasses then proceeded to put on Pop Pop Pop by Idles.

Newcastle started well. On the front foot. However it still astonishes me. If you are an attacker you are always taught to attack the ball.

I see less and less of that.

The ball came into the box and Anthony Gordon let it come through to him. A good opportunity missed for Newcastle.

Then in a heartbeat Kluivert is released and strolls past Burn as if he wasn’t there laying the ball off to Solanke who should have scored. It was a good save by Dubravka. Honestly though Newcastle are defensively naked. Solanke should have scored again but was foiled by another good save by Dubravka.

It was a game of two halves for Dubravka. He had a good first half. Sadly for him the second half was a shocker. First he slipped on the turf to allow Solanke to stroke the ball home. Secondly he didn’t get near the shot from Semenyo to give Bournemouth their second goal. He went down like a falling tree in The Forest by The Cure.

Newcastle managed to get the equaliser back to 1 -1 by the slow torture of the four and a half minutes var penalty check. Why on earth the Bournemouth defender Adam Smith was pulling on the shirt is beyond me. Gordon dispatched the penalty.

Minutes later Semenyo made things look so easy. With speed and power aplenty he shot on the edge of the area and scored. He is a player with a big future.

Then in extra time Matt Ritchie the ex Bournemouth player scored the second equaliser and viciously mauled the corner flag in his joy at scoring such a vital goal. There were no qualms about celebrating against his former team.

Bournemouth were Avant Garde by Madeaux and Rhea Robertson. They were the away team. They kept the home team second guessing. Bournemouth are buzzing. They played brilliantly. Committing players forward.

Newcastle were nutmegged at home and were featureless and flat. They are in the never never land of Enter Sandman by Alessia Cara and The Warning.

We like both of these teams. They are football based. They both lack discipline by always playing high risk football from the back. Both managers it seems say it’s ok to make mistakes. Despite that football is their focus and their endeavour. Both teams have the players to change a game in a heartbeat of high quality.

Sarah picked the champagne tonight. It was L’Aphrodisiaque by David Léclapart. As we clinked glasses the thought crossed my mind that maybe she was trying to tell me something. Thankfully she put on Ease by Christian Löffler and Johannes Brecht and took the edge off my denial. She upped the distraction with a smile and playing Papertrip by Wallace.

The mirrors and shapes of both midfields are strong. Why Chelsea let Billy Gilmour go to Brighton is beyond me. He is a top player alongside Gross and Lallana. The midfield of Spurs is similar with Sarr and Bentancur. Lots of mistakes in there but when they get it right it is sublime. Maddison is a player.

Brighton are always bright so it was no surprise when the ever improving and injury free Wellbeck snatched the ball after a poor touch by van de Ven in Brighton’s half. Wellbeck ran to the opposing goal and would have scored if it wasn’t for a fine save by Vicario in goal.

Just minutes later Spurs were playing short hospital balls in their own penalty box. Self harm at the highest level. Maddison was too easily dispossessed. It was obvious van den Ven was not having a good day as he fouled Wellbeck in the area and Gross neatly dispatched the penalty. The seagulls were in front.

Maddison almost made up for his error with a gorgeous through ball to Richarlison. But the forward couldn’t finish. Both Brighton and Spurs kept pushing for the goal. Both sides being open and reckless in defensive situations.

Sarr eventually got the breakthrough goal to level for Spurs. London Calling by The Clash.

The game was on a knife edge now. Both teams were going for the winner. Both teams were pushing. Both teams were getting closer to the second goal.

Then after some lovely interplay between Richarlison and Son the ball was crossed to Brennan Johnson who duly scored in the 96th minute. Very harsh on Brighton who had played well and could have won it. It wasn’t to be.

Spurs walked away with all three points. For Brighton You Can’t Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones. No matter how hard they tried.

This is a classic fixture. Arsenal needed to make up for their limp performance in the FA cup a few weeks ago. First things first though. Mauve. Mauve is a Mervyn Peake gothic colour. I have absolutely no idea what is going through the minds of the people who design these football kits. Is It Real by Oliver Koletzki and Malou Somehow pivoting in the dead end of bad fashion. The kind of fashion made to Help Me Lose My Mind by Disclosure and London Grammar.

The champagne today is a lovely Gosset Grand Reserve. Sarah was listening to Sickly Sweet by NewDad just before the kick off. We were both relaxed and hoping for sunday football at it’s best.

Disappointed that Nunez was not playing. If he was good enough to be on the bench then he is good enough to start surely. The Liverpool midfield looked lightweight too without Szoboszlai in there.

The game started well with Arsenal pressing high. The Arsenal keeper David Raya set Martinelli racing down the wing. Konate was flagging in slow motion.

The cross was perfect. Somehow Saka lost his wings. He couldn’t head the ball. He didn’t fling himself.

Every kid in School by Supertramp dreams of scoring diving headers. That one didn’t happen.

Arsenal had started well with high intensity. Working hard off the ball. Then it got even better with a beautiful through ball from Odegaard to Havertz which Saka finished this time. Arsenal were in the lead after fourteen minutes.

The gunners dominated the first half but then on the stroke of half time as Saliba shielded the ball hoping that Raya would pounce on the ball. Diaz snook in and poked the ball home off Martinez. A goalkeeping error.

Arsenal wanted to win this game. You could see that in the second half. They kept pushing. Liverpool were pushing forward. It was obvious they missed Salah and Nunez.

They had no out ball. No long ball over the top.

Then out of the blue Van Dijk decided to not head the ball. He let the ball bounce like a Watcher of the Skies by Genesis. The number one error for a centre back. Never let the ball bounce if you can head it.

Defensive calamities ensued. Kai Havertz not known for his physicality managed to shoulder charge Van Dijk as Alisson came rushing out leaving an empty goal for Martinelli to score. Arsenal were buoyant.

I like the way Klopp is not afraid to make risky substitutions. Bringing on Thiago. Hoping that he will make a telling through ball and get the equaliser. Unfortunately for Klopp Konate was sent off for a second yellow and soon after Trossard skipped past Elliot and put the ball through Alisson’s legs. Terrible goalkeeping. A Breakthrough by Atomic Rooster for Arsenal. Arteta was ecstatic.

They are back in the title race but can they be The Persuaders by John Barry. That remains to be seen.

Full confession. Full disclosure. Sarah is dressed in blue tonight. She puts on American X by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Playing it loud she pours two glasses of Nicolas Feuillatte Blue Label Brut. It felt good to chink the glasses together.

Chelsea have been really pure Dubious Goals Committee by Projector this season. All that money forked out. Talent. Youth. Nothing coming together. No connections. Just individuals. Just Trying To Relax by Redolent.

However it was one individual who sparked the game for Chelsea tonight. Ben Chilwell.

Injuries have held him back but tonight he made the difference. He fed the ball deliciously into Sterling who started to show some of his old guile. Fifteen minutes in Chelsea have scored courtesy of an own goal. You could see the relief on the faces of the Chelsea players.

Middlesborough made it so easy for Chelsea. They went to Chelsea trying to play from the back and trying to match them technique wise. Wrong tactics completely. Michael Carrick is a good manager and was a great player but he has got the same purist virus that Mikel Arteta has. They don’t understand the freaks. Everything is beautiful with the purists.

Football needs freaks as much as technique. Players who work together and create unreal patterns all over the pitch. Footballers who are on fire and making music with the ball underneath the floodlights. Exposed to Some Light by Nightbus. Far far away from the doctrine drinkers.

Mauricio Pochettino has worked hard to not drown in the deep waves of mediocrity. He has asked for patience. Tonight was a big deal. No more growing pains. He needed to get his team into a cup final. Probably to face Liverpool at Wembley. This was it.

Sterling linked up beautifully with Disasi to lay off a simple goal for Fernández. Chelsea were two nil up. The third goal was made and finished by the full back Disasi. Too easy. Cole Palmer dispossessed the Middlesborough defender to make it 4 - O before half time.

The second half was a walk in the park for Chelsea. Palmer and Madueke finishing with aplomb.

I was glad to see Rogers getting a goal for Middlesborough. He looks like a player and will hopefully have a bright future. Celebration by Madonna and Benny Benassi for Chelsea. Their day in Wembley will come for these young guns.

The sum is bigger than the parts.

Paint The Town Red by Doja Cat was playing through the speakers. I was pouring Ruinart Blanc de Blancs Champagne Second Skin for Sarah and I. Thinking about the Manchester United versus Liverpool game. Still miffed that we weren’t going to be watching that specific game.

Sarah said there was no way that she was going to watch a major bore draw. I tried to fight my corner but she just gave me the look.

I passed her the glass and saw that she was dressed as a referee coming into to the tune Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by The Beatles. 

Is this a new line for Victoria’s Secret? I said with a big smile on my face.

Sarah raised her glass and said to Rebecca Welch the first woman to referee a premier league match. A nice touch I said. But what game are we going to watch?

Sarah said for some random reason. I’m getting a Brentford vibe.

I didn’t dare ask why I just took another sip and went with the vibe. I Might Be Wrong by Radiohead but Sarah is more often than not right.

Brentford were playing Aston Villa. Brentford are always so organised. They were set up to stop and frustrate Aston Villa. A really good defensive shape and to be a goal up by half time. Things were looking good for Brentford. Villa were in trouble.

It was all going so well until for some reason Ben Mee lunged into a tackle with both his feet off the ground. David Coote the actual referee gave him a yellow. Sarah stood up and screamed out. Straight red. Red Right Hand by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds.

I must admit I had to agree. VAR intervened and the yellow was converted to a red card. That was in the 71st minute.

Immediately the space in the game opened up and six minutes later Aston Villa equalised with a header on the back post from Moreno. Now Brentford were in trouble. Villa were looking for the win.

Villa had a corner and there was a lovely flick on from Kamara and Ollie Watkins headed the ball into the back of the net.

Aston Villa were leading by two goals to one. Then reality shifted. That is when the pantomime season kicked off big time.

When Watkins scored he stood in the goal and pointed at a fan and then about ten footballers from both sides brought their handbags to the goal line. Sarah was dishing imaginary yellow cards out all over the place. She hated their handbags.

Villa were impressive and to be honest in the best form in the title race. One of the main reasons for them being title contenders is the quality of the goalkeeper Martinez. That is the positive aspect.

However Neal Maupay and Emiliano Martinez created one of the greatest pantomime sequences in premier league history so far. Maupay laughably bodychecked Martinez when the ball was out of play. Martinez went down as though he was shot. Holding his stomach in pain like a five year old. Maupay was laughing.

Minutes later Martinez retaliated by pushing Maupay gently in the back as he passed him. Maupay collapsed and outdid his protagonist by acting like a three year old doing a rag doll impression. Punch and Judy would have been horrified.

Sarah was in full referee mode in the resulting scuffle and again called another red card. This time for Kamara.

The two opposing managers were each given a yellow card and ten players in all were booked.

That was truly insane I said laughing at the end of the game but mark my words Aston Villa are definitely outside title contenders.

By the way what knickers are you wearing with your referee outfit?

Sarah put on Yellow by Coldplay.

Football is The Big Escape by Orgone. Joey Barton the former footballer has piped up about women’s cultural envy In The Game by Exit North. Everyone is angry about being Cuttin Out by Donovan. Although I must say Sarah does rile me the way she is able to not only predict the winner. She can even predict the scoreline. The woman has never kicked a ball in her life. I asked her how she does it and she just gives me that look and said I stroke my imaginary phallus and the scores just jump out of me.

She does make me laugh. Especially when she dances to Making Plans For Nigel by XTC.

Laughter and champagne is needed right now. I poured her some Krug Grand Cuvée 169e Edition and life was momentarily good.

Arsenal are seen as title contenders but I just don’t see it. Jesus Gabriel is a good player but he is not a centre forward. If Arsenal had one of their genius forwards from before like Thierry Henry or Ian Wright then yes they would win the title. But as it stands now they are solely a top four team. That may change if they buy a nailed down centre forward in the January transfer window.

Aston Villa have a much more balanced team with the likes of Ollie Watkins and Leon Bailey. Similarly, John McGinn is turning into a proper attacking midfielder. Unai Emery the former Arsenal coach is creating something special at Aston Villa.

The game was not a classic. Arsenal had all the possession. Aston Villa hit on the break in the seventh minute with a lovely flowing move and John McGinn despatched the ball into the back of the Arsenal net. Arsenal huffed and puffed. Zinchenko, Saka, Martinelli, Jesus and Ødegaard all worked hard trying to break down the rearguard but to no avail.

Having said that the handball law is an ass. Both the defender Cash and the attacker Havertz handled the ball inadvertently. However due to the law the only handball that counts is the attacking player therefore the goal was disallowed. The goal should have stood. Arteta already in the stands for poor discipline was livid as usual. He does have a point in my opinion. Although he is morphing into Captain Scarlet in a major way.

For me the title is between Liverpool and Manchester City. Manchester City have a problem. Without Kevin De Bruyne and Gundogan they are just not the same team. They just don’t have the same Colors by Beck. Liverpool are lightweight in midfield. Aston Villa are big outsiders. They play Liverpool in May. That for me is the title decider. Maybe it is too early to say. Tomorrow Never Knows by The Beatles.

One More Night by Rich Vom Dorf, The Luv under the drizzle of rain and the floodlights at The Etihad in Manchester. It is a chance to switch off from reality.

Then out come Tottenham Hotspur flying in the face of fashion with their away kit. Time to play World Shut Your Mouth by Julian Cope.

The fast tempo high press was on show from the start and a delight to see from both teams. Football at full pelt.

Doku is electric going forward but for some reason he becomes solid and treacle slow when he is asked to defend. Son just glides past him and scores the first goal. The Manchester City goalkeeper was poor as well. Ederson let the ball roll under his belly. Something that should Never by Ron Flatter happen to a goalkeeper.

Bizarrely Son didn’t want to be outshone by Doku’s woeful defending so a few minutes later he put the goal in his own net in the interests of equivalence.

The frantic and the fizz kept on coming as Haaland missed an open goal. Lovely intricate play from both sides. It went so well with the Champagne. A Bollinger Special Cuvée. The two touch football didn’t stop and Foden put a simple tap in to make it 2 - 1 to Manchester City.

The second half was more of the same high risk football. Lo Celso scoring from a sweet strike from outside the area.

The yoyo kept on keeping on as Jack Grealish scored after a lay off from Haaland. And then in a heartbeat Kulusevski scored a header in the ninetieth minute. Three goals a piece. Surely that was it.

Just to give an added frisson to the proceedings the referee Simon Hooper decided to let the play flow and then he changed his mind for some insane reason as Jack Grealish was through on goal. Controversy in the dying seconds of the game. Fifty thousand Manchester City fans were Burning by Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Sarah put on Show Me How by Men I Trust to get the evening going. The champagne was flowing. A Dom Pérignon P2 Plénitude Brut Champagne. Great entertainment means everything except when defending is a lost art. Or when mental strength is some brand on TikTok. It seems defensive solidity is a mirage.

Some things are so obvious. Ten Hag makes football decisions. He is in the Rockaway by Mac DeMarco of his technical way of seeing things. Total materialist. He doesn’t understand that football is about the lines of desire and being able to read them.

Amrabat is limited but the man is a leader and was in a game he was comfortable with. He along with Hojlund were the two players that shouldn’t have been replaced because they understood what needed to be done. They showed real desire. But that counts for nothing. Ten Hag thinks stuff like that doesn’t matter. Substitute by The Who. Newsflash Erik it is everything.

The reason why you didn’t win the game Erik was because you were trying to play football. I don’t know if you have ever played a game in your life but it doesn’t appear to be so. A footballer would never have made those substitutions. You and Fernandes and your goalkeeper let your team down. Sorry I don’t mean to be critical and harsh. Maybe I need a little bit more sublime champagne to soften the blow.

This game was there to be won. It is true that Manchester United are not a champions league team. They are barely a Europa League team. Fernandes is not a midfield player full stop. He cannot be trusted to be a grown up. Onana reminds me of Lukaku. He should be the best but he hasn’t got the decision making or the mental awareness. A big deal if you are a goalkeeper. In fact it is a complete liability.

Let’s start at the beginning. It was a nice open game. Attack versus attack. On ten minutes Garnacho scored a simple goal from terrible defending. In the 17th minute Fernandes was invited to shoot and he duly scored a stunning goal from outside the area. Then ten minutes later Fernandes switched off his brain and gave away a needless foul in a dangerous area.

This was a Salvador Dali wall with a huge door in it. All bendy and surreal. The Door in the Defensive Walls by Nymphalida was probably made by a gang of drunk chefs. Or maybe a harem of intoxicated knitwear specialists. Galatasaray were given hope and were now only one goal behind.

Entertainment counts. Defending doesn’t. Led to Manchester United’s third goal. A simple tap in from a cross.

Then on the hour mark Onana made a huge error. Imagine what David De Gea would be thinking watching this match. Diabolical goalkeeping. The comeback was on. Defenders were like Dominoes by Jungle as Akturkoglu scored a brilliant third goal for Galatasaray. The six goal thriller ended with both teams Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer.

Sarah was dancing to My Favourite Game by The Cardigans. Chelsea and Manchester City was the game we were excited about this weekend.

The champagne was already in the glass. It was a Pol Roger 2016 and 6 Underground by Sneaker Pimps was playing as the players strolled on to the pitch.

It was a night game and we were just hoping that the game would match the high intensity floodlights that were beaming out in Stamford Bridge. The gods were with us. From the beginning you saw high tempo and high pressing. The omens were good. Both teams are loaded with high quality players. The football juices were flowing.

I am not a big fan of Cucurella. I don’t really think he is a natural defender. For me he is flashy but pure Fool’s Gold by The Stone Roses. He has a more attacking approach.

Haaland lured him in by pulling on his shirt and the left back panicked and pulled him down in the penalty box. The penalty was dispatched with ease by the Norwegian destroyer. Manchester City were winning.

But then in a heartbeat Thiago Silva stepped up with a lovely near post header. A training ground routine if ever there was one. Really good goal. One goal a piece. The scene was set. Game on. Chelsea upped the gears and Sterling had an easy tap in to put Chelsea in the lead.

The game was end to end. Some of the football was a joy to see. Football at full tilt. However there were huge holes in midfield and defence. The game was so open. For some reason the Chelsea defence let Akanji have a free header in the box. He was Dancing Barefoot by Patti Smith. It was even stevens at half time.

Haaland regained the lead almost straight away in the second half by bundling the ball over the line. And then the rain came. The gods had decided to turn the entertainment up a couple of notches. Jackson pounced on the rebound from a Conor Gallagher shot to make it three a piece.

The rain kept falling. This game was in danger of becoming a classic. Chelsea kept pushing forward and Gusto really should have put the ball in the back of the net but he leant back and put it over the bar.

The wizardry of the City midfield kept moving forward and Rodri shot from outside the area. He got a wicked deflection which put Manchester City in the lead on the 86th minute. Surely that was the winning goal.

It was not to be as Dias brought down Broja in extra time and Cole Palmer struck a brilliant penalty under immense pressure in the 95th minute. The game ended a 4-4 draw. The football gods declared that the blue half of Manchester and the blue half of London would share a Blue Monday by New Order. The best game of the season so far.

Newcastle have got a lovely balance in the team. Real talent and the hunger and desire to work hard. The only thing I would say is that Callum Wilson is not a world class striker.

Arsenal want to challenge Manchester City for the premier league. Defensively they are much stronger this season although I would argue their goalkeeper is still not the real deal. Similarly I struggle with Havertz. I do think he is a weak link and out of his depth. If Saka and Martinelli had a top centre forward like Toney from Brentford or Calvert Lewin from Everton then Arsenal would be title contenders. As it stands they are not.

The world needs beauty so I opened a bottle of Champagne Perrier - Jouët Belle Epoque limited edition 2013 while Sarah put on Loss of Hope by MEUTE and then Everything Is Yours by Felix Raphael Natascha Polké and coiro.

The game in the first half was tense. Not much quality. Some excitement and lots of needle. How Havertz was not sent off is beyond me. Stuart Attwell the referee will have some questions to answer on monday regarding that challenge. And then VAR took centre stage yet again.

Newsflash. Human beings are biased and VAR is flawed. Why we find it hard to face this fact is beyond me. Nevertheless, the highly controversial goal by Anthony Gordon was somehow given. Incorrectly in my view.

The worst thing about it for me was that Raya the Arsenal goalkeeper is Death By Diamonds and Pearls by Bands Of Skulls. He has all the right attributes but he is not a top goalkeeper. Secondly technology is not conclusive. This means that human error is magnified. Football is becoming a complex shadow play of disputed narratives. Thirdly the clear and obvious foul on Gabriel the Arsenal defender was not given by the referee or VAR. What are these people smoking?

It was an important game because the outcome determines whether Arsenal can challenge Manchester City for the title. It is clear they cannot unless they invest heavily in the centre forward position. Newcastle are growing and Eddie Howe is building the foundations of a team that will challenge in the coming seasons.

The passion in both managers was clear. Eddie Howe says that the goal was given and Mikel Arteta has seen something that I haven’t. Spoken like a true politician. Arteta was fuming.

His bleating manifesto used words like Yours is No Disgrace by Yes and embarrassing. Mikel Arteta was gutted because in reality he knows he messed up buying Havertz. His outrage was deflection. He is not the first one to be on the wrong end of a VAR decision.

One event being viewed and perceived in starkly different ways. The polar opposites of one another. Football is forgotten. Beauty is somewhere else. The minutiae of the decision making process is forensically analysed. It’s the same as it ever was. Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads. As soon as the brain becomes flooded with passions and emotions the decision-making process becomes exponentially more complex and compromised. It is what makes football so universal and the reason why we cannot live without it.

First things first. Sarah put on Remember by ARTBAT and we both stood at the window and raised our glasses to Sir Bobby Charlton. He would have hated the music but he would have acknowledged the sincerity of our tribute.

He didn’t just live. He soared. He somehow survived the Munich plane crash and went on to be one of the greatest footballers in English history. Authentic sincere and real. His speciality and his passion was football. And he never veered away from that. The champagne was Palmes D’Or 2008 Rosé Intense by Nicolas Feuillatte. We raised our glasses with a few tears in our eyes to the great man. A genuine champion.

It was derby day in the Theatre of Dreams in Manchester. A big day. It means everything. Manchester City are slick. A well oiled machine. They are a joy to watch. However they are playing at Old Trafford. That must mean something. Every Piece Matters by Plini.

I realise that when Manchester City have got Rodri John Stones Foden Bernardo Da Silva Jack Grealish and Alvarez then you know the odds are stacked against you.

Straight from the kick off you could see that Manchester United were in pretend mode. The tone was set. Manchester United were flat and they were there for the taking. The body never lies.I sipped the champagne in horror looking at the shape of the pretence.

Lindelof, Rashford, Evans, Fernandes, Eriksen and Dalot. They let Manchester City play in cruise control in a derby match. Unconscionable. There was no passion. No questions asked by Manchester United.

They just rolled over and invited the blue half of Manchester to show off all their beautiful jewellery. They let them Breathe by Intervals.

And that is what happened. The warning signs were there from the eighth minute. The marking and defensive shape was laughable. The red devils were red bunny rabbits lost in the Feedback by Kanye West. Manchester City played Wellll by Jacob Collier.

Da Silva Foden and Grealish were literally waltzing around as though they were on Strictly Come Dancing. The illusion of football was being shattered before my very eyes. There was zero cohesion in the United team. The Tower of Babel by Natalie Merchant.

Granted the penalty was soft but the sheer lack of desire to get back into the game after that means only one thing. As stated previously Ten Hag has not got what it takes and he has lost the dressing room. Those players were pussycats not warriors. I am shocked he has lasted this long.

Haaland would have had a hat trick if it wasn’t for Onana. He was in the mood to Get It On by T. Rex. The defensive play from Manchester United was schoolboy and reactive. Men given oceans of space against boys like rabbits in the headlights in Manchester.

Three nil is bad but what is worse is complete capitulation. At least the champagne is good and no one can take away our memories of the great man Sir Bobby Charlton.

If Music Could Talk by The Clash was playing out loud. If only. The champagne was poured. A Bollinger Special Cuvée. The game was just about to start. Everton were playing at Goodison Park against Bournemouth. This was a big game for both teams. Both struggling. Both trying to get their season started in the premier league.

The first goal would be crucial. Bournemouth were still waiting for their first win and they felt they had a good chance here facing Everton.

The start couldn’t have been better for Everton. James Garner was playing in the centre midfield role. He picked up the ball after a slip by the Bournemouth defender and calmly slotted the ball into the back of the net.

His first goal for the club. James Garner looks to me like a real player. I think it was a mistake for Manchester United to let him go. The champagne was going down really well.

Everton were playing with confidence. Bournemouth looked like they hadn’t been briefed that they were playing away from home. The crowd were in full voice and raucous. Calvert Lewin and Doucoure were causing the away team all sorts of problems. Then Neto went Punch by Oliver Michael. A punch not too far as his clearance went straight to Jack Harrison who brilliantly lobbed it into the Bournemouth goal. Two goals before half time. The Cherries were in trouble.

The second half was no better for Bournemouth. The defensive errors were still there. Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime by The Korgis.

Everton made it three via Doucoure. A crucial win. The Blues were starting to look like a coherent and confident team. Sean Dyche hoping that he has managed to change the narrative. Bournemouth however looked naive and disorganised. They need to get it sorted as soon as possible.

Sarah sipped some more champagne as she played While My Guitar Gently Weeps by The Beatles. And then followed it with A Flower is not a Flower by Ryuichi Sakamoto.

Flimsy is a beautiful word. It is a wonderful adjective to describe VAR. In the football world VAR is making HAL 9000 look like a pussycat. There are no lapses in my concentration as I pour the champagne. A Taittinger Prestige Rosé.

Tottenham against Liverpool was a good football match for 26 minutes. Both sides looking to break the deadlock. Then it went full on Verdi opera. Curtis Jones lunged forward. His tackle was awkward and his foot went over the ball on to Bissouma’s ankle.

A straight red card. Liverpool were down to ten men. Klopp was on The Prowl by Dan Auerbach. Luis Diaz is a Live Wire by AC/DC. He received the pass from Salah and scored. Cue the flimsical world of VAR. A simple decision could not have been more willfully botched.

Gomez is a good player but he has a habit of switching off. And right back is not his best position. Richarlison ran on the outside of him who then fed Son with a lovely simple lay off. Spurs were in the lead.

In spite of this Liverpool kept up the pressure and scored an equaliser through Gakpo. With a fabulous turn and pirouette to put the ball into the back of the net. The link up play between Salah and Diaz is pretty special.

Alisson made an unbelievable save in the second half from Son. The game was still finely balanced. Then the Liverpool substitute Jota decided to make things more complex. He collected his second yellow card. Liverpool were playing with nine men.

Oops Spurs did it again and scored in the last minute. Liverpool were Losing Game by Gheist.

The champagne was poured. It was a Louis Roederer collection 244. Sarah was relaxed and put on House Song by Searows. The sun was out and the air was calm.

Lots of European blues for Brighton. Their first foray into Europe didn’t work out for them. However, at home in the premier league they are in the groove. Confidence is up. It is lovely to see. Mitoma is world class. Billy Gilmour is so composed. He is starting to realise his potential as a midfielder.

Bournemouth scored the first goal from a goalkeeping howler. Brighton were maybe in for a bad day against Bournemouth. They would Need 2 by Pinegrove to up their game to get a win.

The seagulls got lucky. Another error this time from a Bournemouth defender. It was level at half time.

The Bournemouth manager reminds me of Bielsa the former Leeds manager. His team is set up to play and there are some good players. Unfortunately, they just switch off and stop competing.

It is a strange thing to see. But you see it in the modern game now more and more. Billing at the beginning of the second half was a perfect illustration of this.

He just switched off.

It led to Mitoma scoring his first goal. Some mention must be given to the layoff from Dahoud which was sublime.

That second goal was costly for Bournemouth. Mitoma scored again. Bournemouth remain winless. Not a good sign after six games.

It cannot stay like that Forever by Alex G. It is One For The Road by Arctic Monkeys for Andoni Iraola. He needs to change the way his team plays to cope with the pressures of the premier league.

My heart sank when I saw the quiche on the plate. I felt the same when I saw the team sheet for Manchester United. Thankfully the champagne was on hand. Champagne Deutz Rosé Millésime 2016.

I am sorry to say but I think Erik Ten Hag is in the endgame. He has so much flair and talent around him but he doesn’t see it. He is stuck stuck stuck to quote Tracey Emin who is probably not a football fan. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if she agreed with me. His combinations and his man management are not good enough.

Move Casemiro to centre back and play Garnacho and Sancho in midfield with Fernandes and McTominay. Garnacho, Sancho and Aaron Wan Bissaka are probably singing I Can’t Hear You by The Dead Weather.

He had on his cool anorak again and tried to show how flexible he was by switching to a tweed jacket for the after the match interview. He is fooling no-one. He needs to learn how to Spread Your Love by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club for the wingers in his squad.

The team is under achieving. They have gone backwards and are not working. Brighton are fluid and just brushed Manchester United aside. I think it is Time to F by Cinthie.

Anyway, I digress. The other game we watched was the Tottenham Hotspur versus Sheffield United. Ange Postecoglou is getting it right. He is a ray of light. He can Dry the Rain by The Beta Band. He is giving his players the freedom to play and to express themselves. Crucially he sees talent and uses it.

Both Spurs and Sheffield United approached the game in the right way. Fast paced. And I have to say Jackie Long Throw is sensational. He obviously loves spinach. The game had chances galore for both sides.

A really open game.

Spurs were pushing and pushing but just couldn’t find an opening and Sheffield United were resolute at the back and defended superbly.

Then against the run of play Jackie Long Throw did the business and Hamer scored for Sheffield United. Spurs were in trouble.

They huffed and they puffed. Spurs couldn’t find a way past Fotheringham the goalkeeper. That is until Richarlison changed the game with a superb header and a brilliant assist in the dying embers of added time. And the ecstasy of Do You Realise?? by The Flaming Lips was in the hearts of the Spurs fans and players. Ange Postecoglou but sadly Erik Ten Hag doesn’t.

Arsenal against Manchester United is a deep thing. Always something to look forward to. Historic games. Some unforgettable moments. In today’s game however there is no room for nostalgia. The season has only just begun and already the pressure is on.

This is a big game and season defining.

Sarah pressed play. Miracle by Adriatique and WhoMadeWho. I wholeheartedly agreed. It would be a miracle if Manchester United got anything from this game. My heart sank when I saw the team selection. Garnacho was on the bench.

I have no idea how Ten Hag sees things. All I know is Garnacho is breathtaking and thankfully his hairdresser has toned things down. Rashford is a world class player.

Mediocrity is the definitive adjective for the Manchester United midfield. Dire the descriptor for their defence. It is clear as day. They are not Champion by Rampa, Sparrow & Barbossa and Keinemusik.

I opened the champagne.

A Duval - Leroy Femme de Champagne. I instantly felt better. The whole vibe for United is An Arrow In The Wall by Death Cab for Cutie. If I had Drake’s number, I would put a shedload of bitcoin on Ten Hag being out of a job in the not-too-distant future.

If Rashford played for Arsenal, they could possibly win the league. Arsenal don’t really have any identity either as yet.

Importantly they don’t starve their best players. Saka and Martinelli are fed. Flair and guile are celebrated. They are seen as something special. Rashford is Not by PVA. He scored a beautiful goal out of nothing. He made it look easy going past two defenders. The same way Manchester United allowed Arsenal back into the game. Easy easy easy.

The defensive shape for United is laughable.

I needed more champagne. Arsenal are fluid and creating a positive future.

A draw was on the cards for the game.

Finally, Garnacho was introduced. And surprise surprise he got the second goal for United. Unfortunately for them it was offside.

There was more Harm by Beacon to come. The two centre backs for Manchester United had been substituted. So, when Declan Rice was completely unmarked at the back post he was given a free shot. He duly scored.

Defensively it was schoolboy central.

There are no leaders in the United team.

Declan Rice didn’t care one jot about that. For him This Feeling featuring Sophie Hunger by Brandt Brauer Frick was ecstatic. Jesus then finished it off beautifully with the third goal.

Arsenal are still a young team and still building their identity. They got the three points today against a team who are abject in defence and virtually lifeless in midfield. Why McTominay was not playing is mind boggling. It just doesn’t make sense. Maybe I am too steeped in nostalgia to see things clearly. More champagne please.

A lot can happen in 200 seconds. In my case a full glass of champagne was downed. It was a Laurent-Perrier, Cuvée Rosé Brut, Champagne NV. Sarah frowned. In Liverpool’s case there were two major defensive errors. Trent Alexander Arnold let the ball go under his foot and Gordon just waltzed on in doing his very best Fred Astaire impression. He put the ball between Alisson’s legs. Newcastle were one nil up.

Then Virgil Van Dijk lost his composure and took Isak out as he was through on goal. Cue the song and the colour red by Underworld.

A straight red card.

Liverpool were down to ten men. Klopp and his boys were in trouble. Newcastle were at home and there was only twenty eight minutes on the clock.

The stage was set for a Newcastle win.

Their players were virtually carrying their digital selves in the way Björk describes in her song Ovule.

Jurgen Klopp has this ability to dig deep. His players worked hard. Szoboszlai has been a revelation. He is a machine. Endo and MacAllister never stopped breaking up play. They all worked hard. Klopp was singing This World Couldn’t See us by Nabihah Iqbal to his midfield warriors.

Liverpool hung on. There was still only one goal in it.

There was a stasis. A stalemate.

Newcastle had no one who could change the game. They were flat. There was no flair. Almiron, however, forced Alisson into a world class save.

Klopp the inherent risk taker played his cards. He went for it.

He brought on Jota and Nunez.

Really brave from Klopp. A masterstroke. They blew up Newcastle’s flaws. Defensively they are too rigid. Not enough intelligence and guile in there.

Jota is the definition of a game changer. Nunez blitzed the goal. Eddie Howe was shellshocked. Klopp had shown him that sometimes football doesn’t add up. Sometimes everything is not so black and white. Two plus two sometimes equals five. He will not find it easy to find A Place to Lie by Art School Girlfriend.

Eddie Howe was destitute while Klopp was dancing on the touchline singing extra read all about it from You Knew by Roisin Murphy.

Saturday afternoon. Sarah took my breath away. She handed me a glass of champagne. Philipponnat’s Clos des Goises. The sublime and the surreal. Brian Wilson from the Smile album. That voice that genius. It was such a shock in a beautiful way. It had been sampled for the track GMT by Oliver Sim. A lovely way to get the juices flowing before the football.

Wolves were hosting Brighton. The sun was shining. Football was in the air.

Fifteen minutes later Mitoma was on the touchline just in the opposition half. For the second time within an hour, I was in awe. He cut through the whole of the wolves’ midfield and defence to score one of the best goals of the season. Incredible skill. Incredible player. Incredible ballet. It was a pure Nijinsky moment.

Brighton are blessed with real talent. Molyneux was muted after that first goal.

They almost got back into it. Fabio Silva was through on goal but he couldn’t finish. Wolves finished the first half the stronger team and really should have got the equaliser.

The champagne was good. We chilled out to Silberfisch by Pole.

The second half was a walkover. Brighton just made Wolves look like puppies in a tik tok video. Wolves were Left Behind (Oliver Schories) Remix by Two Lanes, Panama and Oliver Schories.

Brighton were the better team by a country mile and Gary O’Neil did his best not to show the panic on his first home game in front of the Wolves fans. I felt bad for him.

They managed to get one goal back but then their best player Nunes decided to get sent off in the last minute of the game. Petty and petulant. Wolves literally had Nothing Left To Lose by Everything But The Girl.

Football is an addiction. It is Saturday night. Sarah is hyped up. She is wearing a blue cotton striped oversized woven shirt with black trousers. Champagne in her hand. Just before kickoff.  Newcastle against Aston Villa. 

The champagne is a good one. A Louis Roederer Cristal Rosé 2013. She was smiling.

Please she said. Just this once.

I pulled my long t shirt down over my hands just the way I did when I was playing. She went all flush and said thank you. She hit the play button while I tried to ignore my champagne belly. More Love, Sylvere Remix.

We were back in the game. The match was about to begin. St James’ Park stadium was rocking. The atmosphere was pure black and white feel good.

Six minutes in and the cross from Gordon was so old-fashioned and beautiful. There was Sandro Tonali making a wonderful impression of Kevin Keegan. A gorgeous goal with lovely echoes from the past.

The stage was set. The game was set up nicely and then somehow Aston Villa equalised a few minutes later. Villa are a good team and they have high hopes for this season.

This game was Yoyo by Donae’O featuring Lili Caseley.

Aston Villa were naive. Newcastle’s second goal was so easy and Isak lapped it up.

Isak is a real player. He got a tap in for his first goal. However, the second goal reminded me of Faustino Asprilla. It was sensational.

Gordon had a brilliant game and was the supplier yet again. Somehow Isak managed to win the ball off the defender and chipped it into the net. Very special. Newcastle were purring. This was turning into a bad day for Dracula’s boys.

Newcastle’s link up play and interplay got them their fourth goal. Callum Wilson stepping up.

Aston Villa were Down On My Luck by Vic Mensa. The final kill shot was delivered by Harvey Barnes. He wound up a brilliant start to the season for the magpies. His first goal in a Newcastle shirt. Newcastle were impressive. They look like solid contenders for the top four in this form. Eddie Howe might even get the call up to be Ken in the Barbie follow up film. He is on the way up.

Sarah shone and put on Only by Gheist at the end of the game. We finished the champagne on a real high and looking forward to the Chelsea versus Liverpool game tomorrow. Sarah finished with Peaches I Feel Cream.

If if if. The three degrees of difference between being champions of Europe or not. The Inter Milan players will be in a difficult place today. They could not have played much better. They literally cancelled Gundogan and Rodri for the majority of the game. For me, John Stones and Ederson were the two best players for Manchester City.

There is just one thing I would have done differently to Simone Inzaghi. I wouldn’t have started with Dzeko.

I know Lukaku only had to head through the ball. If if if. If he does that it is a goal. For some inexplicable reason he tried to glance the header into the other corner but didn’t get enough purchase or direction on it allowing Ederson to save the day for Manchester City.

Talk about The Three Degrees. No, No Not Again. The Inter Milan players will have those make or break moments running through their heads. Dark Thoughts by Skylar Grey.

Manchester City are triple champions. A Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads achievement. Sarah and I were drinking a bottle of VIK La Piu Belle Champagne 2009 while we watched the tears of joy and despair going through the different sets of players.

It has been a tough season for everyone and we may have had one or two tipples too many but we have enjoyed sharing our love of football with you and are already looking forward to next season. Cheers.

All eyes are on Inter Milan. Can they play the game of their lives and stop Manchester City getting their hands on the much coveted Champions League Cup? Manchester City will be very Hard to Beat by Hard-Fi.

Ilkay Gundogan is such an interesting player. At times he goes missing but he has the knack of scoring beautiful goals. If it wasn’t for an offside call he would have had a F A Cup final hat trick. Not many of those.

I don’t understand why Ten Hag chose Jadon Sancho above Garnacho. They are worlds apart. One player feels football. The other player doesn’t perform. So it is baffling to me. Garnacho would be my first player in the team. 

De Gea is not the goalkeeper de rigueur. His positional sense is much like mine. Sometimes no matter how hard I look in the fridge I cannot see the champagne. Life is a constant struggle. The champagne today was Pol Roger Brut Reserve Champagne. It felt good.

Jose Mourinho would have crafted his deepest layer of hell Goya smile when he saw that Paul Tierney gave the penalty against Jack Grealish. Jose cannot kill the evil thought. God Is a Cop by Midwife. How that was handball is beyond me. Let us swim in the cliché. The handball law is not worth the paper it is written on. It is nonsensical. It is subjective. There is no consistency at all. Referees follow rules. It seems to me that sometimes they don’t really understand the game. Simply because they have never played a game of football in their life. The law is an ass and that is being extremely unkind to beautiful donkeys.

Back to Wembley stadium. Manchester City were so dominant against Manchester United. The interesting thing now is will it be the same for Inter Milan. Seasons (Waiting on You) by Future Islands.

Manchester United have got a long time to wait. Tribulations by LCD Soundsystem. They are going nowhere fast.

Emotions are yellow yellow yellow. Even the champagne was a yellow label Brut Veuve Clicquot. Both benches were volcanic. The football was infected with high stakes. A place in the Champions League. There was just Too much blood by The Rolling Stones in this game.

Anthony Taylor found it very difficult to control the match in Budapest. There were several contentious decisions. The handball rule is so arbitrary. It is no wonder it causes so much grief. It is unfathomable. Also I don’t know why Lamela was not sent off for a second yellow. That point is unquestionable. And a definitive error on Anthony Taylor’s part.

Another discrepancy is that Taylor booked Pellegrini for diving but not Ocampos. They both should have been booked. But only Pellegrini was booked. To be fair to the referee it was almost an impossible game to officiate. Every man on that pitch and bench was loaded by Primal Scream - The Andy Weatherall mix with serious menopausal episodes. It was like a Mel Brooks film. Men pulling their hair out. Hilariously shocking. Mel Brooks would have played Jose Mourinho brilliantly.

Anthony Taylor is  one of the better referees. However I don’t think people understand how bias impacts on decision making. Bias is hidden even from the person who is making the decision. Even Var cannot undo the bias. Bias is a Floating Point that never leaves us.

The football was intense. It was obvious that Seville were the more technical team. Roma were carrying a few injuries. Dybala being the key one for them. Both teams gave their all in a tense match. It just wasn’t to be for Roma.

Football. Nerves. Fear. Angst and anxiety. Football can turn you into a basket case. Football belongs to the fans. Fans don’t get transferred. Fans don’t receive a bonus. Fans are loyal. Unfortunately it is the fans who carry the burden and heartache. It is a real beast. A beast of burden by The Rolling Stones for the fans of Leeds, Leicester and Everton. The champagne was Collet Esprit Couture Brut. It was needed.

A relegation battle means only one thing. Fate and destiny compressed into distinct heart stopping moments. A mistake here. A glorious save there.

Pascal Struijk and Luke Ayling made serious defensive errors at the beginning of the game and at the start of the second half. Effectively sealing Leeds relegation. The Big Sam express was sunk. Sinking in the Mist by Jr Thomas and The Volcanos.

Porro was a game changer for Tottenham Hotspur and Lucas Moura’s dance past four or five lukewarm Leeds players to score was surreal. Leeds were down. The boos rang out at Elland Road. You Can Be So Cruel by Royal Blood. The supporters fate was sealed.

Harvey Barnes scored a beautiful goal for Leicester early in the first half. Leicester were momentarily safe. Would it stay that way?

Evertonians will always remember the number 57. 57 by Biffy Clyro. Focus and quality came to Goodison Park in the form of Abdoulaye Doucoure. He lined himself up to hit the back of the net and in so doing became a new born messiah of merseyside. A vital goal for Everton.

Leicester City’s game with West Ham had finished with a Leicester win. The Leicester players stayed on the pitch with 26 dollars in their hand. They were Waiting For The Man by The Velvet Underground and Nico to hear if Bournemouth could get an equaliser against Everton.

There was ten minutes of injury time at Goodison Park. The tension was excruciating. Everton survived. Ugly days. Leicester City and Leeds are relegated. Everton the grand old team retain their premier league status to play their 70th season in 2023/4. Soixante Dix - 70 by Lomepal.

A glass of champagne in my hand. I have all the time in the world. Time is moving much slower. I am just an observer. I am looking at Patrick Bamford the centre forward for Leeds United. He is preparing himself before he takes his penalty kick. His focus is solely on the ball. If he scores Leeds go 2 - 0 against Newcastle. The champagne is good. A bottle of Louis Roederer Cristal Brut Champagne. I wonder if Bamford is thinking about small increments. The difference between scoring a penalty and not. The difference between staying in the Premier League or not.

The pressure is on. You don’t get to warm up and rehearse. It is now or never. I looked at him. Saw the fear. All the Everton, Leicester and Nottingham Forest fans are looking at him too. Their destinies are in his hands too. Everything is interconnected at this stage of the football season. All the Leeds fans are praying he will make their day. In fact make their season. Everything is hinged on just small little increments.

The goalkeeper saves. The Leeds fans are besides themselves with grief. The Newcastle fans cannot believe their eyes when they see Callum Wilson dispatch a penalty kick and score literally two minutes after Bamford missed his penalty. The scoreline is now 1 - 1. The momentum has flipped like a switch. Big Sam Allardyce throws his head into his hands. The scene is lit with the energy of the self destruct button and desperation. The relegation snapshot has completely changed in an instant.

All the fans from the other teams in the relegation battle have found a new sense of hope. Hoping that Leeds will lose the game. It doesn’t work out that way. Leeds draw. Maybe Leeds will not be relegated after all.

Apparently Big Sam needed two valium at the end of the game. The level of stress in these games is unbearable at times. Sarah put on some Carla Bley to chill out. A lovely tune called Lawns.

Manchester City matched Real Madrid in every sense the other night and then there was the smallest of flicks from the magician Modric. Camavinga was released. He surged forward. Passed to Vinicius who then fired into the net from outside the area. A spectacular goal.

De Bruyne replied with a goal in the second half. The tie ended in a draw. You sense that Manchester City are determined not to go through the pain they went through last year in those final few minutes against Real Madrid. They are planning on No More Tears by Ozzie Osbourne. Real Madrid are ruthless. Manchester City are geared up. The second tie will be close.

Manchester City played against Everton on the sunday. Two days before the return match against Real Madrid. Gundogan produced a real moment of magic and Everton collapsed. The reality of relegation is staring them in the face. They lost the game 3 - 0. Manchester City are relentless and are a good bet for the treble. Everton are staring at the abyss.

These are ten important days for the blue side of Manchester. Sarah put on Ten Days of Blue by John Beltran.

This is the part of the season when time and space is bent out of shape every few minutes. A bit like my head after drinking too much champagne. A bit like the drum machine going in and out of time at the beginning of Bela Lugosi’s Dead by Bauhaus. The champagne was several bottles over several evenings. I’m dead…I’m dead…I’m dead…Krug Grande Cuvée 170th Edition.

Things can go really well or really badly. Memories of Love by Synkro. The highs and lows in a football match overlap one another leaving the football fan emotionally exhausted. Football can inspire. Football is Euphoria by Killing Joke. Football can be a thing of beautiful flow. Equally football can hurt. Really hurt. Things can become so toxic. Football can be Pain by The War on Drugs.

A player who is confident where things are going well sees a totally different football pitch compared to the player who lacks confidence.

For this player things couldn’t be worse.

The state of being in a relegation battle is hard to describe. The taste of defeat is everywhere and it stays with you forever.

At the other end of the spectrum football works its magic and creates chances and ultimately goals.

Take Brighton versus Manchester United.

A brilliant match. Brighton were superb. Manchester United played well but were eventually undone by a resilient and it has to be said magnificent Brighton team.

The stadium was joyous. Ecstatic. A historic chapter for Brighton to chase the European dream. Then four nights later the crowd are walking out of the stadium as they are 4 - 0 down to relegation threatened Everton within the first half hour. A total shock. No one could have predicted that. Everton eventually went on to win 5 - 1.

Chaos reigns supreme at this point in the season. Sometimes the managers even morph into French Philosophers. Big Sam is back. He is in his naive period trying to brush up on his phenomenological outlook. Experience is king. If he had Manchester City’s players he would win everything too. His enthusiasm is infectious. However it didn’t help the game plan. As they lost 2 - 1. Leeds will be hoping that they were not Born Slipping by Joy Orbison and Tyson.

Who will win the Premier League? Who will get relegated? We probably will not know until the last day of the season. One day when everything happens. One Day by Bjork.

Match of the Day does that insane thing whereby the table changes every couple of minutes and reality is no longer reliable. Everything changes. Fabulous entertainment but the stress induced for the poor fans. Intolerable. Will it be deep deep down either Manchester City or Arsenal have lost the big one? Sarah put on Manchester by Martyn.

Champagne bends reality. We went for the Krug Grande Cuvée 170th Edition. Football is another world. This season is other worldly. I don’t know if it is because of the world cup at christmas throwing the space time continuum into a world of Messi poems made up of football pleasure domes or what. It is pure Jeenge by Infected Mushroom.

This season is like Macbeth with a splash of The Matrix. To be or not to be, that is the question. Sixty-five per cent of managers so far are not to be this season alone. They have taken the blue pill. Their story has ended. No matter how good they are. Their talent has been sucked up by the rabbit hole.

We watched two games this weekend. We have seen things so out there we don’t know what reality is anymore.

The second goal for Manchester City at the beginning of the second half against Liverpool was one of the biggest defensive malfunctions ever.

Fabinho headed the ball down towards Trent Alexander Arnold who was totally out of position waiting for the ball to come to him. Konate had moved over into the right back position. Grealish who had his best game ever for Manchester City just laid the ball off for Alvarez sitting on the half way line. No Liverpool midfielders were in sight so Van Dyke decided to half heartedly press the Manchester City forward. Van Dyke couldn’t have been more out of position if he had tried. Robertson too was in the centre circle acting like a centre back. Alvarez passed the ball into the big wide open spaces to Mahrez. A game changing pass which led to a goal laid out on a plate for De Bruyne to score. And then the collapse.

The Klopp function is destroyed. Sarah played Reese by Big Red Machine and then Punk Rock Loser by Viagra Boys.

The Ten Hag function is about as alluring as a fake rolex or a Harry Kane dive. Reality is truly cracking up.

Manchester United were completely outplayed. They are like pastiche versions of themselves. No one listens to one another. There were one or two moments were things came together. The pass from Bruno Fernandes in the first half to Rashford was phenomenal. The moment ends there.

Manchester United were one nil down so Ten Hag took a walk on the wild side and decided to take off both centre backs. Seconds later Callum Wilson scored a headed goal. Newcastle won 2-0. Possibly one of the weirdest substitutions ever. Reality splitting the atom right in front of us. Sarah put on Substitutions by Bass Da Boy the original mix and then Cracking Up by The Jesus and Mary Chain. The champagne tasted good and Sarah put on The Cognitive Trade Off Hypothesis by Viagra Boys.

Sarah was playing The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy after the Manchester United win against Newcastle in the Carabao Cup Final. We were drinking Louis Roederer Cristal Brut Champagne 2012. 

The champagne was good. The game was a predictable affair. There was a confidence about the early Manchester United play but Newcastle were easy to play against. There was a gulf in class. Newcastle’s desire was fairly lightweight in my opinion.

Casemiro does make a difference to the whole balance of the team. He just knows what he is doing. And it is contagious. Together with the street fighter Martinez they have completely changed the whole dynamic of the Man Utd team. Everything is less coached. There is a heart and soul to the team now.

I think the modern game over complicates things in many ways. Newcastle have superior aerial qualities defensively and yet they chose to defend with a high line that allowed Casemiro to beat them in the air. A stupid goal to give away. There was no need.

The defensive high line is the fashion. However for me in this case it is the wrong thing to do. Newcastle paid the price by not working to their strengths. Followers of fashion.

Weghorst made a difference too. He is an underrated player and he is difficult to play against. He has a presence about him on the football pitch that very few others have. His charisma and incisiveness created the goal for the reborn Rashford.

Manchester United have found their mojo. More champagne and more music as Sarah put on Redlight by Swedish House Mafia and Sting.

To quote the great Marvin Gaye What is Going On? Sometimes it feels like you have entered the wrong cinema. Or you are in the wrong healing space getting the wrong therapy. You go to the shrink expecting some soothing words and if you are lucky a lovely glass of quality brandy but then all of a sudden R. D. Laing pops out from behind the curtain and it goes all primal scream. That is what happened tonight. I am still having Apocalypse Now flashbacks at that third Real Madrid goal. Modric was the Joker in Batman thinking. Why are all the Liverpool defenders doing Joe Biden impressions in front of the Liverpool goal? Militão just went in a straight line from the back post to the near post and headed in a simply bizarre goal. A good goal from Real Madrid’s point of view. A Schrodinger’s Cat of a goal from Liverpool’s point of view. In that moment Liverpool were dead and alive at the same time. Sarah and I hit the champagne big time at that point. We knew we were going through something but didn’t have the words to express it. So we opened another bottle of Pol Roger Brut Champagne and guzzled it down to try and figure out what exactly is going on. Liverpool are 2 nil up after fifteen minutes. A positive start. Vinicius Junior is a great player and changed the game. However Fabinho and Gomez just didn’t put in a tackle. Gomez was waiting for Godot. Fabinho was absurdist. The whole balance of the team is off. They are just ghosts. Ghosts in red. Real Madrid were auditioning for the lead role in The Last Tango in Paris. The Liverpool team were playing as though the ball was made of butter. The whole match was Salvador Dali surreal. Sarah swigged another glass of champagne and put on The Freaks by David Guetta and Marten Hørger and then followed it by Molfar by Miss Monique.