george-worst - ctrocks

CT Rocks

the george worst's
football club

Football was always my way out. My escape. This is no VAR. The scything tackles are for elsewhere. This is me. George Worst. Talking you through the best moments in replay. Cheers.

premier league 2026/2027

day 3

Sarah is in art deco mode and looks spectacular in a Mondrian mini dress, all primary-colour geometry and sharp edges. She is singing Wow by Kate Bush as she sips the champagne. That little gasp of wonder in the vocal sitting perfectly on the bubbles. Then she puts on You See the Art in Everything by Peter Coyle Fractal. Week three. Football and music. It’s showtime. The Premier League is purring, but I am starting to need a lie-down.

The London derby first. On another day Chelsea could have won it. Their attacking play is first class, all quick combinations and players who look as if they are having fun. The blue interplay. Their defence, by contrast, is Lidl. The key difference between Arsenal and Chelsea is that the Gunners now have several actual leaders. Ødegaard is up there, conducting with the quiet authority of a man who is feeling good about life. Havertz is in his hairdressing element, cute flick-ons and curly-perm lay-offs that would not look out of place in a 1974 salon I used to frequent back in the day. Arsenal played well at the Emirates against a fluid and exciting Chelsea and got their win. It is still not a foregone conclusion they will win the title, but they have the look of a side that knows where the power is. On comes Heroes by David Bowie, because someone has to stand up straight while Chelsea's back four continues its impression of a collapsing deckchair.

Everton hosted Manchester United at the new stadium in glorious sunshine. The big question beforehand was whether the United midfield of Mainoo and Tielemans would dominate the pattern of play. For twenty minutes they did. Rashford looked back to his best, which is to say he looked like a man who has remembered where he left his pace. Fernandes hit the bar with a lovely technical volley. Mbeumo drifted in from the left and scored early in the second half. A poor goal to concede from Everton’s point of view. They did better when Tarkowski produced a sensational tackle on Cunha to stop a certain second. Everton fans clutched their pearls so tightly you could hear the string snap. However they threw their hands in the air like they just didn't care when Tyrique George scored a belter. What a goal. Level. Luke Shaw is way past his best, but his crosses remain inch-perfect, the last functioning part of a once-great machine. Sesko jumped and headed United in front with minutes to go. Surely that was it.

Inexplicably, Michael Carrick changed his back four. With seconds remaining Mazraoui chose to pass the ball out of his own box as though he were performing in the sheer niceties of Hector's House. A basic instinct would have been to go full Sharon Stone and just hoof it into the stands. Up stepped Maitland-Niles, on his debut for Everton, and scored a brilliant goal from twenty-five yards. A side-foot screamer. It sounds like a Carry On film and, in the best possible way, it was. Everton managed a draw and were elated. United were gutted and completely deflated.

New managers need a good start. Neither Fulham nor Crystal Palace have enjoyed the joy of a win yet, so this already feels like a big game. Both play good football and both play out from the back, which is a lovely principle until the back in question starts improvising. Fulham scored first and then sat down as if they had completed the assignment. Palace showed intensity and the simple desire to get the equaliser. Both keepers made superb saves. The margins between the teams were virtually ten-denier. Palace got their goal through Mitchell after magnificent play from Josh King, who looks like a player with a proper future. Palacios sent Fulham in front again. King went close to a third. Then calamity called in the Fulham defence. Garcia attempted some kind of dance kick and missed the ball entirely. He needs to improve his dance moves, or at least pick ones that involve the ball. Palace were level. Fulham pushed for a winner that would not fall. After high drama in the final third, Ben Chilwell, just on as substitute, scored the third for Palace. Fulham were desperate. Pierre Sage was the happy herb at the end; Arbeloa was a broken shell. On comes Let's Dance by David Bowie, because Sarah can and Sarah will.

Haaland again for Manchester City, because of course he did. Coventry were brave and organised and still lost, which is becoming their specialist subject. The rest of the games were draws, the sort of results that leave everyone reaching for another bottle out of sheer politeness. Newcastle and Bournemouth cancelled each other out with a thrilling score draw. Sunderland and Brentford produced the kind of 1-1 that makes you respect both sides and immediately forget the game. Sarah puts on Strange Overtones by David Byrne, because even the draws deserve a chorus.

Some fantastic football to go with the drinking and the dancing. Sarah starts Wowing again, Mondrian squares catching the light. There is beauty in everything if you look at it through enough champagne. Football. Drama. Music.

premier league 2026/2027

day 2

Sarah smiles the smile of Mrs Merton mid-question, the one she saves for asking a newly promoted manager what first attracted him to a squad with no shin pads and a chairman who thinks VAR is a a sexy term for lingerie. On comes Bass Persuades by Miley. The room hits fun time mode. Week two. Football and music in full three-dimensional colour. She raises her glass and the champagne colours her delicious smile. Life is still winning, just about, in the way a man clings to his old football boots.

I know I am getting old because I am seeing more and more teams without a balanced structure, and more and more of my own sentences trailing off before they've — anyway. Everything is going into freeform ballet. The game used to have grit. Now it's a beautiful dance, not a hint of Heavy Weather by Peter Hammill, and certainly no shin pads.

Arsenal are clear favourites for the league, mainly because their away kit is fantastic, which is as good a metric as expected goals and considerably easier to understand. They stroll to victory at Villa Park. Aston Villa play well and show plenty of solidity and no initiative whatsoever, like a man doing an excellent impression of a football team who has not been decimated in the transfer window while quietly being decimated in the transfer window. Saka does the necessary. Arsenal stroll to their victory in beautiful Yellow by Coldplay.

Ipswich don't follow the script and play lovely, quick, open football at Old Trafford. Genuinely surprised. Delighted, but surprised. Enciso is a player. Such a shame he didn't score in the thirteenth minute, a stat I include for no reason other than it would have been mega. Fatawu dances past Shaw, who is past his sell-by date in the way milk is past its sell-by date. Technically still there, definitely a health risk. And crosses for Davis to score. Nunez's heartbreaking slip lets Fernandes equalise before half time, and then Manchester United become an entirely different team, the way Jekyll becomes Hyde. Rashford is back to form, but Fernandes's hat-trick is what survives the retelling. On comes How to Pray by Dahi featuring Kendrick Lamar and Amber Mark. The room takes a breath.

Fulham are vulnerable to relegation. They play pure football, the Spanish way. Out from the back, patient, cultured. Which is a lovely way of saying they have no interest whatsoever in the moan and groan of a wet Tuesday in the Premier League. Sunderland push and work and get the crucial goal from Wilson Isidor: hard-won, deserved, unglamorous. Sorry to say it, Drake. If you're reading this and the royalties are slowing down, put a ton of cash on Fulham going down this year. It's the safest bet in the building, and I include the champagne. Sarah sways to Early in the Morning by the Gap Band. Shame it's mid-afternoon. My timing, like Fulham's Premier League survival, has never been my forte.

Lots of teams have fantastic players but the balance is all wrong, and nobody demonstrates this quite like Chelsea, a team assembled by someone who has heard of a defence but never actually been bothered. There are more gaps in their back four than in the mouth of Shane MacGowan of the Pogues, which — like the Pogues — is somehow still capable of producing something beautiful. Chelsea score early, dazzle constantly, concede regularly, and generally behave like a firework display designed by a man who's already had a few. Brighton, similarly gifted, make it four-three. The mood is pumping with Pass Out by Tinie Tempah. Sarah is in top gear now. The dance moves are getting the stars out, and possibly several neighbours.

Manchester City are the closest to Arsenal. Good to see Foden back — although "back" and "in form" are doing a lot of work in that sentence, because the simplest tap-ins remain anathema to him. As soon as he sees the goal, he fluffs his lines, like a man doing a wedding speech about a marriage he's not sure will last. Performance anxiety in the box.The penalty box, not the other box, though frankly the evidence for either is inconclusive. City look regimented next to Arsenal's fluency but still put four past Palace, because a well-drilled machine beats no machine at all. Sarah moves towards Touch Touch by Haute & Freddy.

Liverpool are in Chelsea mode. The full-backs are problematic, Van Dijk is ageing like fine wine, and Frimpong — skilful, committed, occasionally thrilling — is not, in any legal or footballing sense, a full-back. They share the points with Forest, 2-2, which is at least a fine excuse to play one of Sarah's favourites, A Forest by The Cure. I go into voyeur mode as I follow her eyes and her hips, and briefly consider whether that sentence was wise to write down.

Bournemouth have so much to like. Evanilson is brilliant, and the three behind him are strong too. The new manager will do well this season. They take the lead through a really good goal from Scott. Barry misses a couple of sitters as usual, but fortunately for Everton, Tarkowski scores a great header in the final moments after some Laurel and Hardy defending from Bournemouth. The kind where you can practically hear the "doh."

Hull will not get relegated, in my opinion. There is too much love at the club, and they've spent a shedload, which is not always the same thing but occasionally overlaps. The Hull players have Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes by Paul Simon, and a performance to match. The Tigers win a massive six-pointer against Coventry, who need to find their feet. And quickly, before someone else finds them first.

Newcastle look serious. They demolish Spurs, who will get it right eventually but are still not gelling, like a self-assembly wardrobe missing one crucial sequin or is it screw. The Magpies press high and move the ball quickly. A great result, and a timely reminder that "in transition" can mean going somewhere as well as nowhere.

Brentford and Leeds cancel each other out in proper old-fashioned tension. The champagne still flows. Some fantastic football to go with the drinking and the dancing — and, as ever, Sarah dancing like the night has only just begun, and I'm quietly hoping it hasn't, because my knees have not signed up for an encore.

premier league 2026/2027

day 1

Sarah smiles like Jane Fonda in Barefoot In The Park. On comes Peg by Steely Dan. The room feels classy with a hint of debauchery. Season 5. The opening weekend. Football and music in full three-dimensional colour. She raises her glass suggestively and purrs. The champagne colours the night sky with stars. Life is winning.
Arsenal are clear favourites for the Premier League. They open with Frank Lampard's Coventry. Ødegaard fluffs his lines just like Blakey in On The Buses but still manages to score. They stroll past the Sky Blues. Saturday in the Park by Chicago slides in and the party really is getting started.
Hull, by contrast, start playing total football, the kind of display that has me waxing lyrical like Rigsby over Mrs Jones. McBurnie goes full Maradona. A freeform dribble that treats the Manchester United players like slow motion drivers. The Red Devils are being thoroughly dismantled and mauled by the Tigers. Sarah's face lights up with California Soul by Marlena Shaw. She smiles right across the full dreary political spectrum as only she can. Sunderland arrive still faintly glowing from last season's statistical miracle. They played so far above their station they were essentially Pusherman by Curtis Mayfield in football boots. Today an invigorated Ipswich side show their desire to remain in the top flight. The Black Cats lose. With European football added to the fixture list, it's going to be a long season for Sunderland. The Toffees open their home account with a fortunate win over Crystal Palace. The Eagles have a new manager and a European campaign to juggle. They'll be sore more often than they soar this season.

The Scousers, meanwhile, will be Nightclubbing by Iggy Pop until the small hours, and who can blame them?

Next up is Nottingham Forest versus Leeds. It is tight, proper old-fashioned tension and tackles. Glasner loses his first game. An opening that feels less like a statement and more like a quietly raised eyebrow from the fixture computer. Glasner needs to Roger Moore. The champagne still flows thankfully, because Brentford choose this particular weekend to go completely Earth Wind and Fire and take big-spending Spurs apart. Pure Summer Breeze by Seals and Crofts. Brentford are the team of the weekend. No discussion required. Superb football from them. Bubbles galore. Aston Villa look decimated. No one quite knows why, but they're pure Apricots by Bicep. Soft, overripe, sliding downhill. Brighton, by contrast, show their Passion by Gat Decor and make it look almost indecently easy. Manchester City are still Looking For Someone by Genesis to replace Pep, who remains, inconveniently, irreplaceable. Maresca has such a difficult act to follow. City scrape past a Bournemouth side who deserved better, the sort of late winner that feels more like a stay of execution than a statement. Newcastle are in flux. No Eddie Howe, team dismembered by transfers. But first a beautiful, slightly tipsy tribute to the majestic Kevin Keegan. Matthias Jaissle has a proper job on his hands. He is starting from scratch. However he comes within seconds of beating Liverpool, and the room fills with For What It's Worth by Buffalo Springfield. Cautionary notes all round for both Liverpool and Newcastle who end up with a score draw. The final act is a transformed Chelsea against an Ibiza-scented Fulham. Move by Adam Port, Stryv, Keinemusik, Orso and Malachiii is properly loud. Sarah is in top gear now. The dance moves are fully charged. Chelsea possess the best front five in the division. João Pedro, Palmer, Rogers, Caicedo and Fernandez. The attack is pure theatre. The goalkeeper and defence, however, are no Anthem by NJOI.
Alonso needs to sort the back five out sharpish or the season will turn into Hurt Angles by Peter Coyle Fractal. Right now the defence and goalkeeper look like Let 'Em In by Wings. Beautiful soft melodies to a fault. When at the back you need pure grit and resilience. Some fantastic football to go with the drinking and the dancing. Sarah starts swaying to How Long by Ace. There is nothing More Than This by Roxy Music. Football. Drama. Music. Champagne. And Sarah dancing like the night has only just begun.

mexico vs england

world cup 2026

Sarah is striking the pose big time. She is beyond excited. Vogue by Madonna is playing, bleeding into Mind Games by John Lennon.

All the ingredients of a classic. Altitude. Heat. Thunderstorms rolling over the Azteca. The passionate Mexican crowd. It makes no difference if you're a boy or a girl tonight. History is going to be made. We just don't know for whom yet. The champagne is tasty and top drawer. Laurent Perrier Grand Siècle Itération 26 Blanc.

Sarah pauses the music and whispers in my ear. “I hope Harry Kane does his famous dance moves before he goes to head a ball tonight”. I smile as Don't Stop the Dance by Bryan Ferry comes on. Sarah's hips are swaying, arms in the air. Bryan is right. Truth is all that matters, and tonight we will find it out. There is no hiding out there.

Tuchel has gone with Gordon and Saka on the wings, and interestingly Quansah at right back to handle the very real threat of Quiñones. It's a selection built on containing Mexico's pace out wide rather than matching Raúl Jiménez's physicality man for man. Jiménez is a serious footballer. So is Jude Bellingham, whose performances so far have been legendary. Tonight he will need to play the game of his life.

The storms delay kick-off. When it finally starts, Declan Rice is booked almost immediately. A needless one, and it means he has to manage the rest of the game without the tackle as an option. England aren't pressing high and aren't trying to play through the midfield.

Pickford is going long.

Mexico play with real intensity, driving forward quickly, while England sit composed, inviting them on. Guehi finds a lovely long ball but Saka can't control it. A real chance goes begging.

Then the warning shot. A fantastic cross from Alvarado, and Raúl heads it brilliantly toward the bottom left corner. Somehow Pickford gets a hand to it and turns it behind. A genuinely world-class save. If that had gone in, it would have been psychologically brutal for England. An entirely different game. Mexico keep coming.

And then, against the run of play, England strike. Pickford releases Rice, who drives forward unchallenged past an out-of-position Quiñones. Romo tries to recover but the ball's already with Saka, who curls a lovely ball into the box. Bellingham times his run to perfection, loses Alvarado, and scores with a diving header. A brilliant goal. And like a real leader he points straight to Saka for the assist.

Seconds later it's 2-0. Mora loses possession to Anderson on the halfway line. England break. Gordon feeds Bellingham. Bellingham lays it to Kane, and Kane squares it for the simplest of tap-ins. Bellingham's second, right before the break. Tuchel is in heaven on the touchline.

But Mexico keep fighting. Saka fouls Gallardo needlessly in a dangerous area. The resulting cross isn't dealt with, and Quiñones pounces to make it 2-1 right before half time.

Mexico push for an equaliser before the break. Jiménez fails to fully connect with one chance and drags it wide, then rises for a header. Aiming for the top corner. Pickford somehow claws away again. From the resulting corner, Bellingham makes a goal-saving intervention. Dispossessing Montes a yard from the line.

Half-time arrives with England grateful for the whistle. They were under the cosh. Sarah puts on It's Automatic by Zoot Woman, smiling, dancing, opening a bottle of Benoît Lahaye Brut Nature Blanc. England are about to walk into the most important 45 minutes of their tournament so far. Into Molecular by ESP Project plays as they come onto the pitch.

Can England hang on to 2-1?

It's cagey early in the second half, and then needlessly Quansah is sent off. A reckless, high, late lunge with no need for it, the kind of challenge that changes a night in a split second. England are down to ten men and in serious trouble. All self-inflicted. Kane defends heroically from the resulting free-kick.

Tuchel reacts immediately, bringing on Stones at centre-back and putting Konsa at right-back to shore things up. The tension in the Azteca is palpable.

Then the game swings again. A long ball from Pickford is nodded down by Kane. Gordon gets there just ahead of the goalkeeper, and he's brought down. Penalty. A poor error from Rangel. Kane strikes it hard. The goalkeeper guesses right but can't keep it out. 3-1.

Is there more drama and more suspense in this match?

There is. Nine minutes later Kane gives away a penalty of his own, and Raúl scores from the spot. 3-2. The Mexican wave goes ballistic. This is a match that refuses to go easy on your nerves.

Tuchel goes to five at the back. Spence and Burn on, Spence at left-back. England dig in properly now, ten men shutting up shop to protect the lead. Mexico come again and again, but Pickford is close to being unplayable. Punching, catching and commanding his box like a man possessed. Stones, Spence and Burn throw themselves into blocks and interceptions. It's a heroic defensive shift, and England survive eleven minutes of added time to hold on at 3-2.

What a performance. What a game. England go through to face Norway next. There is only one way to close tonight out. Hey Jude by The Beatles.

Sarah raises what's left of the Laurent Perrier. To Jude. To Pickford. To all of them. To the ten men who wouldn't lie down. A great night.

england vs dr congo

(forget the foreplay)

world cup 2026

Sarah is somewhere between relief and euphoria. Big New Prinz is shaking the walls and she is dancing like someone who has just been told her divorce has come through. England beat Panama two nil. It wasn't pretty but it is done. It is three points. It is enough for tonight at least. We top the table and are through to the knock out stages.

Normally we would play a few more tunes and call it an early night. But Sarah opened another bottle of Roederer Cristal Brut 2007 and that changed the geometry of the evening big time.

“That bottle was meant for the final” I said, with as much sanctimony as I could muster.

“I can't wait” said Sarah. She never can.

Do It Again by Steely Dan came on. She had a violent glint in her eye. The kind that means she wants an argument. It's time to play devil's advocate she said.

“Fine” I conceded. She likes it when I go full iconoclast. I get to be ruthless and uncompromising. She gets to be the voice of reason. We both know which one of us enjoys it more.

“Something has to change” I said. If we go into the DR Congo game relying on Bellingham to do something miraculous and everyone else doing their sensible, structured, risk-managed thing, we will lose. Probably on penalties. Probably in the most England way imaginable. DR Congo are athletic, aggressive, and they will hurt us on the break.

The Newcastle forward Wissa will cause havoc if we give him space to run into.

That is an extreme view said Sarah calmly after doing some star jumps. She sipped. Feed My Frankenstein came on.

“I don't care” I said.

Every pundit says the same thing because they have all been programmed the same way. They are talking as media professionals. Carefully managed opinions delivered from a safe distance. They have forgotten what it actually feels like to pull on a boot under pressure. The Southgate years broke something in this team's collective psychology. The only cure is to go in the opposite direction entirely. We are in a deep, tedious, risk-averse rut and someone needs to say it.

My argument is set pieces. That is how we win this game. Not possession, not patient build-up, not waiting for Bellingham to conjure something from nothing. We set the team up to deliver the ball into the box relentlessly and we use our aerial superiority as a weapon.

Sarah guffawed loudly. “So what you are saying is absolutely no foreplay. You are a monster George”.

The back four: Guehi, Dan Burns, O'Reilly at left back and Konsa at right. Burns earns his place because he is a genuine aerial threat at corners — a footballer who can hurt a team from a dead ball. Midfield: Anderson, Rice, and Bellingham in the ten role. Jude creative and free but with a clear instruction to play forward quickly. Rashford with a free role and one specific directive. Stop trying to beat people and start crossing the ball. Forget the step-overs. Find Kane. Find Toney.

Upfront: both of them. Toney and Kane. A proper double target. Every ball England wins goes into the penalty area. Every corner, every free kick, every long throw if it comes to that. Vertical, direct, relentless.

Sarah put her glass down with theatrical care. She was smiling.

“Hammer and Tongs. That is revolutionary” she said. “And weird. And some would say completely and utterly deranged”.

She paused.

“But it would certainly not be predictable. You are asking England to abandon the technical game entirely and just bully a defence into submission from the air. No possession play. No Bellingham magic. Just organised aerial chaos”.

“Yes” I said. “Exactly that”.

She raised her glass.

“Cheers” she said. Burning Down the House came on. She was still smiling.

DR Congo have been warned I thought. They just don't know it yet.

england vs croatia

world cup 2026

Baby Baby Baby comes out of the speakers, then that glorious riff. Cum On Feel The Noize by Slade. This is Sarah getting wild wild wild. The champagne is flowing. Ruinart Blanc des Blancs. And we are ready to go. Hopefully it will be rock and roll and not that tepid, suffocating civility we endured under Gareth Southgate. That man turned international football into a risk-averse management exercise. Tuchel, we are told, is different. Tonight we find out.

England are playing Croatia in the first group game of the World Cup. This is a tough match. Make no mistake about it. Croatia are extremely talented and a really powerful unit, even if they are getting on a bit now. Modrić and Perisic. Experience woven through the team. England will have to earn this.

First, the team selection. We like it. Madueke is dynamic and preferable over Saka. Direct and unpredictable. More of a problem for a defence that likes to sit in. Bellingham has a great deal to prove to the England fans. Tonight is the night to do that. The backline of O'Reilly, Konsa, Stones and James is more or less a brand new back four. I love John Stones. I just hope he stays injury free.

The start is cagey, and it is clear as day that England are not particularly comfortable playing out from the back. Every time they try, it is heart-in-your-mouth territory. Rushed, uncertain, inviting pressure. Croatia have a corner and they have a man completely unmarked at the back post. Fortunately for England, he skies it.

Not the best of beginnings. Croatia are on the front foot and pressing high. It is all a little ragged from the Three Lions, but good to see Gordon chasing down the defenders, making it difficult for them to recycle the ball cleanly. Anderson already looks composed and assured. Reading the press, arriving into spaces before Croatia can exploit them. A real upgrade in the midfield engine room. The Croatians, for their part, are giving England precious little room to breathe.

Then comes the rarest of gifts. England win a corner, and Modrić. Of all people. Makes an error. He simply doesn't see the electric Madueke's run and brings him down inside the area. Penalty. The pressure lands squarely on Harry Kane's shoulders. I don't envy him one bit.

He does a slight pause before striking. The goalkeeper reads it, dives the right way, and saves. The stadium deflates. But hold on. The goalkeeper came off his line before Kane took the kick. The referee consults, confirms it, and Kane steps up for the retake. Lucky boy.

Now the pause becomes something else entirely. You can see him composing himself, resetting, making a decision. He takes a deep breath. He looks at the same spot. This time there is no hesitation. No pause. Just clean conviction. He drives it into the same corner. The goalkeeper guesses wrong. Massive goal. Enormous relief for the captain and the team.

Croatia push forward almost immediately and very nearly score, only for the intervention of Bellingham to prevent it.

The game opens up.

Kane sets Madueke free on the right and he forces a corner. Madueke has started really well, full of energy and directness. He whips a ball across goal but Bellingham just can't reach it for what would have been a tap-in.

Small defensive errors are creeping into England's game, but they retrieve the ball and push forward again. Then Bellingham loses possession in midfield and Croatia surge. The ball is laid back to Baturina and he strikes a beauty from outside the box. Precise and unstoppable. The equaliser.

This game could go either way. Both teams are hunting the next goal. England win another corner and to my astonishment Harry Kane is completely unmarked. He is beyond the defensive marking zone and no one has tracked him. He heads the ball into the net. England are in the lead again. They just have to hold on until half time.

Croatia are pushing, pressing, refusing to accept it. And they get their reward in the dying moments of the first half. A brilliantly lofted ball into the box from Pasalic finds Perisic, who glances a header on to Musa, and the forward finishes with real quality. Honours even at the break.

Sarah puts on Watcher of the Skies by Genesis. This is a big game with a lot at stake. Another bottle is opened. Gosset Zéro. The mood shifts to Ballrooms of Mars by T. Rex. Sarah is dancing with her hands in the air. This is party time.

The second half kicks off and England up the tempo immediately. A lovely forward ball down the flank from Anderson. Intended for Madueke. It is intercepted by Bellingham, who doesn't hesitate with the ball. He storms forward into the box and dispatches it into the goal with the kind of conviction that has been missing from this team for years. Absolutely brilliant. What a strike. England are ahead and it is thanks to the genius of Bellingham. A perfect start to the second half.

The Three Lions have raised the intensity. O'Reilly somehow fails to score from a corner at the back post. Rice shoots and it is saved. O'Reilly goes agonisingly close again from another corner but Livakovic produces a double save of real quality. The pressure is relentless. The only reason England are not further ahead is the superb goalkeeping. Kane goes close again.

The substitutions come on and they make an immediate difference. Which tells you something in itself about the depth now available to this squad. Saka wins the ball on the right, cuts inside with that fluid inevitability of his, and sets up Rashford who curls a low shot beautifully into the bottom corner. It is a special finish. A hard-fought but genuinely special win.

England have a different vibe now. There is a dynamism and intensity in this team that has been absent for far too long, and that must come down to Tuchel. The pressing structure, the directness, the willingness to play and takes risks regardless of the outcome. This is a team being shaped in the manager's image. That was a performance. A rare thing in an England shirt. Kane was outstanding. So were Madueke, Anderson and Rice. It is early days. But there is hope, and tonight hope feels earned.

Sarah ends with Back to Nature by Doublespeak.

psg vs arsenal

Champions League final

Set Me Free lights the early evening up. Sarah with her arms in the air, singing along to the CamelPhat Remix by Aaron Hibell and Alex Wann. She holds the glass up like a trophy. The Dom Pérignon 2013 Brut Vintage catching the excitement. The room full of party vibes. The Champions League Final is about to start. The end of the season finale. The biggest night in club football.

Rock On by David Essex comes on. Whose night will rock on? Whose will be a Highway to Hell by AC/DC?

First things first. I was hoping that Arteta was not going to go full Gareth Southgate on us. That calculated, suffocating results-first mentality that treats structural integrity as an end in itself rather than a means to one. Southgate built tournament campaigns on the foundation of not losing. Arteta, it seems, has read the same manual. Eze and Madueke are on the bench. It is, in my view, a significant and telling mistake. I am also surprised to see Fabián Ruiz chosen above Zaïre-Emery, who has more energy and directness for me.

Within thirty seconds of kick-off, Declan Rice hoofs the ball long into the Budapest sky. There is nothing ambiguous about that. This is a siege mentality made visible in a single touch. A deep, unambiguous signal to PSG that Arsenal have come here not to play but to endure. It is so strange for me. As a player, Arteta was a joy to watch. Sheer elegance and skill. As a manager he chooses dour pragmatism, as though beauty were a liability he can no longer afford.

It is true Arsenal are resilient. But they are also, in my opinion, far too rigid.

Havertz is fortuitously through on goal and somehow manifests his inner Thierry Henry, finishing with a brilliance that seems to surprise even him. A cool, precise, extraordinary goal out of almost nothing. Arsenal are in front. What a start. And now, of course, the perfect opportunity to shut up shop and compress the space.

The tactics become immediately clear. Arsenal withdraw behind the ball in disciplined, compact banks. PSG are free to try and break them down, if they can find the way. Luis Enrique's side are high-pressing and possession-heavy, probing for the gaps in the man-marking system, looking for the moment the structure cracks.

I still don't understand the selection logic. Eze and Madueke on this pitch, in this atmosphere, against this PSG side, would create chaos — would drag defenders out of position, would put the pressure back where it belongs. Instead Arsenal are one-dimensional and toothless going forward, content to sit on what they have.

To be fair to The Gunners, they are extremely well organised. Fabián Ruiz loses possession in midfield but Arsenal recover quickly, probe forward briefly, and the threat dies. PSG keep pushing. Doué is brilliantly dispossessed by Saliba in the penalty area — a tackle of real quality, perfectly timed, absolutely necessary.

For the time being, Kvaratskhelia has been kept quiet. PSG are fluid and direct, bombing forward with purpose, but with every Arsenal man behind the ball they cannot find a way through. Their frustration begins to show. They start shooting from distance. The tell-tale sign of an attacking side running out of ideas against a well-drilled low block.

The Gunners have possession. Havertz is in the box and shoots, but Marquinhos reads the situation superbly, putting his body on the line and preventing what would have been a dangerous effort on goal. Havertz should have done better there.

In the dying moments of the half Arsenal win a corner, but true to form there is a dithering and a delay, and the German referee quite rightly blows for the interval before it can be taken. A small but pointed rebuke for the time-wasting that has punctuated Arsenal's game all evening.

Half time. Lady Marmalade by Labelle comes on. Out comes the Tarlant Zero Brut Nature Champagne. The next forty-five minutes are crucial.
PSG emerge sharper. The ball is moving quicker, the combinations are crisper, and there is a new urgency in their pressing. The referee books an Arsenal defender for time-wasting on a throw-in. A welcome intervention that keeps the tempo honest. The same broad patterns persist. PSG's fluid, dynamic football knocking at the door, Arsenal's structure refusing to answer. But the spaces are beginning to appear.

And then Kvaratskhelia makes his move.

He had been quiet. Contained, carefully managed, apparently neutralised. That was the illusion. A lovely one-two between Dembélé and Kvaratskhelia sees the Georgian draw a foul from a challenge that had penalty written all over it. The referee points to the spot. Dembélé steps up — coolness personified, unhurried, utterly certain of himself — and sends Raya the wrong way. PSG have equalised. Twenty-five minutes remain.

Now Kvaratskhelia is everywhere. He outfoxes Saliba. He makes him look almost stationary and runs through on goal, only for the ball to come back off the post with Raya beaten. It is the narrowest of escapes.

Barcola arrives in behind shortly after and Raya does brilliantly to win the ball one-on-one. It is becoming frantic. PSG want this. Vitinha goes close from the edge of the area. The game is slipping away from Arsenal now, the architecture of their defensive plan beginning to show cracks under the accumulated pressure.

But neither side can find the all important killer goal.

Extra time. Out comes the Louis Roederer Cristal 2016. The perfect zebra stripe when the night refuses to end on schedule.

Eze and Madueke are on now. Finally.

Madueke bursts past Mendes down the right. There is contact. Both players go to ground. Born Under Punches by Talking Heads. The referee waves play on. It is a huge call. I think, on reflection, the correct one, though I understand the argument and Declan Rice disagrees loudly enough to earn himself a yellow card.

The second period of extra time is tight, tense, almost unbearably compressed. Doué goes close. So does Gyokeres. The game has crystallised now into pure anxiety.

Penalties it is. They say football is ninety per cent in the mind. A penalty in a Champions League Final is ninety-seven. You need nerves of steel.

The Budapest night has narrowed to a single spot on the grass. Eleven yards. Five chances each. A season decided by seconds.

Eze steps up for Arsenal. He runs up, plants his foot, and the ball goes wide. You can see it in his body before it leaves his boot. Just a fraction of hesitation, a shadow of doubt. It is enough. Arsenal are behind.

Mendes walks up for PSG. Raya goes the right way. The save is clean, certain, emphatic. Honours even again. The shootout balanced on a knife edge with the whole season behind it.

Then Gabriel. He needs this. The stadium holds its breath. He runs up and sends it over the bar.

PSG are champions of Europe for the second successive season.

Act of God by Layton Giordani, Linney, and Sarah de Warren fills the room. It was meant to be.

What a night of football. What a season. Cheers.

bayern munich vs psg

Champions League Semi-Final, second Leg

Sarah is doing her Northern Soul moves, lost completely in You Don't Love Me by The Epitomes. This is a big night. The soundtrack shifts into What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted by Jimmy Ruffin and the room fills with something heavier, more loaded. Whoever loses tonight will feel it for a long time. Two brilliant teams. Only one can progress to the final in Budapest. On comes Aperture by Harry Styles while we clink our glasses. Champagne Chartogne-Taillet — Cuvée Sainte Anne. Can Bayern Munich overcome the deficit of a single goal in this second leg? The first twenty minutes of this game will be everything.

Can Bayern exploit the absence of Hakimi at right back? The answer arrives with brutal swiftness, and it is emphatically no. In the third minute, Laimer goes wandering up the pitch and gifts probably the best left winger in the world all the space in the world to surge forward. Kvaratskhelia plays a lovely one-two with Fabián Ruiz. The pull-back finds a completely unmarked Dembélé, who gratefully rifles it home. A clinical finish. PSG are two goals ahead in the tie. A monumental, inexcusable error from Laimer — the kind that defines evenings and eliminates teams. The best possible start for the Parisians. Kompany will be seething on the touchline. There are basics in football and Laimer forgot every single one of them in that moment.

Luis Díaz is tenacious and gets a ball across the box but Olise's tap-in is blocked brilliantly by Nuno Mendes. Olise is not on it tonight. He carries none of the sharpness or invention Bayern so desperately need from him. Díaz, by contrast, is clearly Bayern's best outlet — alive, aggressive, willing, pulling the crowd with him every time he receives the ball. Olise does find himself free on the right and comes close, his effort drifting just over the bar. Moments. Just something missing.

PSG win a free kick and Neves — that masterful, underrated architect — delivers with a great header from the back post that Neuer saves superbly for a corner. Bayern are pressing but without the same cutting edge and verve that made the first leg so electric. Musiala and Díaz are the exceptions. There are impassioned calls for a penalty from Bayern Munich but the referee is not moved, and the game peters out toward half time, both sides reduced to navigating a tense and increasingly nervous stalemate.

Out comes the French Bloom Le Rosé and I Am The Walrus by The Beatles. Quickly followed by Last Nacht by The Fall. Sarah is creating her own wild moves and loving every second of it. The champagne is not strong enough for us. But the music is.

Time for the second half. Bayern need to score as soon as possible to give themselves any realistic chance of turning this around. PSG's tactics have been spot on — and I must admit I have rarely seen them play in quite this disciplined way before. They are organised. Compact. The relentless tracking back, the layered blocks, the minimal gaps — it has worked a treat. Luis Enrique has set his team up not to dazzle tonight but to suffocate, and suffocate they have. Bayern need to come out all guns blazing.

Unfortunately, they look tired and out of sorts. The legs appear heavy. The ideas, heavier still. They simply cannot break PSG down and everything becomes rather laboured — earnest but blunt. PSG are comfortable. The low block resilience is holding firm, and on the break they look sharper and more incisive than anything Bayern are producing. This stalemate suits the Parisians entirely. It is beginning to feel inevitable.

The intensity rises in the closing stages, desperation lending Bayern a sharper edge. Davies is given space at the edge of the box and plays a composed pass to Kane, who turns and shoots and scores. It is a beautiful, instinctive finish — and it is too late. Two minutes left to play. Bayern push forward one last time, hearts in mouths, but there is not enough time and not enough magic left in the night. PSG are going to Budapest. Bayern Munich are gutted, the defeat etched into their faces at the final whistle. But the better team won this tie. PSG were disciplined, intelligent, resilient — and ultimately worthy. Bayern will have to reflect hard on how this slipped away.

PSG will now face Arsenal in the final in Budapest. Sarah keeps the groove alive by putting on Back In Black by AC/DC. Some nights only a riff like that will do.

psg vs bayern munich

Champions League Semi-Final, First Leg

Well, we've got no choice. This should be the Champions League Final. But no more dirty looks — PSG vs Bayern Munich is the semi-final. Alice Cooper's School's Out blares out loud. Sarah raises her glass of Bollinger toward me, beaming, and whatever concerns I might have carried into this evening are blown immediately to pieces. The champagne is going down very well indeed. She raises her arms and on comes Watcher of the Skies by Genesis. I suspect she is already drunk and the game hasn't even started. I know I am well on the way.

I am genuinely drooling at the thought of what awaits. Vitinha pulling the strings, Doué and Kvaratskhelia on either wing for PSG. And mirroring that beautifully on the other side: Musiala in the engine room, with Diaz and Olise flanking him for Bayern Munich. Proper, thrilling, unapologetic footballers. This has the makings of something special.

Straight away the tempo is set. Pace and attacking football on steroids. Luis Diaz is brought down in the box and Kane superbly dispatches the penalty. Advantage Bayern.

And yet — giving Kimmich all that space to lay the ball off to Olise is just asking for trouble. Suicidal play from PSG. Minutes later Bayern should have been two up, but Olise didn't connect properly with the shot and Safonov saved comfortably. Again Kane was in acres of space. PSG simply do not protect their back four. Extraordinary to witness.

Then comes the let-off for the Germans. Dembélé is through on goal with just the goalkeeper to beat and puts it wide. He really does need to work on his finishing. The Bayern back line, meanwhile, was all over the place. Defensive structures and patterns appear to have been abandoned by mutual agreement at the Stade de France tonight. Very Alice in Wonderland. Very bewildering. Very entertaining.

Kvaratskhelia to the rescue with a beautiful goal. Stanisic is made to look like a complete amateur as the number seven sprints past him, shimmies, and slots the ball past Neuer with utter composure. A brilliant equaliser. The stadium erupts.

The quality of the individual play is remarkable. Olise goes brilliantly past Mendes and then Marquinhos but unfortunately hits the post. Superb skill. Doué matches him at the other end with a wonderful run of his own, only for the ball to finish the wrong side of the post as well. Both moments deserving of goals. Neither getting one.

Then comes the defining moment of the half — and the goal of the match so far. Dembélé delivers a lovely near-post corner. Neves, the smallest man on the pitch, reads the flight of the ball with the instincts of a natural goalscorer, makes a brilliant run and glances a header into the net. A fantastic goal. Musiala is completely at fault — he was asleep, and Neves punished him without hesitation. The French lead. Really poor marking from the Bayern midfielder, but full credit to Neves for the intelligence and timing of the run.

Both teams are still going for the jugular. Full throttle. Olise is free as a bird just outside the area — pure open space — with Neves making only a half-hearted attempt to intervene. Olise scores an easy goal and Bayern are level. This is attacking football of the highest order, played at breathtaking intensity, but for some reason all defensive ingredients have been utterly rejected by both sides tonight.

And then — in the dying moments of the first half — PSG get a penalty. I strongly disagree with the decision, but the rules were changed so that even if the ball deflects off your body and onto your hand it is given. A deeply flawed ruling in my view, though I understand the logic that drove it. Dembélé takes the penalty and scores. Well taken. Composed. PSG go into the break in the lead.

Time to breathe.

Sarah immediately gets us in the groove of Dear Mr Fantasy by Traffic. We open the French Bloom Le Rosé. On comes Larks' Tongues in Aspic Part 2 by King Crimson. We are all set up for a great second half.

No change in approach from either manager at the break. No drop in intensity. Same scenarios, same schematic, same breathless energy. Diaz is sparkling, as usual.

Hakimi finds himself in oceans of space and delivers a lovely cross into the area. Kvaratskhelia drives the ball into the net. PSG have a two-goal cushion. What a player the Georgian is. He is absolutely dominating this game. Minutes later PSG surge forward again and Dembélé scores a fine goal in off the post. A three-goal cushion. Paris in springtime is electric tonight. It must be noted, however, that Upamecano was woefully out of position for Dembélé's goal. Bayern's defensive organisation at this point is non-existent.

Bayern are in real trouble. They could be staring at elimination even before the second leg has begun.

Kimmich wins a free kick in a promising area and floats the ball into the box. Upamecano rises completely unmarked and scores to reduce the deficit. Mendes not only gave the Bayern defender a free run but handed him the header on a plate. Shocking. Surreal. Zonal marking, as a concept, only functions if you actually mark the zone.

Almost immediately a lovely ball over the top from Kane and Diaz makes it look effortlessly simple. He shrugs off the lackadaisical defending from Marquinhos and finishes calmly. Game back on. Nine goals, and still buzzing. A phenomenal match by any measure.

Mayulu is desperately unlucky when a well-struck shot rattles the crossbar in the closing moments. But the drama, finally, is over. PSG are victorious, though only by a single goal. What should have been a procession became something far more fragile, and the second leg in Munich is going to be absolutely fascinating.

Sarah puts on Killer by Adamski and Seal. We raised our glasses and danced to the groove.

psg vs liverpool

first leg

It's a big night at the Parc des Princes. Sarah is playing Setting Off by PALASTIC. The dance is on. The moves are being made. She switches to Sinking Feeling by LEAP. We are ready to rock. The Louis Roederer Cristal 2016 is open and flowing, catching the light like liquid gold. PSG versus Liverpool. Champions League football at its most unforgiving. For Liverpool, this is essentially make or break. Can their season finally click into place? Can they find the identity that has eluded them in the big moments?

Straight away the alarm bells are ringing.

Mo Salah is on the bench. I struggle with Arne Slot. I don't mean to be unkind. But he just doesn't see the magic when it is right in front of his face. That is not a quality you can afford when the stakes are this high.

I'm looking at the way Liverpool are set up and it is as though they have had a complete personality transplant. This champagne must be exceptional because I'm half convinced I'm hallucinating. Has Sean Dyche taken over Liverpool for one night only? Because that is precisely what this looks like. Liverpool have come to Paris to park the bus. To go for the draw. To survive. Slot, in his infinite wisdom, has chosen to completely lobotomise his own side in order to deal with the attacking threat on the flanks from Kvaratskhelia and Doué. The prescription is a low block. The side effect is a team that no longer recognises itself in the mirror.

Thank god the champagne is good because Liverpool are leaving huge swathes of space in the centre of the park. It is an invitation PSG cannot refuse. Dembélé strolls forward after a beautifully weighted Neves-Vitinha pivot and he finds Doué, who has four Liverpool players circling him on the edge of the box like confused satellites. He shoots. Gets a fortunate deflection off Gravenberch. PSG lead. Ten minutes in and Liverpool are already on the ropes. That would be bad enough on its own. But without identity, without structure, without any discernible plan, it feels like the beginning of something deeply uncomfortable for the Reds.

Every Liverpool player is behind the ball trying to contain the PSG onslaught. But there is no cohesion, no understanding, no communication between the Red men. Nothing but an ultra-conservative setup that appears to have been designed specifically to suffocate their own best qualities. They can barely pass to one another. They are being overrun by Dembélé drifting, Hakimi overlapping and Kvaratskhelia cutting inside with that languid, devastating confidence of his. Vitinha is running the show from deep. What a player he is. Composed, incisive, always available. PSG are in total control and Mo Salah is sitting on the bench watching it all unfold.

Ekitike cannot keep hold of the ball and is having a torrid time up front. Kvaratskhelia almost scores with another deflected effort but Mamardashvili saves well. One interesting wrinkle is the use of the long throw from Gomez. That is actually a smart idea against PSG, whose set piece defending has always been their soft underbelly. But one good idea does not make a tactical plan.

Liverpool are a shambles with absolutely no shape. Neves hits a lovely long diagonal toward Mendes and the Reds are in complete disarray. All Doué has to do is compose himself and roll the ball into the net. He allows the goalkeeper to make the save. It should be two nil. The French side are running rings around Liverpool with a casual, almost contemptuous ease. Dembélé then fluffs what should have been the third goal. Liverpool are getting away with it on the scoreboard. They are not getting away with it on the pitch. Half time cannot come soon enough.

Sarah opens the French Bloom and puts on The Choice and The Meaning by Peter Coyle Fractal. It feels fitting. There are choices to be made here. Meaningful ones. Arne Slot has to rethink everything in that dressing room. Get Robertson on. Get Mo Salah on. Immediately. Urgently. Before this becomes a bloodbath.

Sarah puts on Hung Up by Madonna. Time goes by slowly is the understatement of the evening.
The second half gets underway and nothing changes. No Salah. No Robertson. Arne Slot has gone full postmodern. I can picture him holding a photocopy of himself close to his chest. The only thing he appears to believe in is himself and his system, even as both are being dismantled in real time on a Parisian pitch.

Dembélé is having a nightmare in front of goal. His finishing is about as effective as my own dance routines, which is saying something. He blasts one over the bar from the penalty spot under absolutely no pressure whatsoever. Another extraordinary let-off for Liverpool. He kisses the grass while the ball sails into the Parisian night sky. Zero composure from the French forward. But Liverpool cannot keep relying on Dembélé's generosity to stay in this game.

The low block Liverpool are employing is completely ineffective and a total washout. It is not protecting them. It is simply making them easier to play against. Unbelievable from Slot.

Then the quality tells. Kvaratskhelia receives a lovely through ball from Mendes and does what Kvaratskhelia does. He produces his magic. He skips around Mamardashvili with the unhurried elegance of a man who has done this a thousand times before and scores the second goal. The Parc des Princes erupts. Liverpool are sinking.

Zaire-Emery is brought down by Konaté and it looks like a penalty but VAR overrules it. Liverpool getting fortunate again. PSG are in total control and Liverpool have to react. Surely? It is nearly eighty minutes in before Slot finally makes his move. He brings on four substitutes. But not Mo Salah. The most gifted and dangerous attacker at the club remains on the bench as Liverpool chase the game. It is baffling beyond words.

Dembélé breaks forward after a dreadful mistake by Frimpong and strikes the post. PSG are completely dominating. Liverpool are toothless and they are desperately fortunate not to concede a penalty as Konaté shoves Mendes in the back. A stonewall penalty if ever there was one. VAR inexplicably disagrees. Liverpool escape again. But escaping is all they are doing tonight. There is no football here. No identity. No soul.

I need a drink. Sarah puts on What's Going On by Marvin Gaye. It is the only question worth asking tonight.

Liverpool will have absolutely everything to do in the second leg. All the good money is on PSG progressing to the next round and frankly, on this evidence, who could argue? This was not a tactical masterclass from Slot. This was a surrender dressed up as pragmatism. A team coached so far away from their natural instincts that they could not find them when Paris came calling.

Mo Salah watched most of it from the bench. That tells you everything you need to know.

ARSENAL VS MANCHESTER CITY

CARABAO CUP FINAL

That's Entertainment is blaring out loud. Sarah, champagne glass in the air, singing along. Cuvée Rosé Laurent Perrier catching the light as she raises it toward the ceiling. An iconic image in my book. Today is the Carabao Cup Final. The champagne is bubbling. Hopefully the game will too. We want football that scores the senses, not ninety minutes of risk management dressed up as tactics.

Manchester City are not pressing high like they used to in the old days under the old Guardiola template. They are sitting off The Gunners deliberately, inviting Arsenal to play out from the back nice and easy, which they do with minimal discomfort. Pep is clearly focused on the transitions, the turnovers, the moments where Arsenal's composure might fracture. A patient trap being set.

Arsenal start well enough. Not afraid to use the long ball, which is encouraging. Gyokeres is a willing runner, full of intent and movement, but to no avail in the early exchanges. Then another long diagonal from Rice finds Saka, who brings White into the play. A bad touch pushes the ball to Zubimendi, who reads the situation brilliantly and lays it off perfectly for Havertz. And Havertz shoots as if he is mildly inconvenienced by the opportunity. He has about as much presence in that moment as Kafka does as an insect in his own bed. Trafford saves. Saka has two further shots, both well saved. A fine triple save from the Manchester City goalkeeper. But really, this was Havertz at his most spectral. Madueke would have been more alive to the situation, sharper in his decision-making, hungrier in his execution. Arsenal would have been ahead in the opening minutes. Manchester City got off extraordinarily lightly there. Arsenal are clearly the better side in the early exchanges, which makes what follows all the more baffling.

The game begins to heat up as Nunes drives forward on the Wembley pitch and brings Semenyo into the picture. The cross is brilliant. Unfortunately Haaland cannot connect. Doku forces the corner. Arsenal respond with a long ball from Kepa. Gabriel heads it forward and Gyokeres is suddenly through on goal, real danger, but Aké reads it and gets there first, putting the ball out for a corner. A let-off for City. The game is there for Arsenal to take by the throat. They do not take it.

The first half peters out in an uninspiring fashion. Arsenal look second best all over the pitch for long stretches, which is a deeply strange thing to write about a side with their quality. Something is not right. Hopefully the second half brings more vitality and zest to the occasion.

Welcome to the Machine by Pink Floyd is on. The French Bloom Cuvée Vintage is open and flowing. We don't want to fill in time. We want a football match that scores the senses.

Arsenal start the second half on the attack and Havertz tries to lift the crowd as he wins a corner. Ritualistic rigmarole. The delivery to the back post is cleared by Aké. Nunes launches forward for Doku to chase and then, for some surreal reason, Kepa charges out and fouls the winger. He is extremely fortunate to stay on the pitch. A nervy start to the half for the goalkeeper, and it is immediately contagious.

Arsenal are as flat as a pancake. They are camped in their own half. Every man behind the ball, just inviting Manchester City onto them like a team that has completely forgotten who they are. It is wrecking my head trying to understand it. Arsenal have the better players individually. Yet they are handing free rein to Manchester City as though they have been specifically instructed to do so. It is No Good by Depeche Mode. Flatter than a flat cake on a flat page.

Have their legs gone? That is a significant question. Welcome to My Nightmare by Alice Cooper. Arsenal are the pure antithesis of Lose Yourself by Eminem. Everybody's choking. Manchester City are grateful for the space being gifted to them and are taking full advantage with growing confidence and authority.

The inevitable happens.

Cherki crosses and Kepa makes an appalling error. O'Reilly reacts quickest and heads in. The young player is in pure rhapsody. Lovely to see. He knows full well what it means. You only get one shot at moments like this, and he has taken his with both hands.

Pep Guardiola tastes first blood on the touchline. The nihilistic Arteta twirls like a robot beside the dugout. Predictable and passive. A manager who appears to have coached the life out of his own players. More lethargy from The Gunners and O'Reilly scores his second. He is an exciting young prospect and this is his day. The game has been handed over like a perfectly wrapped gift to Manchester City.

Arteta wakes up at last and brings on Madueke. But at this stage Arsenal need a doctor, not a substitute. The cup belongs to Manchester City for the ninth time.

Arsenal have serious questions to answer. That was not a performance. That was a petering out. A slow, passive, collective surrender from a team that appeared to have been coached so thoroughly out of their natural instincts that they could no longer find them when it mattered most. Players being micromanaged out of their minds? That is the question. It hangs in the air like the last note of a song nobody wanted to hear.

PSG vs Monaco

The Return Leg

Sarah is on fire tonight. Pump Up The Jam by Technotronic is rattling the walls and she is fully in the groove, moving with the kind of effortless abandon that makes you forget there is a football match about to start. She is wearing a black Visha jacket with black Cary suit trousers and a white t-shirt. Clean. Sharp. Ready to rock.

Tonight is the return leg. PSG versus Monaco. After everything that unfolded in the first match at the Principality, this one has the feel of unfinished business.

I take my first sip of Champagne Chartogne-Taillet Hors Série 2020. It goes down beautifully. Rich and precise. Just like Vitinha when he is in the mood. Which is exactly where my mind wanders before the whistle has even blown. I shouldn't fixate. I listen to the tune instead, drink the nectar and let the music do its work. Next up is Coolio with Gangsta's Paradise featuring L.V. The room feels right.

Vitinha makes his first move. Monaco take the throw in. There is no rolling over from the Monégasques tonight. You can feel it immediately. They are compact, aggressive and full of intent. I do like Akliouche. He is tricky and clever, the kind of player who makes defenders feel deeply uncomfortable. He conjures a glorious chance for Coulibaly with the ease of a seasoned playmaker. All the striker has to do is pass the ball into the net. Instead he fluffs his lines completely and shoots over the bar. An extraordinary miss. One of those moments that makes you wince and breathe at the same time. It would have rattled Luis Enrique's cage considerably and changed the entire complexion of the evening.

Disappointing for Monaco. A massive let off for PSG. The signs are good though for an enthralling contest. Monaco are pressing higher up the pitch and counter attacking at real pace. There is genuine tension running through the game like a current. PSG look a little leggy and are struggling to break down the Monaco defensive block with their usual fluency.

Then a moment of genuine quality. Barcola plays a lovely one-two with Neves and strikes the bar. Stunning. A real shame it did not find the back of the net, because the quality of the build-up play and the ferocity of the strike were in stark contrast to an otherwise laboured PSG performance.

Monaco grow in confidence. Zakaria makes a wonderful driving run forward from defence and delivers a cross that genuinely troubles Safonov. Henrique picks up the loose ball while Zaïre-Emery tries to pretend that he is in defensive mode. Monaco are in a dangerous position now. Henrique crosses the ball to Coulibaly, who lays it off intelligently to Akliouche. The ball is stroked into the net. Game on.

A brilliant time to score. Monaco lead at the break.

PSG are leaking defensively and there is no ambiguity about it now. This tie is very much alive.
Sarah stays in the vibe with M.C. Hammer's You Can't Touch This. She is enjoying herself. We open the French Bloom Extra Brut and let the bubbles do the thinking. PSG have to come out in the second half with a different mentality entirely.

They do. PSG begin to control the game with the kind of territorial authority you would expect from a side of their quality. Monaco, to their considerable credit, are coping well and soaking up the pressure with discipline and organisation. Neves comes agonisingly close at the back post with a free header but it is saved well by the Monaco goalkeeper.

Then it happens. Out of nowhere, Coulibaly commits one of the most bewildering fouls you will see. He brings down Hakimi in a position of absolutely zero danger to Monaco. Reckless. Inexplicable. His second yellow card and he is dismissed. For the second time across these two legs, Monaco are reduced to ten men. Coulibaly has let his team down in the most avoidable fashion imaginable. A genuinely game-changing moment. And not for the first time in this tie, the theme of a single lapse in concentration rewriting an entire evening.

And so it goes. From the resulting free kick, Doué weaves in and out with that distinctive directness of his and lays the ball off for the PSG captain Marquinhos, who finishes with authority. Poor defending from Faes, who seems to have learned nothing from the mistakes that plagued Monaco throughout the first leg. The PSG supporters are in full voice now. All the momentum has swung decisively back towards the Parisians.

They have a corner. PSG keep it short and clever. Akliouche is somewhere between daydreaming and sleepwalking and strolls across to Mendes, who transfers the ball smoothly to Kvaratskhelia. He keeps it moving with that instinctive intelligence of his. Hakimi drives forward and shoots from range. The goalkeeper fumbles badly and Kvaratskhelia, who has been quietly magnificent, reacts first to finish. PSG are ahead in the tie. The Parisians are in control now and hunting the killer third goal. Doué comes close but Safonov responds with a good save. Vitinha is running the show now.

Then, in the final moments, a shock. Teze follows up a cross and scores the equaliser for Monaco. The stadium holds its breath. There are still two minutes remaining. Can Monaco conjure the unthinkable and drag this tie into extra time?

There is a free kick for Monaco. The ball is floated in with menace. Faes is completely unmarked in the centre of the goal. The script is laid out directly in front of him. History, drama, redemption, all of it there for the taking. All he has to do is guide the ball calmly into the net. Instead, he attempts to flick it and completely mistimes his header. The ball drifts harmlessly wide. An almost poetic failure from a player who has been on the wrong side of these moments all evening.

MONACO VS PSG

Sarah is locked and loaded in her Armani Black Cocktail dress. The wild jazz in my heart is raw and insistent as I watch her dancing to Selva Selva by Parra for Cuva. She surrenders to the beat and the moment without a care in the world. The Cristal Roederer Rosé 2013 goes down like a treat as Calvin Harris featuring Florence Welch's Sweet Nothing drifts in next. Her smiling chaos merging perfectly with the music.

Tonight is Monaco against PSG. The Champions League play-offs. High stakes Mediterranean drama on the cards.

I don't know if the champagne is stronger than usual but it is so weird seeing Vitinha make a rugby move from the kick off. He kicks it towards Monaco's corner flag. Never seen that before in my life. That would annoy me if I was a Monaco player. It is breathtakingly arrogant. The kind of gesture that makes it personal. But that is old school talking.

Regardless, Monaco start well. Tight. Disciplined. Suffocating PSG's natural rhythm and denying them the space they crave. Then Mendes attempts a long diagonal ball out from the back. It is full on shocking. Catastrophic decision making. Seconds later Monaco score. Two players lined up to head the ball into the net with the ease of men queuing for coffee. Clueless defending. Clueless football from PSG.

Only one minute on the clock and they are already one down. Balogun will not get an easier goal to score in his career.

The disparity in skill levels between the two teams is immediately evident and yet somehow working against the more gifted side. PSG knock the ball around with casual authority, keeping possession and searching patiently for the equaliser. Monaco meanwhile are not pressing as much as they should be. They are sitting too deep. Inviting trouble through the front door and offering it a drink.

Then out of nowhere Balogun receives the ball and scores his second of the night. Monaco are in dreamland inside the first twenty minutes. The Principality is rocking.

Then inexplicably Faes has a brain malfunction. He was certainly prone to them during his time at Leicester City in the Premier League and old habits die hard. He cedes possession carelessly and then compounds the misery by conceding a penalty. He is a good defender but unfortunately his focus tends to waver at precisely the worst moments.

The goalkeeper saves Vitinha's penalty. Monaco got off lightly. They absolutely cannot afford to let PSG breathe. Then it gets worse for the Parisians. Dembélé pulls up injured and is replaced by Doué. The young Frenchman slots the ball into the far corner with the composure of a seasoned assassin. Monaco were warned. PSG are beginning to pull all the strings and it feels inevitable when Hakimi drives forward and gets the equaliser. All the good work Monaco had done dissolves in an instant like sugar in warm rain.

Sarah puts on Monaco's What Do You Want From Me as we open the French Bloom Le Rosé at half time. Monaco are still in it but only just. Hanging on by their beautifully manicured fingernails. Let's see what the second half brings.

Disaster. Such a shame for Golovin. You could see it in his face the moment he made the tackle. He knew immediately. Again that fatal drop in concentration that has haunted Monaco all evening. He has played well in difficult circumstances but he can have absolutely no complaints about the red card. A catastrophic moment from the midfielder. A genuine game changer. Ten men now and the fortress walls beginning to crack. Monaco scramble their formation to try and contain the superior possession play of PSG. Damage limitation mode. The dream flickering dangerously.

It is all one way traffic now. The fluid interplay from PSG is simply too much for ten tired legs to handle. It is that man Doué again. Another low composed drive inside the box. One assist and two goals for the young Frenchman. Just what the doctor ordered. PSG are in front for the first time in the match. The comeback is emphatically complete.

It is a valiant effort by Monaco. Brave, disciplined and occasionally brilliant. But PSG ultimately had too much quality and too much momentum for them to contain. The second leg now has the uncomfortable feel of a formality about it.

Over And Out by Nine Inch Nails. Sarah raises her glass. The Cristal catching the light beautifully.

benfica vs real madrid

We hit the champagne early tonight. Dom Pérignon Vintage 2013. There is nothing like a David and Goliath

fixture to heighten the senses. Mourinho is marmite to some. But we love marmite.

The eternal Special One has never beaten Real Madrid. The only thing that we can be certain of in this postmodern world is that the tactical genius never gives up.

Sarah is playing Funtime by Iggy Pop at nuclear levels. Freewheeling and dancing without a care in the world. Just the here and now. The controlled chaos of electric enthusiasm. She is riding the raw angular grooves. Fun just like the alcohol and hopefully the football.

The whistle blows and Madrid start the strut. Announce their dominance. Predictable stuff. They are fluid and probing. Benfica face down in the low block with their quick one twos. The togetherness. Pure Mourinho magic. Make no mistake about it this is a classic game. Both teams working hard to break each other down.

The Galácticos are assured and Kylian Mbappé scores with a simple headed goal. They lead and are looking to get their second when Benfica break. It’s a sloppy ball from Mbappé and to make things worse Asencio slips. Another One Bites The Dust by Queen. The ball is floated into the box perfectly by Pavlidis. Schjelderup heads downwards beating Courtois. The place erupts.

In the pouring rain Real Madrid know they have a fight on their hands. Benfica have two glorious chances to go ahead but it is not to be. The momentum is with the Portuguese however. They are pushing. It pays off. They get a penalty. Straight down the middle by Pavlidis when Courtois dives to the left. Just before half time. Benfica are in the lead.

The Shutout by The Walker Brothers is playing loud followed by Rebel Never Gets Old by David Bowie as we open The French Bloom La Cuvée Vintage 2022. The second half is on it’s way.

Can Benfica get through to the next stage of the Champions League? Can Real Madrid get the win to ensure they don’t have to be in the play offs for the next rounds. There is a lot at stake. And that is not including Mourinho’s ego.

Real Madrid dominate. The possession statistics are through the roof. Means nothing though. The wolves of Benfica absorb the pressure. With a brilliant counter attack, that man Schjelderup scores another beauty. Rifling it past the goalkeeper. Real Madrid are shellshocked.

Bellingham surges forward. Benfica slip up and leave Mbappé unmarked near the penalty spot. Beautiful the way he just places it in the corner of the net after great work from Guler. Sickness in the heart of the Estádio da Luz. They need another goal to qualify.

The intensity of the game continues. Benfica working hard trying to get through Real. Asencio lunges into a challenge in extra time and gets a second yellow. Three minutes for the Portuguese to score.

Rodrygo inexplicably mouths off to the referee and gets a red card. Real are down to nine men now. They have to defend a free kick and the goalkeeper Trubin comes up for one last ditch attempt at getting through to the next stage of The Champions League.

There are just over seven minutes beyond the ninety. This will be the last kick of the game. The miracle happens. Trubin scores a brilliant header. Benfica and Real are in the play offs. The old fox celebrates. Sarah puts on Weeping Ghost by John Carpenter. What a night. Some serious stoppage time magic.

sporting lisbona vs psg

Sarah is in primal mode. Seismic riffs. It is Stranded by Gojira. Her Max Mara trousers are swaying along to the dark energy. Her rebellious spirit is shaped by her grey merino wool ribbed turtleneck. Her upper body moves with raw primal energy to the jagged edges of the guitar. That is until I give her the glass of champagne. A Veuve Clicquot La Grande Dame 2012 to drown the abyss.

Tonight is the Champions League phase. Sporting Lisbon versus Paris Saint Germain. A tough one for Sporting. They will need to be at their very best to withstand the might of the Parisians. It will be interesting to see how they handle the attacking prowess of last year’s Champions League Champions.

The game starts. Straight away you see Sporting have almost every player behind the ball. It is high intensity football from PSG. They are in complete control. Slick possession. Vitinha running the show in midfield. Sporting are in defence mode. They are doing well. Absorbing the pressure. They try now and again on the counter. The classic low block.

The template of the game is set up to try and contain PSG as much as possible. The dominance of the French throughout the team is evident. PSG are rampant. They score with a header but VAR rules it out due to an earlier foul on the Sporting player Geny. The signs are ominous for Sporting though. They are working tremendously hard but it is pure one way traffic.

The second half is going to be tough for the Portuguese. Sarah plays Wings by The Fall. We open up a bottle of the French Bloom La Cuvée. Mark E Smith is singing the words : here is a list of incorrect things. PSG will be praying their wings are not flabby tonight. The second gets underway.

PSG are still in total control. Really sloppy from Dembélé. He scores a fine header but he ruins it by not paying attention and strays offside. So much talent. Way too much arrogance. And not too clever. His manager will be furious with him. Amateur hour to say the least.

PSG need to get this first goal. If only to reflect their complete control of the game. They are pushing. Surely it will come. Kvaratskhelia comes on as a substitute to try and break Sporting down. Not really sure why he didn’t start the game.

The script is written. Against the run of play PSG clear a corner. Geny volleys the ball back into the box. He gets a really fortuitous rebound and it falls to Suárez who slots it into the net. Unbelievably, after everything, Sporting are in the lead. Really poor defending from PSG. Fabian was way too slow coming out and basically played Suárez onside. Chevalier had no chance. I don’t mean the singer. I mean the PSG goalkeeper.

Within minutes Kvaratskhelia scores a stunning goal. Sheer beauty. He cuts inside just outside the box and curls on his right foot into the top corner of the net. A brilliant equaliser. Just over ten minutes to go for full time. Will PSG be able to get the winner? They push forward again. The plucky Sporting Lisbon have other ideas. Santos breaks down the left and lays the ball off to Trincão who tests the goalkeeper. Chevalier can only palm it onto the head of Suárez who keeps his cool and dinks into into the corner. Sporting are in the lead.

Chevalier needs to work on his goalkeeping skills. A terrible error. Brilliant from the Colombian forward and the perfect time to score in the dying seconds of full time. PSG cannot believe it. It is a shock.

Sarah cleverly starts playing Attention by Hernan Cattaneo,Mercurio, HVOB. She is right. The French boys were far too cocky and over confident. They have paid the price. All that possession and dominance and still unable to kill the game off. C’est la vie.

On the other hand Sporting were brilliant. Gritty, resilient and clinical when it mattered. A superb result for them. A wake up call for PSG.

Sarah finishes the night with All I Need by Nela, Ed Ed.

real madrid vs manchester city

Sarah’s in form tonight. There’s not a back four in the world that could defend against her in that party dress. She swirls around dancing to Snowball by Boris Brejcha. Another big game. High stakes. This is a big test for both teams. The world is watching.

We are splashing out tonight on the champagne. Louis Roederer Cristal 2016. Sarah smiles. Mouths cheers silently. Late Night comes on by Giorgio Gee, Ali Bakgor. I sincerely hope it is, I thought to myself.

The game kicks off. I don’t like seeing Valverde at right back. The boy is made for midfield. Such a great engine. Also it’s not ideal that Trent Alexander Arnold and Militão are injured. Also sad to see Rodri is still not playing. Never mind. The champagne is working wonders though.

Real Madrid start well and are hoping they have got an early penalty but unfortunately for them it is just outside the area. It is a good game and if Vinicius Jr was a little braver Real Madrid would be in the lead. His chip however is just off target as Donnarumma did well to come off his line. The Bernabeu is up and Real Madrid are going for it. The first goal will be crucial.

Madrid show their flair when Carreras nicks the ball off an out of sorts Bernardo Silva in midfield. Rodrygo receives the ball from Bellingham. He drives forward. The Brazilian cuts inside and drills a low rocket past Donnarumma into the far corner. It’s the breakthrough Real Madrid need. Now can they build on it?

All that good feeling disappears in a heartbeat as Real concede from a corner. Gvardiol wins the header and unbelievably Courtois parries the ball but spills it centrally. O’Reilly reacts quickest to it and scores from close range. It’s a set piece shambles. An important equaliser for The Sky Blues.

The Bernabeu is rocked. And it gets worse. In the 43rd minute Haaland is bundled over by the aging Rüdiger. Penalty to Manchester City. Erling steps up and sends the goalkeeper the wrong way. City lead. A great time to score. Real Madrid are in trouble.

Sarah puts on Eminence Front by The Who. We open a bottle of Zeronimo Sparkling. This is going to be a big forty five minutes for Xabi Alonso. How Soon Is Now? drips from the speakers. Real Madrid seem to have lost some of their vibe and alchemy. They seem tethered. To be coached rather than managed. Let’s see how the second half unfolds.

Early on Carreras intercepts the ball in his own box and rides two challenges to send the ball to Vinicius Jr. The ball comes to Bellingham on the other edge of the box. All he has to do is put in a good cross for Gonzalo Garcia who is unmarked in the box. A certain goal on a plate. He flunks it. A goal-scoring opportunity missed big time.

Nerves are jangling. The two sides are pushing. It is tight. Half chances at both ends. Real Madrid getting closer but just not clinical enough. Vinicius Jr. should score from a corner but he skies up over the bar. When he is completely unmarked.

Now Kendrick comes close with a really good header. Met by a brilliant save from the goalkeeper. Pep Guardiola is victorious but Real Madrid played well despite their poor finishing. They could have won the game had it been otherwise. Sarah puts on Strict Machine by Goldfrapp.

arsenal vs bayern munich

Big games need big tunes. Sarah puts on Du Hast by Rammstein. Tonight it is about putting down pointers. Seeing where you are on the curve to greatness. Who will come out on top between Arsenal and Bayern Munich?

Sarah with a glass of Krug Grande Cuvée 171ème edition in her hand. Mirroring mine. We are ready to rock at The Emirates. We are looking forward to seeing Kimmich play. He is getting old but still a great passer of the ball. Him and Declan Rice will be key to who wins this game tonight.

Bayern all in black start well with good possession and energy. They are buzzing. However Arsenal’s backline looks serious. The Gunners win a corner for Saka to take. Then it went all Flashdance on us. It was amazing to see. Sarah was transfixed. All the Bayern men were static. Lined up in position like garden gnomes.

All the Arsenal players besides Saliba were on the other side of the back post. In concert they all moved into position like synchronised swimmers and Timber headed the ball into the net. A simple goal but a really important one and quite an innovative offensive approach to corners. Impressive to see. A body blow to Bayern after twenty minutes of play.

How will The Germans react? The midfield of Zubimendi and Rice are working away nicely doing their best to break down the Bayern moves. Eze who is playing in the number ten role tonight takes a glorious touch to bring down the ball. He almost scores a second for his team. He has made a big difference to Arsenal’s attacking play. He is more unpredictable than Odegaard.

Bayern are still moving the ball around trying to break down The Gunners. A beautiful cross field ball from Kimmich to Gnabry does just that. With one touch he lays it off for Karl to finish. A delicious move and a beautiful goal. Bayern are level.

This is a good game. Both teams playing well and playing to their strengths. The only drawback is that Harry Kane cannot run. That makes the through ball difficult. He is a great player but sadly he is just not mobile enough. Especially at this level. The first half ends. The game is well poised.

We open the Noughty Na Sparkling Chardonnay and Sarah plays Break On Through To The Other Side by The Doors. Quickly followed by Drifting by Hagen Feetly and My Love by Gheist. In a heartbeat the second half is upon us.

Both teams continue to play good football. Trying to find a breakthrough. Karl looks like a good player for Bayern. Merino goes close from another Arsenal corner. The next goal will be crucial. Bayern are having plenty of possession but they look toothless.

Arsenal have that cutting edge. Especially with Nonu Madueke who replaced Trossard in the first half. Rice puts in a delightful free kick and Mosquera the Arsenal centre back comes close to scoring but is well saved by Neuer. Arsenal are pushing hard for that second goal.

The Gunners midfield engine is too powerful for Bayern. You can see Kimmich get frustrated as he has no willing runners to make his killer pass. It was coming. Arsenal take the lead. Madueke scores from a lovely Calafiori cross.

Just minutes later Martinelli dummy’s Neuer on the halfway line to score the simplest of open goals. A silky finish. What on earth the Bayern goalkeeper is doing there is beyond me. He looked like he was dancing on ice.

In the end Arsenal strolled to a statement win. They are well organised and clinical in front of goal. The defensive lapses by Bayern and their lack of pace upfront was their undoing. The Policy of Truth by Depeche Mode.

liverpool vs real madrid

Liverpool have been Dazed and Confused by Led Zeppelin for some weeks now. Sarah is doing her favourite freak out dance before the big game tonight against the might of Real Madrid. The world is on fire but thankfully so is Sarah. The Dom Pérignon Vintage 2012 is ready. In comes Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. Sarah in the poetry of full rock mode. Hopefully there will be lots of entertainment in the match.

First things first. Disappointed Rogdrygo is not in the starting line up. Not sure what is going on there. Similarly Bellingham playing as the number ten? Why? And to finish the tryptych the brilliant Valverde at right back? Strange. Full on Francis Bacon horror. The structure of the team seems to have been picked by Foucault on acid. Very weird. Pure Arnold Layne by Pink Floyd.

Liverpool come out with a good attitude and start well. Delighted to see Slot has gone for Ekitike up front with Wirtz on the left. I think this game will suit the German. Also good to see the solid midfield of Mac Allister Gravenberch and Szoboszlai. That is their best midfield trio.

Liverpool are up for this.

Interestingly as well they are going long now and again and it is paying off. Wirtz breaks through on the right wing and lays off a brilliant ball for Szoboszlai to finish. Unfortunately for him Courtois one of the best goalkeepers in the world made an outstanding save. He is amazing it has to be said. Liverpool have the bit between their teeth.

Real Madrid just haven’t got going yet. Their midfield engine is spluttering. The Spaniards look flat. Liverpool on the other hand seem to have had a Klopp implant.

They are pressing high and pushing forward. Lovely to see. A retro night. Everyone in the red shirt is playing well but Szoboszlai is phenomenal and draws another save from the excellent Courtois.

At the end of the first half Bellingham combines with Vinicius Junior and finally creates something. The Englishman has a shot but it is well saved by the Liverpool keeper. Real Madrid have been mediocre to say the least.

Liverpool don’t have the goal before half time but they have all the momentum. Sarah puts on Tin Soldier by Small Faces and we open the French Bloom Le Blanc. Then comes some Sweet Harmony by Liquid.

Liverpool can taste blood and come out with the same verve and intensity. Courtois is the real deal. It’s a brilliant save to deny Virgil Van Djik who had a free header from a corner.

What is surreal is that Vinicius Junior was marking him. Probably the smallest man on the pitch. What is worse he didn’t even try and go with him. He just let the Liverpool centre back step forward unchallenged and head the ball towards goal. It was like watching a Mel Brooks film about how to defend a corner. Absolutely hilarious. If it wasn’t so serious.

If I was Xabi Alonso I would be in deep therapy after seeing that and not sure I could ever come back from it. And the same thing happens for the second corner. It sounds like a Damien Hirst piece but it really isn’t. Two of the most surreal corners ever taken in football history. I am sure it would be worth millions. This time Ekitike’s free header was saved by the Real Madrid goalkeeper.

Liverpool are getting closer. They are Pulling Punches by David Sylvian. It really is a nothing game from Real Madrid. Eventually Mac Allister heads in via a lovely ball in from Szoboszlai. Again he was completely unmarked. Xabi really needs to work his players on how to defend corners and set pieces. Unless he wants to make a deep dive into black satire and comedy aka The Marx Brothers. Anyway it will cost them dearly otherwise.

Real Madrid are trying to lift themselves out of their lethargy but Mbappe fires wide. Liverpool should have scored a second in the final moments but for some superb defensive play and a great block by Courtois again.

A bad night for Xabi Alonso and a wonderful return to form for Liverpool. Sarah starts playing All Day and All of the Night by The Kinks.

nottingham forest vs porto

Sarah is draped in a loose white linen shirt over black jeans. Riders on the Storm by The Doors is playing. That brooding bass line rumbling like the storm clouds over Nottingham. This is a threshold moment.

She's got the champagne flowing—Krug Grande Cuvée 171st edition. Crisp and effervescent. You can sense the tension flowing in the City Ground air. Here comes Sean Dyche. The gravel-voiced pragmatist. He has vowed to be more attacking in his approach. This is his first game in charge of Forest. The ex Forest player hears the crowd roaring, the floodlights piercing the October chill—it's Europa League night, and Forest are hosting Porto. A daunting prospect who are unbeaten this season with their fire and flair.

It’s a big night and Forest start well. Hudson-Odoi and Ndoye causing problems on the flanks. There is an intensity to the Forest game. Then the City Ground erupts as Bednarek handles the ball going up for a header. Sloppy.

Gibbs White slots the ball home and scores the first goal under Sean Dyche. A big moment. Could this be the start of a renaissance at Forest and could they dream of European Glory once again?

The Portuguese are more technical and tactical but Forest as you would expect are no frills. They are working hard. Sean Dyche’s team is actually starting to click tonight. With their high press and energy. There are some really good players out there. Particularly Anderson in midfield. They are gritty and have their belief back.

Poor Ange Postecoglu must be asking what did he do to deserve this. A good first half for Nottingham Forest. All Around the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix is playing loud.

Sarah opened some Kolonne Null Cuvée Blanc to keep the groove going. This half of football will define Sean Dyche’s era at Nottingham Forest. Porto will not want to leave the City Ground defeated. The Portuguese get the goal they were pushing for via Bednarek from a set piece move. However VAR rules correctly that it is offside. Forest are riding their luck. The home fans are extremely tense. They are losing their confidence and don’t want another loss on the books.

You can sense the relief when they get lucky again with a clumsy challenge in the box and Jesus converts the penalty. Right down the middle. Forest lead by 2 goals to nil and they now have a bit of breathing space. Two avoidable errors from Porto for the goals but Sean Dyche won’t be worried about that. The win is all that counts. Porto have been poor and Forest are rejuvenated.

This is Forest’s first European win in 29 years. Sean Dyche’s impact is instant. It is also their first win since August 17th. Heaven by The Rolling Stones.

Barcelona vs PSG

Back in N.Y.C. by Genesis is roaring out of the speakers as Sarah is doing her Peter Gabriel impression in a red Alaïa dress. The bubbles are a Dom Pérignon Rosé. Hopefully tonight’s game will live up to the preamble. We both take another sip of champagne as The Lulu Time Machine by Peter Coyle Fractal featuring Robnik is next on the turntable.

The game kicks off. Will Barcelona get revenge for last season’s quarter final heartache when they were knocked out from the Champions League?

It is a great opportunity for The Catalans as PSG are injury ravaged and five first team stars are not playing.

Lamal looks serious and somehow gets past a bevvy of PSG players. He lays off the ball for Torres but the block by Zabarnyi is superb. The PSG defender does even better a few minutes later to clear the ball off the line. The ball from Lamal was sublime. Outside of the foot. Third time lucky however for Ferran Torres as he slots home the opener in the 19th minute.

A tidy finish from a well-orchestrated move after an uncharacteristic mistake from Vitinha. A solid and clinical finish. The Catalans are ahead. I know they are at home but I must say that defensive high line is asking for trouble.

And so it goes. Mendes receives the ball deep in his own half. After a clever give and go he surges forward and powers through a swathe of Barcelona players. He passes to the 19 year old Mayulu who deftly readies himself and scores a wonderful equaliser. A brilliant goal and an incredible run from Nuno Mendes. PSG cut through the midfield and defence of the home side like it wasn’t even there. PSG are starting to exploit the lack of cohesion in the Barcelona team.

Time for some Heaven by The Rolling Stones. We toast the drama of the first half and look forward to the second half with a St Regis Brut Sparkling Wine. Barcelona are pressing high up the pitch. But it is so easy for PSG to counter attack as The Catalans are so open with a ridiculously high defensive line. A seriously high risk strategy from the home team.

Both sides are going for it. Barcelona almost break the deadlock with Olmo but it is a brilliant block by the defensive centre back partnership from PSG. This is a really good match. You can hear the nerves jangling as the substitute Lee hits the post for PSG.

This game could go either way.

And just like that in the 90th minute Gonçalo Ramos buries the winner from a delicious low cross by Achraf Hakimi. A lethal late goal. The Parisians Stay Wild by Yulia Niko, Jordi Iven, Suerza and Get Physical Radio while The Spaniards are having to deal with their first loss of the season.

liverpool vs atletico madrid

Sarah is in her happy place. She is playing The Last Thing You Should Do by David Bowie. It is loud. She is smiling. The world is a good place again and music and football are back on. The champagne is poured. A lovely Veuve Cliquot Yellow Label Brut. Game on.

Liverpool are favourites to win the Premier League and probably the Champions League. They are a phenomenal side. If they had managed to secure Marc Guehi, I would suggest that they would be more or less unbeatable.

Liverpool’s forward line and midfield are top notch.

You can see Liverpool are up for this. They are on the front foot from the kick off. Salah takes a free kick just outside the area and gets a lucky deflection. What a start. An early goal and it’s all smiles at Anfield.

Just minutes later after a lovely one two with Gravenberch Mo Salah scores a great goal. Clinical. Liverpool are two nil up inside six minutes. They cut through Atletico Madrid with such ease. Salah is so incisive when he moves forward in that way. The defensive set up of the Spaniards is obviously not working. This looks as though it may be a tough night for Simeone and his players.

Liverpool are in cruise control. The momentum is with them and their dominance is total. Konate is almost playing as a midfielder. He is that high up the pitch. The crowd are in full song. I’m surprised they are not singing Crack Cocaine by Billy Morrison, Ozzy Ozbourne and Steve Stevens. Salah wants his hatrick. Frimpong almost gets a penalty for The Reds but VAR and the computer says NO.

Liverpool are purring. They are creating chance after chance as Isak shoots on goal. Then out of nowhere Atletico Madrid score in the dying moments of the second half. It just trickles through Konate’s sluggish legs. Terrible defending and a lifeline for Simeone and his team. An absolute nothing of a goal but could it be a crucial one?

The noughty sparkling Chardonnay is on the go and it will be interesting to see how the intense high press tactics from Liverpool will play out in the second half. Atletico push forward and then Liverpool Break Out by HotLap. They put together a gorgeous move involving Wirtz, Szoboszlai and Ekitike but unfortunately Salah hits the post. That would have been a glorious goal. Sheer football.

It is a really good game now. Very open. Both teams going for that killer goal. Then comes another deflection for Llorente. The Equaliser by Harry Gregson Williams. What a turnaround. What a game. Simeone is doing a full Russian Fouetté on the touchline. He is in ecstasy. Still about ten minutes left.

The game is on a knife edge. Liverpool are piling on the pressure. Atletico desperately trying to hang on for the draw. The Liverpool corners are coming thick and fast. Arne Slot is looking like Butch Coolidge from the dungeon scene in Pulp Fiction.

The pressure is relentless from Liverpool. Into injury time a deep corner from Szoboszlai’s pink boots is met by Van Dijk who saves the day and scores the winner for Liverpool. Huge sighs of relief around Anfield while Simeone gets a red card for allowing himself to be wound up by a Liverpool fan. He leaves the pitch singing Stop Dragging My Heart Around by Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty. Ekitike should have made it four but in the end it doesn’t matter. Liverpool win their first game of many in the Champions League this season.

psg vs inter
champions league final

Sarah put on Heart Of Gold by Neil Young. Her arms are outstretched and she is looking to the sky. I give her the glass of champagne. It is a Veuve Cliquot Yellow Label. We both raise our glasses in the air as Beautiful People by David Guetta and Sia is next on the record player. This is the last game of the season for us. We are looking forward to the summer months but you can be sure that we will be back for the new season. Tonight’s game is the Champions League Cup Final between PSG and Inter. This should be a brilliant game. We are both really looking forward to it.

The teams are out on the pitch.

Again Inter start really sluggishly. It seems to be a pattern. They don’t look right. They are second to every ball and their energy levels and motivation are way off kilter. Inter are giving PSG a free pass. The Parisians are playing the high press and they can sense that the Italians are here for the taking. PSG are being given so much space to Breathe by Kasablanca. Vitinha puts through a lovely ball to Doué who puts the ball across the six yard line and Hakimi scores a simple tap in.

Inter are sleepwalking to disaster here. This is just so easy for PSG. It is like Inter are playing in mud. I think the season has taken its toll on them and they just have nothing left in the tank. It certainly seems that way to us. Things go from bad to worse. As Doué scores with the help of a deflection from Dimarco. Twenty minutes in and Inter are losing by two goals to nil. The defence is all over the place.

This was totally unexpected. PSG are completely dominant. Thuram wins a header in the box but heads wide for Inter. Moments later PSG hit the bar. Inter are barely hanging on. They need half time. The PSG players are enjoying themselves out there.

No substitutions from Inzaghi. although I have no idea what you can do about the whole team looking fatigued and exhausted. We opened a bottle of French Bloom Le Blanc and got ready for the second half.

Will this be another forty five minutes of footballing superiority? The answer is yes. This is a footballing lesson in the making. Inter cannot get near the PSG playmakers. They are so disorganised. This is starting to look very bad for the Italians. This is a stroll in the park for Paris Saint Germain. Wave after wave of attacks on the Inter goal. The only question now is when will PSG kill the game off with another goal.

Dembelé does a neat back heel to allow Vitinha to surge forward and he puts in Doué who scores his second.

Vitinha is probably man of the match. He has been brilliant tonight. Surely the Champions League Trophy is going to Paris this evening. The technical superiority of PSG is mindblowing. Inter are being totally outclassed.

PSG are controlling the game and looking to get another. It comes courtesy of the brilliant Kavaratskhelia who is put through by Dembelé. Barcola is roaming free at will and somehow manages to miss when he only has the goalkeeper to beat. Then moments later Mayulu scores. Five goals to nil. Extraordinary. The Inter players are on the floor. This is a comprehensive victory for Paris Saint Germain. Their first Champions League success. I imagine there will be many more to come.

TOTTENHAM VS MANCHESTER UTD
europa league final

Sarah kicked off with All Along The Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix. This was definitely a big game for both teams. Both woeful in the league. A season to forget. Apparently this game is worth 100 million to Manchester United if they win that is. I open a bottle of Dom Pérignon Rosé vintage. Out comes Can You Feel It by Mr Fingers. The music is good. Let’s hope the football matches that.

Now I am not a football manager but I have to say I really don’t understand Amorim’s selection. He is obviously a really talented manager but Garnacho and Mainoo have to both start. It is not rocket science. But they obviously don’t fit into the prescribed system that the manager has. For a me it is a seriously flawed decision. He obviously believes in his system more than his players. As a player that would do my head in.

Conversely Ange Postecoglou has for me made the right decision by choosing Richarlison over Son. Son has lost his way in football and Richarlison is if nothing else a winner. Both managers know full well this game may well determine whether or not they get to keep their jobs. The game starts.

You can feel the tension amongst the players. The atmosphere in the stadium is good. The football is not. Harry Maguire makes a mess dealing with a long ball over the top. His pass to Shaw is poor and ill judged and Johnson is through on goal. He shoots. Onana saves and Sarr has a shot on goal which is blocked. The Red Devils were fortunate there.

Minutes later there is a corner and the ball eventually reaches Diallo who narrowly misses the goal. The match is end to end but there is no one taking control of the game. Manchester United are the better team but there is not much in it. The passing and the play is sloppy to say the least.

Sarr puts in a lovely cross towards the near post. Johnson pounces and the deflection works in Spur’s favour. Tottenham Hotspur are in the lead just before half time. It was poor defending from Shaw. The Red Devil’s tactics or systems are not working. Surely Amorim will bring on Mainoo and Garnacho for the second half. That is the only way that Manchester United can attack the Spurs goal.

No substitutions. Perplexed we opened a bottle of Zeronimo Sparkling Select. Manchester United keep pushing but with no real intent. It is all too mid tempo and no real desire to breakthrough the Spurs defence. I must admit I am quite surprised at the lack of urgency and intensity. This is a cup final. Spurs are being resilient at the back and making it difficult for The Red Devils.

Manchester United keep on putting the ball in the box. Vicario the goalkeeper flaps at it and Höjlund heads towards goal but the impressive Van De Ven superbly and acrobatically reacts to clear the ball off the line.

What a defender he is.

Almost seventy minutes on the clock and still no Garnacho or Mainoo. I just don’t get it. You can see the look of bewilderment and pain on the faces of the Manchester United fans. It is obvious that Spurs are just trying to hang on to the lead. So The Red Devils need to take the initiative. There is no real incision and pace. They are firing blanks.

At last Garnacho comes on and Zirkzee but no Mainoo. Straight away Garnacho runs at the defenders and shoots. That is what has been missing. Spurs bring on on Danso to shore things up at the back. Tottenham are hanging on.

It is all still very turgid to watch. Shaw brings out a good save from Vicario with a brilliant header in the ninetieth minute. Still no equaliser. Finally Mainoo is on. It is just too late. Manchester United lose the final. Spurs are ecstatic. They are the winners. Sarah starts Nightclubbing by Grace Jones. It’s party time.

inter vs barcellona
champions league semi-finals

Sarah was excited. She was dancing to I’m In Love With A German Film Star by The Passions while I open the Ruinart Champagne. I am excited too. Will this game Rip It Up by Orange Juice like the last time? Or will all the glamour and drama just fade away into a tepid game. The two of us seriously hope not. Kick off is here. Cheers.

I have no idea how someone with a hamstring injury can play. But Lautaro Martínez is somehow doing just that. Inter’s medicine cabinet must be mind-blowing.

The Italians look nervy. Barcelona are the ones making the moves. Pedri is purring and running the show. The Nou Camp boys are keeping possession much better than the San Siro boys. The atmosphere is electric.

What a player Dimarco is. He is completely out of position. He dispossesses Olmo in the centre of midfield and then lays off a brilliant through ball for Dumfries to run onto. Dumfries intelligently sets the goal up for Martínez who slots it into the net. Inter are in the lead. Against the run of play it has to be said. The San Siro erupts.

The game is still finely balanced when Mkhitaryan passes through the Barcelona defence and midfield. Martínez again miraculously runs onto it. He gets into the area and is brought down in the box by Cubarsí. Penalty just on the stroke of half time. Calhanoglu scores. A beautiful calm strike when he is under a lot of pressure. Sending the goalkeeper the wrong way. Barcelona are shellshocked.

Another bottle opened. This time a Kombucha Sparkling English Blush. A big forty five minutes coming up. It’s a high stakes game.

Barcelona are pushing and Inter are surprisingly sloppy in their play. Up steps Garcia with a brilliant goal. Superb technique. The Spaniards are back in the game. Minutes later Garcia should have scored again. But incredibly he gave Sommer the chance to save it.

Barcelona are probing. Literally seconds later a cross comes in and Olmo heads in another stunning goal. The equaliser. What a sensational recovery by Barcelona. We are coming into the last five minutes of normal time and Frattesi loses the ball in midfield. It goes to Raphina who shoots once and then twice and scores. Unbelievably Barcelona are in front with minutes to go to full time.

Is that game over for Inter? Inzaghi instructs Acerbi to go up front as a centre forward. Yamal almost scores a fourth as he hits the post. Then miraculously in injury time Acerbi scores a sensational goal hitting the roof of the net. There is going to be extra time. Incredible scenes.

The tension is unbearable. Thuram single handedly holds off with gladiatorial strength three or four players to pass to Frattesi. The Italian feints to shoot and then places it in the corner of the goal. Inter are in the lead again. Amazing drama. Pure Skyfall by Adele for Barcelona. The Italian crowd is in full voice. Lamal almost saves the day for the Nou Camp boys but to no avail. Inter hang on. History has been made. One of the greatest games ever.

barcellona vs inter milan
champions league semi-finals

No More Words by Carl Craig. It is time for football. The music is loud and pulsing through the champagne. Life is good. We sip the Paul Déthune Princesse des Thunes Cuvée Prestige Brut.

We are looking forward to tonight’s Champions League game between Barcelona and Inter Milan. Both teams like to attack. So cheers to that. Camp Nou is rocking and full to the brim. There is a lot at stake here.

Inter Milan kick off and from the get go Barcelona are pressing extremely high. So much so that their central defence is at the half way line. Talk about high risk. Dumfries has all the space in the world to put in a cross. It is half cleared and the Inter winger does the same thing again and Thuram does the loveliest of back heels into the net. What a brilliant goal. The technique and timing of Thuram was sublime. Thirty seconds into the game and Inter are in front.

Barcelona don’t change their game plan. They keep possession, keep attacking and pushing forward. Going close with Torres twice. However Inter respond with another brilliant goal. Barcelona just cannot defend corners. Acerbi the Inter centre back wins the header and Dumfries scores with a majestic bicycle kick. Twenty minutes in and the Nou Camp is in shock. Barcelona are in trouble as this now completely suits Inter Milan. They are going to sit deep and defend.

Fortunately for Barcelona they have Yamal. What a player. He has that Luis Suárez quality. He wins the ball outside the box and moves forward and scores a sensational goal with five yes five Inter players around him. What a genius. Minutes later he leaves DiMarco on the floor and almost scores again hitting the crossbar thanks to an outstanding save by the goalkeeper. Yamal is single handedly taking the game to the Italians.

The attacking play from Barcelona is relentless. This time Olmo has a chance saved. Inter are trying to soak up the pressure. It is to no avail. Pedri has a free header at the back post and lays it off for Torres to tap it into the net. The equaliser. What a first half of football.

Those first forty five minutes is what football is all about. You Are In My System by Robert Palmer.

We open the French Bloom Le Blanc ready for the second half. Inter Milan start brightly again finding room behind the backline and creating major problems for Barcelona down the flanks.

Another Inter corner. Another Dumfries goal. The marking is woeful and Olmo completely mistimes his jump leaving Dumfries free to score. The Nou Camp is in turmoil.

Now Barcelona have a corner. Yamal does a step over and Raphina shoots superbly from 30 yards out. An incredible goal. Unbelievable drama. This game has everything and there is still over twenty minutes to go.

The momentum is with the home team now. However they are still playing with that high backline. As Inter are so well organised it seems to be a very foohardy strategy. The Nou Camp breathes a huge sigh of relief as a goal from Inter is disallowed. An offside call but it was so close.

Inter could take the lead again here if Barcelona are not careful. The whole stadium lights up as Yamal the 17 year old wonder boy shows an unbelievable level of skill and composure. Circles by Guzy and Nairo. Minutes later he hits the crossbar again. Raphina tries to score another miraculous goal but the goalkeeper pushes it over the bar. What a game of football. A real treat. The two contrasting styles of the teams mean that the second leg is going to be fascinating to watch. Really looking forward to it. The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway by Genesis.

manchester utd vs lyon
Europa League Quarter Finals

Sarah is dancing to Void by HVOB. It’s on loud and on repeat. She picks up the glass of champagne and we sing out together to the beat. Cheers. The silk in the flute is a Henriot L’Inattendue 2018. This game determines whether or not Manchester United can salvage their season or if it peters out into mediocrity.

Straight off you can see The Red Devils pressing and playing the possession game. What is interesting though is that they are playing the long ball from time to time. Dalot hits it long for Fernandes who plays in Garnacho who makes a brilliant run and lays off the ball for Ugarte to put into the net. A lovely simple goal and a great start.

Lyon are struggling to get into the game. Tolisso makes a terrible mistake and almost allows Casemiro in to score. United are dominant at the moment.

The French team are beginning to grow into the game and go close with a header from Akouokou and a shot from Maitland Niles. Cherki makes a brilliant solo run almost from the halfway line. He glides past four players but runs out of energy once he is in the box and the shot is lame.

Again the long ball over the top from Manchester United and Fernandes hits a beautiful volley which strikes the crossbar. Reminiscent of the great Van Basten. That would have been goal of the season. There is no doubt about that. Fantastic skill. There is definitely a pattern here Dalot receives the long ball and scores a great goal into the corner. Manchester United are cruising. A good half for The Old Trafford faithful.

We open a bottle of French Bloom Le Rosé. Early on in the second half Garnacho runs brilliantly into the box from the half way line. He muscles past the centre back but sadly fails to finish convincingly. Lyon are hanging on here.

Lyon push forward and Toliso brings out a good save from Onana. On comes the Lyon substitutes. Fonseca realises he needs to change things before United kill the game off with a third goal.

Then out of nothing Lyon play head tennis in the opposition box and Tolisso scores. Game on. You can feel the nerves jangling around Old Trafford. The French are pushing for an equaliser. And it comes from Tagliafico. This game is on a tightrope. It is tight.

Colisso the goalscorer is very unlucky to be sent off two minutes before full time. That is a big call. Will United benefit from that red card? Extra time is on the horizon.

Lyon are a man down but Fofana makes a run down the left wing and gets to the edge of the box. The ball falls to Cherki who perfectly places the ball in the corner. United are shellshocked. Then Lyon go long and Casemiro’s bad touch results in Fofana running into the area and is brought down by Shaw. Stone cold penalty. Fofana has changed the whole fabric of the game in minutes. The Red Devils are in trouble.

It is a brilliant penalty from Lacazette. Lyon are ecstatic. They are leading by two goals after trailing 2 - 0. What a turnaround. The tension around the stadium is unbelievable.

Casemiro is brought down in the area and after deliberation and consultation Fernandes takes the penalty and scores. There are roughly six minutes for United to score an equaliser. The Red Devils are pushing but there are only two minutes left. Having said that Lyon are playing way too deep. They need to focus. They are inviting United to attack. They pay the price. Mainoo scores a superb goal. Great feet. What a game. What an equaliser. One minute before the end of extra time.

The Old Trafford faithful are jubilant and in full voice. It becomes beyond hysterical when Maguire scores United’s fifth goal in the added time on in extra time. Sensational scenes. Total relief and disbelief for both sets of players. Pure footballing entertainment. Do You Dig It Do You Love It Is It Groovy by Wendy James.

arsenal vs real madrid
Champions League quarter-finals

Sarah sipped some champagne. It was a Ruinart. She was wearing a dark blue t shirt with the words High Heal on it. This match is Big Time by Peter Gabriel for both teams. This is their last chance to win anything this season. Dreams Never End by New Order but this game will determine if there are any aspirations left for either Arsenal or Real Madrid to make a success.

Straight off you see the best and the worst of Real Madrid. Courtois the goalkeeper and Mbappé the centre forward. Kyllian the stroller is playing within himself. He doesn’t seem to have an intensity switch for some reason. All footballers need one. Courtois does have one and he uses it to save well from two inswinging corners from Saka.

The first ten minutes are revealing. Arsenal are already playing at a higher intensity than Real Madrid. They are up for this game. Martinelli on the left wing is causing problems for the Madrid defender Valverde. The old Highbury crowd at The Emirates are loud and creating a brilliant atmosphere.

The Real machine is not really clicking through the gears at the moment. There seems to be a touch of rust. Jude Bellingham sets up Mbappé superbly but it is a tame effort from the world superstar. Easily saved by Raya. At the other end Courtois shows his worth with a fine double save from Declan Rice and Martinelli. The first half flew by. Sarah puts Die Gondel by DJ Koze and Sophia Kennedy.

We opened up a bottle of the Cuvée Vintage 2022 French Bloom for the second half. You can tell Ancelotti has had a word with his players as the passing is faster and crisper. Mbappé shoots into the side netting after another brilliant lay off from Bellingham. And then My My Hey Hey Out of the Blue by Neil Young and Crazy Horse. Declan Rice scores a beauty from a free kick. Giving Courtois no chance. A brilliant technique. Such power and accuracy. Real Madrid are saved again by the brilliance of their goalkeeper. Somehow he manages to keep out Martinelli and Merino’s strikes on goal.

Real look toothless. There is no cutting edge. Arsenal are looking to kill the game off. Piling on the pressure. Another free kick for The Gunners and an even better delivery by Declan Rice. Literally the perfect goal. An unbelievable one. Madrid are in trouble here. Arsenal are in the groove and it is all down to two phenomenal dead ball situations. Declan Rice is in dreamland.

The fantasy doesn’t end there. Merino somehow gets in touch with his inner Dennis Bergkamp and scores a brilliant goal from the edge of the area. Although the marking from Rudiger left much to be desired.

Arsenal are three nil up. Real need to find their way back into this game otherwise they could be out of the Champions League before they even kick a ball at The Bernabeu. The Gunners are in ecstasy.

The Spanish team make an effort to break through but it is just too late and things get worse as Camavinga is sent off for a second yellow card. The Emirates is singing its heart out. The fans cannot believe what they are seeing. History is in the making. What an opportunity for Arsenal to make it into the semi finals. But it all depends on what happens at The Bernabeu. The Gunners will need to be fully loaded next week if they are to survive the onslaught that is coming their way. But for the moment they can savour the moment.

bournemouth vs manchester city - quarter final

Sarah is playing Sirius by The Alan Parsons Project. The song is short but her dress is long. A white Tunia from ba&sh. She means business tonight. On comes School’s Out by Alice Cooper. The champagne is flowing. A Deutz Rosé. Bournemouth are playing Manchester City in the quarter finals. This is a big game for both teams. The Sky Blues have been in freefall while The Cherries have been a revelation this season.

Out come the teams on a lovely sunny Sunday evening. Such a shame Kerkez and Huijsen are not playing. They are both key players for Bournemouth. You can see immediately Guardiola is up for this.

It is not surprising the way the Cherries are pressing high up the pitch but they are giving Manchester City way too much room to play in midfield and upfront. Tyler Adams who has been really impressive this season is unfortunate as he handles the ball in the area. Penalty to City.

Haaland’s penalty is a shocker. He might as well have had his Postman Pat uniform on. Talk about telegraphing where he is going to put the ball. Kepa the keeper does really well. Sarah started laughing as she saw Noel Gallagher in the crowd next to Mike Pickering. Both forlorn at the missed penalty.

The City forward runs on to the ball at speed and tries to chip the goalkeeper but Haaland slightly overhits it. It is a difficult chance. Guardiola’s hands go to his face. It’s not working out so far for the big number nine.

Semenyo strolls past Nunes and a backpedaling Foden but hits his shot high and wide. Minutes later Brooks is allowed to put a ball into the box and Kluivert superbly gets to it which enables Evanilson to put the ball over the line for a goal.

Nunes is having a nightmare of a game. He is just not focussed. It was his cross field ball that lost possession and his poor defending that let Kluivert reach the ball. This could be Bournemouth’s day. The pressure is on for City.

The Vitality Stadium is buzzing. The fans are up for the fight. I Exist by Vukovi. Semenyo puts in a dangerous ball across goal but sadly no one gets on the end of it. Similarly when Brooks floats a ball in. There is no one there to finish it. Bournemouth may rue these chances. They need to kill the game off while they can.

Out comes the Wild Idol sparkling wine for the second half. Manchester City have brought on a Manchester boy Nico O’Reilly to play as left back. Can’t believe he is number 75. What is wrong with the number 2?

Straight away you can see that he is given so much space. I am not sure what Iraola’s tactics are here. Lewis Cook is the right back and he is miles away from the fast number 75. His positional sense is so bad it’s unreal. O’Reilly powers forward with pace and puts in the perfect ball for Haaland to tap in. You cannot defend like that at this level. You are asking for trouble. Game on.

Manchester City are up for this now and looking for the winner. Bournemouth are now in reactive mode. They are trying to contain The Sky Blues. Seeing the gaping hole that has been created at right back for The Cherries they have summoned Semenyo to play there. For some unknown reason Semenyo goes to ground to intercept the ball from Gundogan but he only succeeds in laying it off for the impressive number 75. O’Reilly passes to Marmoush who slots the ball home. City lead. Kepa should have done much better. Bournemouth have a mountain to climb now. They are Running Up The Hill by Placebo.

The Sky Blues have the momentum. They are trying to kill the game and get the third goal. Gundogan hits the post. They are pushing. It doesn’t matter.

City are through. Bournemouth are out. So disappointing for The Cherries. They missed a big opportunity here. Massive relief for Guardiola. There may still be silverware on the horizon for them. Sarah puts on Get Raw by Sian, Sacha Robotti and Joplyn.

liverpool vs newcastle utd - the carabao cup final

Sarah is dancing to Here Comes The Drones by Peter Coyle Fractal. She is wearing a loose black suit with a black t shirt with the word symmetry in white letters on it. This is a big day. A big game especially for Newcastle United. A chance for silverware or another Dark Maze by EACHSOUL. We open the champagne. A Ruinart Blanc de Blancs. Happy days.

The game kicks off. The atmosphere is electric. The pressure is on. There is a long diagonal cross field ball and Konaté’s header lacks conviction to say the least and the Newcastle midfield pounce on it and push forward. Tonali puts it wide. The Toon Army have started well.

Harvey Barnes is causing problems down that left side and puts in a cross. Both Isak and Trippier were blocked. Liverpool are dealing with the pressure. The resulting corner kick is floated to the edge of the penalty box where Dan Burn heads towards goal. All it needed from Bruno Guimares was a half decent flick and that would have been a goal. However Kellaher gathers. Another set piece and this time from at least 12 yards out Dan Burn heads in a brilliant goal. Why on earth MacAllister is marking him is beyond me. That goal just shows how flawed the whole zonal system is. Newcastle are in front. Cue huge black and white celebration. The Reds are rattled. Diego Jota has a good chance to score but he miscues his shot. It is half time.

No Other Place by chokecherry blasts through the speakers followed by Six Blade Knife by Dire Straits.

Isak puts the ball in the back of the net early on in the half from another corner but it is ruled out for offside. Liverpool are just not dealing with the aerial threat of Newcastle. Again Livramento puts in a hanging cross and Murphy is able to run and out jump Robinson to head it down for Isak who hits it on the half volley and scores. Bad defensive play from Robinson but also Van Djik. The Toon Army are in dreamland. But still a long way to go. Liverpool finally start getting into the game. Jones who has just come on as a substitute shoots but unfortunately it is straight down the throat of Pope. A little more composure and either side of the goalkeeper and that is a goal.

Liverpool are looking for a way back in to the game but there is a wall of black and white facing them. The pace of the game is frantic with chances at either end. Liverpool finally get their breakthrough with a good goal from the substitute Chiesa but it is too little too late and the final whistle blows. Newcastle United have won the Carabao Cup. The black and white scarves of The Toon Army are held high. Sarah puts on Bring On The Night by The Police.

liverpool vs psg-the second leg

Sarah is dancing to Bonnie And Clyde by Brigitte Bardot and Serge Gainsbourg. She is dressed in a black and white sleeveless shirt with a lace insert and pointed collar and some navy blue crepe straight trousers. The Champagne is Dom Pérignon x Lady Gaga Vintage 2010.

It’s playtime. Really looking forward to tonight’s game. Last week was weird the way Liverpool were totally outplayed. Can’t wait to see how PSG approach this game at Anfield.

The atmosphere is electric. This is going to be a treat. Straight away Liverpool push forward. Mac Allister runs into the area and puts a lovely ball into Salah who just slightly hesitates which enables Mendes to block the ball going into the net. It almost looks like Salah is playing within himself.

I wonder if the Egyptian has a niggling injury. The way he is holding himself. He doesn’t look right. Anyway that should have been the early goal that Liverpool needed to cruise through to the quarter final. Salah normally anticipates things much better than he did there.

Salah does still have the touch though. Killah by Lady Gaga featuring Gesaffelstein. He brilliantly receives the ball on the touchline leaving Mendes for dead and drives forward with the ball. He is in the penalty box and shoots but he is off balance. Mainly due to the impressive Vitinha who tracks back and does enough to pressurise the Egyptian. PSG are holding on.

One stark advantage for Liverpool is from corners. PSG are not that physical and not that tall. Seeing Konate being marked by the diminutive Vitinha is not a good look. Van Djik heads down towards goal from a free header. Ruiz should have done much better there.

PSG manage to scramble it away. The achilles heal is right there. Donnaruma has to come for the ball on crosses otherwise PSG will be crucified. His six foot five frame will have to play a big part in this game if the Parisians are to survive. It is still early days.

Dembele receives the ball in his own half. Gravenberch is half heartedly running back. His legs seem shot. The french attacker lays it out wide for Barcola who plays a delightful return ball. Konate and Alisson are at cross purposes and they don’t clear the ball. Dembele scores. Against the run of play PSG are ahead. The tie is even stevens. What a turnaround.

Konate immediately tries to make amends as he shoots on goal. Saved by Donnaruma. It is end to end. Trent Alexander Arnold loses it in midfield and Barcola is one on one with Alisson but it is well blocked. Another corner this time Jota heads over.

The tempo and the pace of this game is relentless. Both sides going for it. Such a hard game to call. Liverpool are going to need to step it up for the second half. And PSG will definitely need to Keep The Rhythm By Peter Coyle Fractal and Rob Hughes.

The second half kicks off and we have opened a bottle of So Jennie Paris. It could go either way. Liverpool have definitely upped the tempo and the intensity. They are much more aggressive. Pinning back the PSG players. They almost get the breakthrough but the goal by Dominik Szoboszlai is ruled out by VAR.

Liverpool are definitely pressing higher now and Diaz and Trent Alexander Arnold are getting into the game more. Still Donnaruma is staying on his line for the corners. He makes a good save from Diaz. You can feel the tension ratcheting up.

At last the PSG goalkeeper comes out for a corner. He half clears the ball but fortunately for him Kvaratskhelia is there to protect the goal at the far post. The corners keep on coming. Robertson puts a cross in from a free kick and Quansah with a diving header hits the inside of the post. So unlucky. PSG somehow are managing to hold on. It is extra time. Some very tired legs out there.

PSG start well and Beraldo glances a header wide from a corner. Donnaruma has definitely got the memo at last. He comes out again and intercepts a cross brilliantly. He is playing really well tonight. Alarmingly for Liverpool PSG have more energy about them. Predictably it is penalties.

Vitinha who was absolutely superb in this game takes the first penalty. He is very lucky. He scores but only just. It is the turn of Nunez. His vibe is all wrong. He momentarily hesitates and Donnaruma saves. Liverpool are in trouble. It gets worse. Curtis Jones telegraphs his penalty and the goalkeeper gets down and saves another penalty. If Doue scores. Liverpool are out of The Champions League. The impressive youngster does just that. What a result. The first time a french team has won at Anfield. A night of pure history.

psg vs liverpool

Sarah was dressed in a Dolce&Gabbana black satin bustier midi dress. She was playing Intruder by Peter Gabriel while I was popping the Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label Brut. This was a big night as she moved to Heart Of Glass by Blondie. It was PSG versus Liverpool in the Champions League. The tie was as mouthwatering as the dress.

We are looking forward to this game. Really interesting to see how it pans out. Definitely have the feeling that whoever wins this tie is a shoe in for the final. PSG are up for it. Dembélé does brilliant on the touch line and crosses the ball into the area.

Neves rushes the shot and fails to connect properly. Poor finishing. All he had to do was guide it into the net but he hit the ball into the ground and it bounced over the bar. A terrible miss after scintillating play from Dembélé. Liverpool are definitely under the cosh but they are prevailing. Kvaratskhelia scores a brilliant goal but it is ruled out due to being fractionally offside. A shame. A wonderful goal.

It is a weird game. Liverpool just can’t hold the ball. They are chasing shadows. Fortunately for them PSG are not showing much composure in the final third of the pitch. There is a long ball over the top and Barcola gets ahead of Konate and is through on goal. Konate pushes him in the back. The clearest red card and penalty you will ever see. Shocking decision from the Italian referee and VAR backs him. Barcola was not Falling by Peter Coyle Fractal he was comprehensively pushed. No idea how they have come to that conclusion.

Liverpool are punch drunk. They just can’t get into the game. A poor performance from them to say the least. Alison keeps them in the game with a magnificent block from Dembélé and then Barcola fluffs his lines by rushing his shot and putting it over the bar. To repeat composure is the key here.

Liverpool are floundering. They are definitely off the pace. Kvaratskhelia weaves into the penalty area and again forces Alison into a brilliant save. I am not used to seeing a game like this where Liverpool are second best all over the pitch. PSG are battering them. However it has to be said even though The Parisians are getting the chances they are not putting them away. Cliché alert. Goals win games. Surely the second half won’t be more of the same.

Sarah puts on Joe The Lion for half time. Time to go to the bar. This time it is French Bloom Le Blanc. She is dancing in the zone. Then moving into Cold Heart by Elton John, Dua Lipa and PNAU. The second half begins. The next forty five minutes will determine the Future by Max Von Sternberg of this tie and most probably of the winners of the Champions League.

Again PSG in control but not really doing anything with it. If they don’t kill off the game it could be costly for them. Too many of the shots are from outside the area. Liverpool are hanging in there. They are just sitting back and letting PSG come onto them. It is all too easy to defend.

Doué hits the ball sweetly and again Alisson makes a good save. Still no real clear cut chances. Liverpool go long. Nunez wins the header and lays the ball off perfectly for Harvey Elliot who slots it beautifully into the corner of the goal. A pure smash and grab performance by Liverpool. They played poorly but got the job done. PSG were dominant and played some lovely football but they need an out and out goalscorer. They are tame in front of goal.

Liverpool go back to Anfield for the second tie. I imagine it will be a totally different game. The only hope for PSG is that they play the same way. If so they have a chance. but they will need a lot of luck and maybe some better refereeing.

newcastle vs nottingham forest

I have no idea if God is a DJ but Sarah most definitely is. She is playing Peaches by The Stranglers. It is loud. We have already had a glass each. It is the Henriot Brut Soverain NV. It is very nice as is NightClubbing by Iggy Pop.

The match is starting soon. Two teams looking to break into the cartel of the top four. It is refreshing to see that there are clubs trying to shake up the status quo a little. It would be a moment of Once In A Lifetime by Talking Heads.

Nottingham Forest were in their sky blue away strip. Newcastle in their distinctive stripes. Disappointed to not see Yates team up with Anderson in the Forest midfield. However excited to see Lewis Miley perform for The Magpies.

The black and white stripes push forward from the kick off. They are progressive in the way they play. It is just defensively they lack. No wonder they pushed so hard to buy the Crystal Palace defender Marc Guehi in the summer. Dan Burn is definitely a weak link for them.

Jacob Murphy loses the ball from a throw in and Hudson - Odoi just casually pushes forward and scores from 25 yards out. The positioning of Nick Pope the goalkeeper was really poor. Such a bad goal to concede in the first few minutes of a game. It will be interesting to see how The Magpies respond.

Newcastle didn’t seem phased though. To their credit they were looking for the equaliser. Miley comes close with a volley but is deflected off a defender for a corner. Bruno is such a key player for the Toon Army. There is a lovely interplay between the forwards and the midfield for the Magpies. It all goes through him.

The equaliser is getting closer. Livramento’s cross just misses an incoming Gordon sliding in on goal. Newcastle have a free kick in the Forest half. They are defending but for some unknown reason they allow Bruno a free header at the back post. He heads down and the ball bounces around until it eventually comes to Lewis Miley who shoots nicely into the corner on his left foot through a load of bodies in the box. It is his first premier league start and he caps it off with a goal. He has a bright future ahead of him.

The relief around St James’ Park is huge. It turns to instant joy as Isak back heels a lovely lay off for Hall to roam forward into the box. He shoots and it dinks slowly over Mat Sels the goalkeeper but Jacob Murphy is there first to pounce on the ball and nudge it into the goal. Newcastle take the lead. The Magpies are buzzing. Minutes later they get a penalty.

Isak scores but he is lucky. He chips it down the middle and the goalkeeper stumbles and almost gets a hand to it but fortunately for the penalty taker. It’s a goal. The Toon Army are flying in spite of the not convincing penalty. Seconds later The Magpies are in a dream state. Isak scores his second goal. Forest are all over the place defensively.

Newcastle are now winning by four goals to one. And there is only thirty four minutes on the clock. We’ve finished our champagne early with all the excitement. Looking forward to the second half. Sarah put on For An Angel by Paul Van Dyk followed by Music Sounds Better With You by Stardust, Benjamin Diamond,Alan Braxe and Thomas Bangalter.

We opened the French Bloom Rosé and got ready for another rollercoaster of a half. Sadly it wasn’t to be. The Magpies took their foot off the throttle and after some sloppy defending Nottingham Forest score via Milenković who flicks the ball into the net. Forest are in the ascendancy and trying to get that third goal.

Newcastle have been poor this half. In the final minute of normal time Nottingham Forest get their goal. Yates scores. Surely they cannot equalise can they? You can feel the nerves all around St. James’ Park. It is 4 – 3 to Newcastle but will it remain that way? There are just minutes left. The Magpies hang on. Just.

The top four is wide open.

southampton vs bournemouth

Sarah was dancing to Good Times by Chic. She was wearing a jumper with an Argyle pattern. Smiling as ever with a glass of Krug Vintage 2011 in her hand. Southampton are in dire straits. Not the band but the situation. This match is going to be two teams going through Good Times Bad Times by Led Zeppelin.

Straight away you can see why there is a difference between the two teams. Really disappointed Tyler Dibling is not starting the game. The boy can play and was looking forward to seeing him. The Saint’s players are so laissez faire and lackadaisical. No wonder they are bottom of the table. They are letting Christie and David Brooks control the midfield. There is no pressing whatsoever. Talk about not getting the memo. It is a local derby after all.

The Cherries are pressing and just waiting to pop. It is so Easy by The Commodores for The Cherries. Semenyo lays it off for Christie to put in a pearl of a cross and Ouattara heads it into the bottom corner giving Ramsdale no chance. Bournemouth are strolling to victory here. Such a lovely cross. And Bednarek did not challenge the Cherries forward at all. Just Waiting In Vain by Bob Marley & The Wailers for the defender to start doing his job.

It gets worse for Bednarek. He botches his clearance and it goes straight to Adams who lays it off for Christie who slots it into the net from outside the area. A great goal. Lame Lame Lame from The Saints. Their backline is porous to say the least. Christie is a player.

Kluivert pushes forward but is superbly tackled and the ball breaks free to Fernandes who brilliantly shrugs off two or three midfielders and lays the ball off to Walker – Peters. Sulemana cannot finish the move off. It’s a shame as it is a wonderful run from Fernandes. The Saints do have the players. It is becoming more of a contest now as both teams are looking for openings.

We opened the Barton and Guestier French Sparkling and got ready for the second half but not before Sarah danced around the room to Heaven by The Psychedelic Furs. I imagine that sums up Iraola’s mood perfectly.

The second half is underway. Still no sign of Dibling. Semenyo does a brilliant Johan Cruyff impression and nearly scores but Ramsdale saves brilliantly to keep The Saints in the game. Full on mazy from Semenyo.

At last Dibling is brought on. About time if you ask me. Bournemouth are looking dangerous as Christie has a ball blocked by Ramsdale on the line. Great fingertip save.

Dibling breaks from midfield shrugging off Christie. The move breaks down but Aribo wins it back and finally Sulemana latches on to it. He shoots and scores. The Saints are back in the game with fifteen minutes to go.

An instinctive finish. Southampton are pushing forward but they are so sloppy at the back and Tavernier shoots from outside the area giving the goalkeeper no chance. The game is done and dusted.

This victory puts Bournemouth in fifth place above Chelsea. What a season for them. Their squad is really strong. There will be a lot of suitors coming for some of those players as well as the manager.

It is lovely to see The Cherries flying high. And all being well. In Europe for next season. The Saints are doomed. They will be relegated and will need to regroup but again there will be lots of premier league clubs drooling over one or two of their players. Dibling especially.

arsenal vs manchester city

I walked into the room and there was Blue in Green by Miles Davis featuring John Coltrane and Bill Evans filling the room. Sarah smiling with a glass of Special Cuvée Bollinger in her hand. She is wearing a DoubleJ mini swing dress with big flowers on it. Her legs are in really good shape. Can’t say the same for mine. Let’s see how the legs of the two midfields today are faring.

Arsenal are at home facing Manchester City. The Gunners are still without an out and out striker. The Sky Blues are still without a defensive central midfielder.

The champagne is good. The football should be flowing as well.

Already Pep looks like he is in dark existentialist mode. Happily I am not seeing a cello there beside him. Only one glass so far so all is good. Within the first minute John Stones makes a mistake. I definitely prefer him in midfield. Luckily for him he gets away with it. He is an emotional player and he doesn’t look comfortable today. He can prone to mistakes.

Straight away you see the Arsenal midfield quick off the press at the heels of Silva and Kovacic. Giving them no time or space at all. I must admit I have no idea why Silva is playing centre midfield. Maybe I am missing something.

John Stones is having a seriously bad day at the office. Again high pressing forcing him to make a terrible pass to Akanji who fumbles. Arsenal pounce and win the ball. Havertz lays it off for Odegaard to put the ball in the back of the net. Horrible defensive play from the centre back. Manchester City are just too slow and cumbersome. Just over two minutes on the clock and this is looking bad for City.

Arsenal are pushing for a second and they almost get it but Martinelli is offside. Gvardiol who is brilliant in the air almost gets the equaliser for The Sky Blues but Raya saves well and pushes it on to the bar. Must admit Marmoush looks a player.

Just as things are looking up for The Sky Blues Ortega wants to show his ineptitude in defensive play as well. Arsenal harry and win it. Havertz has all the time in the world to score but shoots wide of the post. A terrible miss.

Poor Pep is doing some Sisyphus moves on the touchline. The struggle etched into his face. He is definitely Cruisin’ with Mr Scratch by John and Cody Carpenter. Inexplicably Arsenal are giving City space to move the ball around all be it in slow motion and Savinho almost scores.

The second half starts the same way. Arsenal laying off the Manchester City players. No intensity or desire to kill the game. Strange. A bottle of French Bloom is popped and being consumed.

The game is slow which suits City. Arsenal are not pressing. They pay the price. A lovely cross from Savinho and Haaland heads against the direction of the ball and scores. A good goal. The game notches up in intensity. Now Foden joins the bad mistakes party with a hospital pass. Straight to Partey who says thanks by scoring a screamer. Arsenal are back in front. Manchester City are shellshocked. Why John Stones lets him shoot is beyond me.

The Gunners have upped their intensity and intent. You can see the confidence of Manchester City just breaking down. Lewis-Skelly with all the enthusiasm and energy of an 18 year old jinks superbly past John Stones in the box and scores. A great goal for the youngster.

City keep pushing forward to get a goal back but they do look incredibly leggy. But not in a good way like Sarah. They struggle to run back when Arsenal hits them on the break. Martinelli’s strike is just wide but Havertz does brilliantly to make it four goals to Arsenal. You could see it coming.

It gets worse and worse for City. The late substitute Nwaneri receives a long ball and scores a peach of a goal. He makes it look so easy. Another academy player. He needs to be the number nine for Arsenal no question about it. It doesn’t how young and inexperienced he is. He has all the qualities.

Maybe Pep is looking for that cello after all. To lose by five goals to one is horrific to say the least. Worse than that is the drastic fall in performance levels from those players. The City empire has fallen hard. The capitulation is almost complete. Pep needs to rebuild a new team. Pronto. The whole team is ravaged with a discernible lack of confidence. This is the main reason for the deluge of defensive errors. The Answers to the Questions by Chyrstabell and David Lynch are not going to be easy. It is going to be a tough road back for The Sky Blues.

Arsenal still won’t win the league but they are at least putting pressure on Liverpool should they have any mishaps.

bournemouth vs nottingham forest

We are starting the party early today. Sarah is playing SXY by Hugel, Vidojean X Oliver Loenn and Mr Alameyo. The champagne is the Ruinart Blanc de Blancs. One of our favourites. She is dancing by herself. Throwing moves that would pull my hamstring as she puts on Valentine Mars by Peter Coyle Fractal.

Its Bournemouth against Nottingham Forest today. Both teams are flying. This will be a great indicator of how the rest of the season pans out for them. Bournemouth and Forest are looking at a place in Europe.

Straight away Forest go long ball to Wood and the ever improving Elanga forces a save from Kepa the goalkeeper. Minutes later and Wow by Kate Bush. Justin Kluivert is on fire. He gets the ball deep in his own half. Admittedly he is given the freedom of the park.

The Forest midfield is invisble. Totally awol. He takes advantage of this and slots the ball into the corner of the net. The cherries are in front after eight minutes. A beautiful strike from one of the in form strikers of the premier league.

Yates who has been impressive this season tries to get the equaliser with a half volley from outside the box. Another good save from Kepa. Already though Forest look leggy. Hence the long ball tactics. Gibbs White’s half volley just misses the post. Forest are pushing for the equaliser.

However they are leaving the midfield wide open. Their shape is all over the place probably due to Bournemouth’s high press tactics. Brooks who is having a great season too comes close. Bournemouth are in control of this game hitting Nottingham Forest on the break.

The second half is in play and so is the La Gioiosa Sparkling Wine. Very surprised to see Yates come off. He has been the standout player for Forest this season in my opinion.

Bournemouth are still oozing confidence as their defence is extremely well set up despite Nottingham Forest’s attacking prowess. Especially in the aerial battles. The Cherries centre backs playing particularly well.

Both teams continuing the first half pattern and going for it. This could go either way. Some delicious incisive play from Bournemouth and Ouattara rises superbly to head the ball into the back of the net. A sublime ball from Kerkez to Kluivert who jinked and put in a great cross for the centre forward. Very impressive.

The Cherries are on fire.

And for me Kluivert has just created a real moment of magic. A superb goal. A brilliant one two. Just such a shame that it is offside. But what a goal nonetheless. Kluivert doing just what his dad used to do.

Forest are looking ragged and making mistakes. Ouattara makes them pay with some fabulous forward play getting past two defenders. Three nil up and counting. This is starting to look bad for Nottingham Forest now. And it gets worse when Ouattara gets his hatrick after some poor goalkeeping.

Again some sloppy play in midfield. The Forest players are singing Let’s Get Mixed up by Klangphonics. It leads to Semenyo scoring at the death.

Bournemouth five Nottingham Forest nil. That is some scoreline. A comprehensive victory. What a great game. What a revelation Iraola is. He is Supa Good!!! by Yung Gravy and James Brown. Forest have been totally humbled.

everton vs tottenham

Sometimes a football team is functional. There is a clear identity and philosophy. The two teams today are firmly in the dysfunctional category. Neither have won since December. I would say Spurs are Burning Out by Philip Sayce and Everton are Out of Order by Arutani and AVEM.

David Moyes has come back and this is his second game. The first game was a defeat. Both teams are in the crawlspace at the bottom of the league. Make no mistake this is a big game. They both need moments of Lazarus by David Bowie.

Sarah is wearing a blue shirt and white trousers as she dances to the music in that slow rapturous way of hers. I pour the champagne. It is a Taittinger Prestige Rosé. She chose it because she wanted a hint of red to go with her outfit. I just drink the stuff and it works like a treat.

The game is on. Everton mirror Tottenham. They are playing five at the back. There is an intensity to their game for a change. They are compact in defence and using the high press. For the first time this season The Toffees are providing support around Dominic Calvert Lewin. It seems to be working. Early on Lindstrøm who is looking good on the right strikes a shot that brings out a save from the goalkeeper.

Minutes later the Everton striker showed real composure in the opposition box with three central defenders around him.

He weaved and turned and scored his first goal in a long time. The Everton faithful were in ecstasy. You could see the relief on their faces as they celebrated with Calvert Lewin. It is a brilliant goal.

Everton are playing with a confidence and Mangala hits the post. The crowd is energised. Goodison Park is buzzing. Tottenham are all over the place. Son is given a perfect lay off by Kulusevski but he doesn’t hit through the ball into Jordan Pickford’s left side. Instead he chooses the right side and it is an easy save for the goalkeeper in the end.

Son is not a number nine. Richarlison should be playing but for some reason he is on the bench. That should have been the equaliser.

Ndiaye plays a one two with Gueye in his own half and then runs through on goal from the halfway line. He shimmies past the central defender and shoots into the roof of the net. The Toffees are in dreamland.

Having said that the goal is made much easier because the right back was nowhere to be seen. Porro is The Invisible Man by Queen. Not a good look at all.

Spurs are floundering. They need half time pronto. However disaster strikes. Tarkowski heads across the goal and Calvert Lewin flicks it on and it rebounds off the unfortunate Archie Gray. Everton leave the pitch at half time with all four corners of the old ground applauding. Their side are beating Spurs by three goals to nil. No one would have predicted that.

On comes Richarlison to replace the centre back Drāgusin. Tottenham need a goal quick. Everton are still playing with confidence. Calvert Lewin misses a decent chance after more good work by Lindstrøm.

The Toffees are rattled. Kulusevski scores a brilliant goal after a great ball by Son and good work by Moore. Spurs are back in this.

The Everton faithful are praying they are not going to see another calamity similar to the Bournemouth escapade. The nerves of merseyside are jangling big time like The Byrds Eight Miles High. The anxiety is getting to fever pitch.

The substitute Ashley Young is slow to react and doesn’t stop Moore putting in a fine cross to the back post. Richarlison makes it two with just minutes to go. Goodison Park is beside itself with F.E.A.R. by Ian Brown. Can Everton hang on or will Tottenham make a stunning comeback?

Sadly it is too late for Spurs. The Toffees get their first win under David Moyes. A priceless win. The Lilywhites are in serious trouble. They may need Lilywhite Lillith by Genesis to guide them through this treacherous hole they have got themselves in.

liverpool vs manchester utd

Sarah waltzes into the room in a blue miu miu dress while singing along to Observatory Crest by Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band. She sways. She smiles. She shines while I pour the champagne which is a Ruinart Blanc de Blancs. Football is about to Hit the North-Part 1 by The Fall.

It is Liverpool versus Manchester United.

These games can be drab goalless draws. Hopefully not today. Liverpool are huge favourites but it all depends on which version of The Red Devils turns up.

Straight away you can see the motivation and fire in the Manchester United team. Will they be able to contain this Liverpool team who are flying this season?

Gakpo is inches away from scoring the first goal. Liverpool show their dominance and control even more when Mac Allister hits a half volley which was well saved by Onana. The signs are ominous.

It is all Liverpool and Gravenberch lets the ball come across his body to lose Mainoo. Beautiful midfield play. He steps forward and comes close. The momentum is building for the Reds.

Then with a simple ball over the top Höjlund is through on goal and should do better but Allisson stands tall and makes a good save. Both teams are moving through Solid Air by John Martyn. They are making the best of it. but it is a draw so far at half time. There is no breakthrough.

Out comes the Thomson and Scott Noughty to refill the glasses for the second half. Dalot is getting way too much space down the left side. Trent Alexander Arnold a target for Real Madrid is sloppy with his clearance due to the high press from United. Fernandes and Martinez combine well and the number six shoots into the roof of the net giving the Liverpool goalkeeper no chance. A gorgeous strike with his left foot.

United are in front. What a shock.

Having said that they have started this second half really well. Then in a heartbeat Gakpo turns a defender and slots the ball into the far corner of the net. A brilliantly taken goal. Anfield is alive and kicking.

Liverpool smell blood. They are pushing for it. They get the obligatory soft penalty. Salah steps up. It is not the best of penalties but it beats the goalkeeper.

Liverpool are in front. They want the win.

Garnacho comes on as a substitute for Manchester United and almost immediately he strolls past Konate and puts in a simple ball across the area. Diallo places the ball in the net. Shocking defending.

Liverpool are definitely weak on their right side of defence.

It is 2-2. What a game. Liverpool showing their worst aspects and Manchester United revealing their best attributes. The topsy turvy world of sports performance at the highest level. This game could go either way. Not sure yet who has got the Rhyme Dust by Dom Dolla and MK. It is like a cup game. Both teams really going for it.

A brilliant tackle by Yoro for Manchester United to deny Núñez. The young boy Bradley is definitely an improvement on Trent who didn’t have a good day at all. The way Connor Bradley goes past Fernandes is superb. He almost scores.

Another cross comes in for Liverpool and Onana saves well from a header. Immediately from that attack Manchester United should score in the dying seconds but Maguire skies the ball. However to be fair it was a terrible lay off by Zirkzee. The game was a draw but definitely not a bust.

manchester utd vs bournemouth

Sarah was in her chic 1960s mode. Dancing to Whatcouldbe by Tonic Walter. She was in her knee socks and classic dress as worn by Julie Christie for the film poster for Darling.

Ruben Amorim the new darling of The Red Devils is dreaming of what Manchester United could be but already he is hitting the rocks big time. It is not going to be an easy job for him at all.

Today he is facing one of the best outfits in the Premier League. Make no mistake. Bournemouth are a team made up of strands of success. Their improvement under Iraola has been significant. He is the real deal.

The Manchester United faithful are hopeful that today will be a good day. However it has to be said. The Red Devils are on a downward trajectory and Bournemouth are flying upwards. Only ninety minutes will tell.

Out come the teams and the champagne. It is a Louis Roederer Brut Premier. The mood is set. Old Trafford is switched on. Almost immediately you can feel the nerves. There is a whirlwind of anxiety and fear in the home crowd. Football fans aren’t stupid. The whole stadium is a cognitive dissonance meltdown. On a plus note the champagne is going down fast.

Bournemouth have a free kick. It is crossed into the area. Dean Huijsen glances a lovely flicked header into the goal. People talk about coaching. But it is like teaching someone how to eat a cheese sandwich. It is fundamental.

Joshua Zirkzee gave the young Bournemouth defender so much room you could have put a B52 bomber between them. Again there are basics. The first header is crucial. You learn stuff like that before you even have pubic hair. It is machine code. Not anymore apparently. Manchester United is Fragility by Flawed Mangoes. Sirens on the rooftops wailing just like in Broadway Melody of 1974 by Genesis. The Cherries are spilling their ripe juices all over the Old Trafford faithful.

Bruno Fernandes keeps pushing forward with a few chances on goal. Maybe they can get back in the game. The Red Devils do have the momentum going at the end of the first half but they need to score.

The champagne was finished within the half hour so now we are on Le Blanc by French Bloom. You can see the way the Manchester United team are set up for the start of the second half that they mean business. They have been told in no uncertain terms by the manager to get the equaliser.

I like the look of Tyler Adams and Ryan Christie. The Cherries midfield is in control. Their high pressing game is stifling the possession play from Manchester United. Also with Kluivert and Semenyo on either flank Bournemouth are so dangerous. And clinical.

The Red Devils are frustrated and rattled.

Justin Kluivert is literally handed a Christmas mince pie from Mazraoui. A defensive howler on the nuclear scale. Stupid misjudged and mistimed tackle from the defender in the penalty box. Kluivert rubbed salt in the wounds and scored.

Bournemouth are box office.

The Old Trafford faithful are questioning reality big time. It is turning into a Buñuel film. Or maybe an opera by Verdi. Lots of beseeching and screeching.

It is now full scale surreal as Quattara lays it off for Semenyo to slot the ball into the net. The Theatre of Dreams has collapsed in a heartbeat. It is the end of an era. Full stop.

Bournemouth are brave and solid. They do not waiver as Manchester United desperately try to claw something back. It is game over. On so many levels.

Conversely Bournemouth are the better team. They are performing at the highest level. The Only Way Is Up by Yazz.

For Manchester United they urgently require a Hazard Profile Part 1 by Soft Machine. It will take years to rebuild and reemerge from this.

tottenham vs chelsea

Sarah is wearing a white shirt under a denim jacket and blue jeans. She is playing the main theme from Halloween by John Carpenter. The champagne is already flowing. A Ruinart 2016. Football is an unpredictable game. That is highlighted when Cucurella slips and Solanke subsequently scores. Only five minutes on the clock. it is a brilliant finish from the Spurs forward.

Then just like a real horror movie. The Chelsea left back slips again. What is going on with his Future Puma 8s? Kulusevski weaves on the edge of the area and places the ball in the net. Chelsea are 2 nil down in 11 minutes and Cucurella immediately changes his boots. It is a horror show for him so far. He must be singing Don’t Give Up by Peter Coyle Fractal in his head at this moment as well as These Boots Are Made for Walking by Nancy Sinatra.

The new boots finally find their footing and pass to Jadon Sancho who is on the touch line. He literally waltzes past several defenders as though they are not there. He shoots into the far corner and kisses the inside of the post from outside the area.

This time it is Bissouma the Spurs midfielder who wants to be in a horror show. Such a poor goal to give away. A really positive run and a brilliant goal from Sancho. Spurs have given Chelsea a lifeline. The real time yoyo effect of modern football. And the lack of pragmatism is Tottenham’s approach.

Spurs are so open. Giving Cole Palmer the freedom of the park to shoot on goal and then another big save from Forster denying Neto. Tottenham are woeful at defending leads. However they almost extend theirs as Sarr hits the bar from a corner. But Chelsea are pushing. They have the momentum.

The second half begins and a Sidewood Nearly Naked sparkling low alcohol is in play. The glass is definitely half full for Chelsea. The blues are in the dominance. The tactical tweak involving the link up play between Cucurella and Sancho is a joy to watch. Their midfield is in total control. The equaliser is coming. Spurs are not reacting and are too inflexible. It will be their downfall.

Caicedo is in the box and is brought down by a reckless tackle from Bissouma. He is definitely in slasher territory with this performance. A real horror show. It is a nailed on penalty.

Cole Palmer steps up and sticks it right in the corner. A beautiful penalty kick. So composed.

Son has a golden chance to regain the lead in a defensive mix up from Chelsea but he puts it wide of the post. That is a big moment. The Blues have dodged a bullet there.

Palmer the game changer has got four players in and around him but he still manages to get a shot on goal which is deflected into the path of Fernández who dispatches it cleanly into the net. Chelsea are in the lead. A brilliant left footed strike. An even better turnaround considering they were 2 nil down.

Spurs are finding it Hard to Stay Calm by Peter Coyle Fractal and unbelievably Sarr goes into the back of Palmer in the area. Penalty.

With ice in his veins Palmer looks to the corner of the net and dinks a panenka. The most important game of the season for the fans and he has the composure and confidence to do that. What a player. What a penalty.

Spurs are now looking for the comeback. Maddison has come on for Spurs and João Félix for Chelsea. Félix doesn’t have a defensive bone in his body and allows Maddison to just skip round him to lay the ball off for Son to score. Too little too late for Tottenham. Chelsea are positively Gloaming by Oliver River, Misc.Inc.

newcastle vs liverpool

Liverpool are purring. Full on What’s New Pussycat by Tom Jones. The joy and satisfaction of being top of the table. The rapport between the players and the fans is tangible. The Red half of Liverpool is rosy. Sarah is wearing an Alexander McQueen red suit with a white shirt buttoned up. She whispers in my ear quoting Oscar Wilde.

Only the unimaginative can fail to find a reason for drinking Champagne as she hands me a Laurent - Perrier Cuvée Rosé to savour.

The game starts well. Nice fluid football with both teams attacking. Both look flimsy at the back however. The players from Newcastle and Liverpool pushing forward to score the first goal. All that enthusiasm to attack is leaving lots of open spaces. Both Murphy and MacAllister coming close.

Isak is given too much room. He then shimmies around Van Dijk and scores an absolute world beater of a goal from outside the box. Stunning. Newcastle are winning. What a goal.

The toon army is buzzing.

Minutes later, Anthony Gordon has a golden chance to send St James’ Park into orbit but he scuffs the shot straight at the keeper. Liverpool look rattled. Their backline is a little ragged. They are missing Konate. It will be interesting to see how the second half unfolds as it could go either way.

We open the Freixenet 0.0% sparkling. The glasses are full. Let The Music Play by Shannon is vibrating in the air. I am looking forward to seeing how Newcastle play this half.

Straight away I can see that the defenders are not getting tight. Lewis Hall gives Mo Salah so much space. Asking for trouble. Salah doesn’t disappoint. His pass allows Jones to run in and score a lovely goal. Guimares didn’t track the run. Offensively top draw. Defensively naive. Liverpool are back in it. They are galvanised and looking dangerous. Nunez is inches away from putting Liverpool in front.

Now Newcastle are on the attack and Gordon jinks past Gomez and scores. Poor defending again. And not at all surprised he is substituted for Trent Alexander Arnold. The Reds have got a game on their hands now. There are great chances at both ends. It is Mo Salah though who makes it count.

Lovely wing play from Trent Alexander Arnold. It is 2 – 2. Liverpool can taste the blood and Salah almost scores again but it hits the bar. What a player.

The man is unstoppable however as he swivels and scores to make it Liverpool 3 Newcastle 2. What a comeback from The Reds.

The toon army is in shock.

They have a free kick. It goes to the back post. For some reason Kelleher doesn’t go for the cross. Maybe he thinks it is in the Polar Lights by Nura En Pur. Alexander Arnold stops and brilliantly Schär continues. He slides it into the goal. Schär The Slider by T. Rex. Horrible defensive play on two fronts. Shocking. Not a good look for the Liverpool backline.

A lot of high octane football for the full ninety minutes. A great showcase for attacking play. A car crash for the defenders.

newcastle vs west ham utd

The distinctive driving rhythm of the drums and the guitar in Kashmir by Led Zeppelin fills the room. Sarah is dressed as Grace Kelly from To Catch A Thief. Her elegance in the black and white of her outfit and hat is sensational against the atmospheric rock of pulsing patterns. The music cinema and dance from Sarah is the foreplay to the game between Newcastle and West Ham.

The Hammers have been rather Heart Of Glass by Blondie of late and they have got their work cut out for them tonight in Tynecastle. The home crowd as always are up for it. The champagne is flowing. It is a Salon de Mesnil 2009 Grand Cru. The stage is set.

The Magpies start well. They look dangerous from the off. Isak makes a lovely run from the halfway line and scores a goal in the 5th minute but he is offside. Which is a shame as it was a perfect dink. I do appreciate a lovely dink. After The Love by Von Boch and Eli & Fur comes the sadness of the disallowed goal.

Then completely against the run of play the best header of the ball in the West Ham team scores from an out swinging corner. I finished my glass of champagne and filled it up again. I just don’t understand the total lack of marking. They know Soucek is the man. Instead they stick to their rigid system. Breaking news – it doesn’t work. Focus on the problem. It’s not rocket science. Zonal marking is like watching a gang of civil servants fill in some government forms while listening to Karma Chameleon by Culture Club. Systematically flawed. As well as being a total dud defensively.

When will managers wake up? It is only ten minutes in and I need more champagne. Newcastle look shaken. The home side are pushing for that equaliser but West Ham are solid and defending well. They don’t look easy to break down.

We have opened up a bottle of St Regis Nosecco. This is going to be an important forty five minutes for both teams. Especially for West Ham. They don’t want to be The Carpet Crawlers by Genesis for the Premier League. Isak goes close again but he can’t get round the ball enough and it goes wide.

Then the pantomime season starts early. Bowen pushes forward on a counter attack and Wan-Bissaka strolls into the area completely unmarked and scuffs a shot into the far corner. Ugly. No other word for it. Completely unmarked. To have so much space and for the runner not to be tracked. On top of that to see the ball crawl into the corner of the net as a result of the goalkeeper being in the totally wrong position. Shocking.

After fifty three minutes West Ham have doubled their advantage and Newcastle are losing by two goals to nil. The work rate of The Magpies midfield needs to be called into question.

I can imagine the internal workings of Eddie Howe’s mind is resonating with the furious chaos of the work space of Francis Bacon’s old studio. Love Like Blood by Killing Joke. West Ham do a number on Newcastle and hold firm. Their attacking threat is nullified and The Hammers see the game out. The story of this game is the wrong kind of double D. Diabolical defending.

manchester utd vs leicester

Sarah struts like a rock star. She is wearing a black suit. The classic white shirt and black waistcoat. She is dancing to Station to Station by David Bowie. Today Sarah is the Thin White Duke. The glass of Armand De Brignac Brut Gold is already halfway down the glass.

This is Van Nistelrooy’s last game before Ruben Amorim takes over.

It is a classic game of the Reds against the Blues. United are passing the ball around nicely. There is a different vibe about them. They definitely seem happier without Ten Hag.

Leicester push forward and get a corner. Hjølund clears with a big ugly clearance. Hitting it long and high. For some reason Kristiansen lets it bounce. Amad Diallo pounces and pushes forward. From the throw in the Leicester defence is all over the place and Bruno Fernandes strokes the ball home from the edge of the area. A good goal but it would never have happened if the defender didn’t let the ball bounce. Sloppy from The Foxes.

Some really nice forward play from The Foxes and a lovely flighted ball from Buonanotte but Ndidi cannot finish and Onana deals with it.

United look comfortable.

And things only get better when Fernandes gets a lucky deflection from a cross and scores. The Reds are two up. Just too easy.

The Thomson and Scott Noughty comes out for the second half. Manchester United are in cruise control. There are good moments of play from Leicester but the defensive partnership of Kristiansen and Waes is not working very well. It is making it too easy for Manchester United. Garnacho steps up and curls an absolute beauty into the corner of the net from outside the area. Sadly there is no Celebration by Kool & The Gang. A stunning goal. Instead the mute footballer shows his pain. A sulky and solemn response. He feels the fans have lost faith in him. Sarah articulates her eloquence and puts on Vancouver Hotel by ORBIT on the final whistle.

bournemouth vs manchester city

Sarah? What on earth are you smoking? I asked her.

"Today Matthew, I am going to be Maggie Smith from Downtown Abbey" she replied.

I looked at her and her walking stick bewildered while handing her a glass of Ruinart Blanc De Blancs champagne.

Thank you. You are a darling she said obviously still in character adjusting her hat. As she put on the theme tune from Downtown Abbey.

The teams were out in the sunshine. Bournemouth are flying. They have beaten Arsenal. Looking forward to seeing Semenyo again. He is the player to watch big time. He is a Game Changer by Róisin Murphy. So is Foden. Let’s see how it plays out.

From the off. Lovely football. Manchester City with their swagger. Until Semenyo dispossesses Ake and Bournemouth are through on goal.

The Cherries are not in awe of Guardiola’s boys. Nice to see. They are pressing. Haaland loses the ball cheaply and Foden is forced into some defensive play against Kerkez. Really poor from Foden. Shockingly lame to allow Kerkez to get past him and make the cross. Semenyo profits with a gorgeous swivel and Bournemouth are in the lead. Foden at fault there. And he knows it. Unforgivable really. It is early days yet but the scene is set. Game on.

Manchester City are pushing for the equaliser but the tempo of play is pedestrian. They are sorely missing Rodri and De Bruyne. There is no intensity to the play. No leaders. It is all pretty but rather lightweight and they are not troubling Bournemouth.

Half time is going to be crucial for Guardiola because the vibe is wrong.

Sarah was working her walking stick while dancing to Mask Off by Future. Out comes the Rondel Cava. This is going to be a big half for both teams.

The Cherries are not phased and go for the killer punch. Evanilson almost delivers but for some excellent goalkeeping from Ederson. Immediately Manchester City should have scored but Foden fluffs his chance and it goes wide.

Semenyo takes the ball down with a superb touch and leaves Bernardo Silva for dead. So easy. He lays it off for Kerkez on the overlap. He puts in a brilliant cross and Evanilson slots it in the back of the net.

Manchester City are reeling. They are being outplayed here. Kerkez and Semenyo are superb. The Cherries are deservedly on top. Manchester City are just full on gossamer in midfield.

Tavernier is inches away from making it three up. He hits the post with a fabulous strike. Bournemouth are loving this. Manchester City are losing all the battles in midfield. The Cherries are enjoying this. They are defending in numbers and Manchester are struggling to break them down. Then out the blue Gvardiol scores a lovely header and brings City back into the game.

Can they get something out of this?

Will Bournemouth fold under the pressure?

The Blues are pushing and Haaland almost gets the equaliser but he hits the post instead.

Game over. And very possibly era over.

Sarah started showing some air guitar technique with her walking stick playing While My Guitar Gently Weeps by The Beatles.

Manchester City will not win the league. City just couldn’t cope with the high energy pressing of Bournemouth. The Cherries won the hustle. Bournemouth could get into Europe at this rate. Iraola is working wonders there.

Brentford vs Ipswich

Sarah is dressed up as Charlie Chaplin today. She is smiling while sipping her champagne. A Rosé Late Release by Louis Roederer. Her bowler hat is delicately poised on her head and keeps falling off as

she dances to Black Poppies Underworld.

The match kicks off.

The big teams are starting to play more defensively it seems to us so it is refreshing to see straight away a really open game.

Surprisingly Ipswich are taking the game to Brentford and it is from a lovely ball by Kalvin Phillips that leads to the first goal. A wonderful strike by Szmodics side footing past the goalkeeper. Then in a heartbeat Conor Chaplin picks up a loose ball and passes to George Hirst and Ipswich are winning by two goals.

Didn’t expect this.

Brentford are Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie. Ipswich are in total control and going for a third. And so close. That would have been definitive if Szmodics shot had gone in. However they are still leaving big gaps in midfield. Kalvin Phillips gets left for dust by Janelt and Wissa steps up and scores a vital goal just before half time. A big moment. Ipswich may rue their tactical naivety.

Oh dear. It gets even worse for The Tractor Boys. Wissa equalises just before minutes later. What a game of football. What a turnaround. Ipswich are going to need to start the second half the way they started the first half.

We open the Champagne Taittinger Zero. Almost immediately the momentum has swung. Ipswich gives away a penalty and Mbeumo scores. Brentford are in the lead. They are looking to kill the game off.

Attack after attack. Looking to break The Tractor Boys down. Ipswich are Hanging On A String by Loose Ends. It is not looking good for them. It is all Brentford and now Clarke receives a second yellow. I don’t see a way back for Ipswich.

Out of nothing Delap scores from a delicious cross. It is even stevens again with minutes of normal time remaining.

Can Ipswich hang on?

In the 95th minute Mbeumo cuts in from the right wing and puts in a cross come shot and it sneaks into the corner of the net. A terrible error by the goalkeeper. Brentford win the game at the death. Heartbreak for Ipswich. It will be a long season for them. Sarah starts dancing to City Lights by The Waeve.

southampton vs leicester

The light on the pitch at St Mary’s Stadium is glorious. A sunny day perfect for playing football. Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles is blaring out over the speakers. Sarah is smiling with the champagne in her hand. It is a Bollinger Special Cuvée. The mood is good.

Southampton start well in the sunshine. Hitting the crossbar from a free header in the first five minutes. Then minutes later Archer scores the easiest goal ever. Leicester opened up and let The Saints cut through them. Weird non defending by The Foxes.

It is a good open game with both sides pushing forward. End to end stuff. Once again poor full back play from Justin and Aribo gets a simple tap in. Southampton are cruising at 2 nil up. Leicester are in trouble here. If they are not careful the game will runaway from them.

El Khannouss almost scores a lovely goal for Leicester with his right foot but it comes back off the post. It is Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey and Cedric Gervais in half time. Sarah is enjoying the groove. She switches to Jamming by Bob Marley & The Wailers as she opens the Rondel Cava.

The second half is on.

Will The Saints get their first win of the season? A big forty five minutes for them. Southampton are in control and playing well but impressed by The Foxes as they are still going for it and trying to get a goal back. A weird pattern to this game. Really free-form.

The story of the game seems to be poor wing back play. I know Ryan Fraser is not a left back but the way Fatawu gets past him is embarrassing. Buonanotte who is a really good player gets a goal back for Leicester.

Game on.

Can they Get Lucky by Daft Punk featuring Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers? Fatawu is on fire. The substitute almost scores a screamer but just hits the bar. He is impressive and is making a difference big time. His back post header is saved but Vardy is fouled. It’s a penalty and Ryan Fraser is having a nightmare. He is a red card all day. Vardy dispatches the penalty brilliantly and The Foxes are level. Southampton are on the rocks.

Leicester are going for the winner. It’s a great game. Very dramatic. It’s the last corner of the game. Harry Winks is taking it. The box is jammed pack full of jostling players. Intelligently Winks passes the ball to the edge of the penalty box and Ayew scuffs it and scores in the 98th minute. You couldn’t make it up. The Foxes take all three points. They have got a real player in Fatawu. He is going places. The Saints dramatic collapse does not bode well for the coming weeks.

brentford vs wolves

Just daydreaming with a glass of champagne in my hand. Remembering the days. Football was my life when I was on the pitch. Don’t Wake Me Up by Eleonora.

The champagne was Chavost Bland d’Assemblage. I sipped some more and listened to In a Landscape by John Cage. The sun was shining. Sarah was vibing.

The game started and immediately I wanted to know what the hell the wolves team were smoking. Within 75 seconds they had allowed Nathan Collins the centre back for Brentford to not only come forward and pass the ball to the winger. But then let him stroll into the box and head into the goal.

Crazy. You can say lack of concentration or individual error. You can say what you want. Maybe the Wolves players were just too superstar to bother with defending. There must be a problem in the dressing room. As these players are not doing the basics. It was going to be a worrying afternoon for Gary O’Neil the Wolves manager.

Or maybe not. A good positive passage of play and the ball was passed to Cunha who side footed past the goalkeeper. After four minutes it was a goal a piece. It was strange however that no one in the team gathered around him to celebrate. Very telling. Brentford kept putting in the crosses and attacking the goal. Nathan Collins was pulled to the ground. A penalty. Mbeumo dispatched it perfectly. Brentford were in the lead again in this yoyo game.

Wolves kept going. After poor defensive play Strand Larsen did brilliantly to get to the ball first and put it in the back of the net. The game was level again on the 26th minute.

Literally seconds later Brentford scored again.

I have no idea what the midfield and defence for Wolves are doing. It is inexplicable. I have no idea what kind of sunshine they have got in their kitbag. Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz.

The Wolves rearguard was beyond useless. What a gift for Brentford. They have taken the lead for the third time in the 28th minute.

It gets worse for Wolves. Brentford score again from a set piece. Pinnock was totally unmarked. Unbelievable. The lack of defensive structure. The defensive frailty are mindblowing.

The half time talk for Gary O’Neil is going to be excruciating. I feel for him. What the second half holds for Wolves? God Only Knows by The Beach Boys. Fortunately there is another bottle to open. A Studio Null Sparkling Verdejo.

You could see the pressure the Wolves team were under. They were making silly mistakes. Brentford kept pushing. Wolves just wanted the game to be over so as they could finish off their spliffs. To rub salt in the wound the Wolves goalkeeper cleared really poorly and Carvalho scored. The fifth goal for Brentford.

Just to complete the whole laid back vibe Wolves scored their third goal. The smell of Sinsemilla by Black Uhuru was everywhere. Sarah looked at me and played Are You Experienced? by Jimi Hendrix.

arsenal vs leicester

Can Arsenal win the league?

No One Knows by Queens of the Stone Age was blaring out loud. It will be close. Sarah thought this was their best chance in a long while but they need to sharpen up in attack as well as cutting out their defensive lapses.

I poured out the champagne for us. It was Champagne Palmer Solera Rosé Brut NV. The first sip was nectar.

Leicester were kicking off. Jamie Vardy passed the ball back from the centre circle to the goalkeeper Hermansen. The sun was shining. A good day for football.

Saka looked in good shape and was at the centre of all the good link up play from Arsenal. It was just a matter of time before Martinelli reacted to the cross from Justin Timber and passed the ball into the net. A good early goal for Arsenal. Leicester were struggling. Arsenal were dominant. It got worse as Trossard stepped up and stroked the ball into the net for the second goal.

The second half was going to be tough for Leicester. The Leitz Eins-Zwei-Zero Riesling was in the glasses and going down well. Within a minute James Justin was given a free header and it deflected off Havertz who was marking no one. Leicester were back in it. Arsenal showing their weakness again.

The Gunners were still dominant pushing forward. Looking to kill the game. However they were leaving way too much space in midfield.

Partey is a good player but he needs to be wary of that. Having said that the second goal from James Justin was an absolute peach of a volley. A beautiful strike just like Peaches by The Stranglers.

Unbelievably Leicester were level. The Emirates Stadium was in shock.

Arsenal huffed and puffed. Hermansen was having the game of his life. The goalkeeper for Leicester was brilliant. I couldn’t help noticing though that all the corners for Arsenal were long and heading for the back post. No matter which flank they were coming from.

It was a definite strategy from Arsenal and Leicester were absolutely vulnerable in that area. Calafiori had a brilliant header from the back post saved by Hermansen. It just felt that Leicester were not adapting to the high balls from the corners. They were hoping they could ride the storm. So far they had. A dangerous game to play however.

Nwaneri also looked like a real player. Lively. Coming in on the inside and peppering the Leicester goal with shots. Nice and direct. The pressure was on.

Then heartbreak for Leicester. In added time Trossard. Alone by The Cure spun round to the back post. Keeping his eye on the ball and with the tamest of shots guided the ball into the back of the net from a deflection. Leicester paid the price for not reading the situation with the balls to the back post. The game was lost. The Emirates was jubilant.

The icing on the cake was when Havertz’s goal was given. Arsenal were victorious. The Gunners were Getting Away with It by Electronic. They can win the title but they without doubt need a top striker to score the goals. Until then the questions still remain about them.

manchester city vs arsenal

Sarah came out old school straight from the kick off. No More Heroes by The Stranglers. I put the Laurent Perrier Cuvée Rosé to my mouth. My heart wished it was me running out there on the pitch. Those days are over. She must have seen me daydreaming. She was smiling as she mimicked John Lydon saying hello hello. She was in her element as she played Public Image by Public Image Ltd.

There are two sides to every story.

Well today is a big indicator to see if Arsenal can end Manchester City’s winning streak of Premier League titles. Will there be a shift in power? Within seconds Rodri was on the floor. Arsenal meant business.

Then Calafiori was left for dead. It was really poor and naive defending from him. Savinho is class and his turn and through ball to Haaland was perfect. Manchester City were ahead.

Calafiori made amends however with the most sublime side foot of the season from outside the area. It was a beautiful goal. Game on. Arsenal were in the ascendancy and then Gabriel embarrassed Walker. He swivelled and turned with a brilliant desire to get first to the ball from a corner. He scored a brilliant headed goal. The Gunners were in front.

Captain Scarlett aka Mikel Arteta has injected another level of aggressiveness and fight to their play. They are definitely edgier. However it spilled over when Trossard kicked the ball away. This is where I struggle a little bit. There is the letter of the law and there is the spirit of the law. The spirit is on its knees. It seems too dogmatic to me. Trossard is sent off for a second yellow. City are losing but Arsenal are down to ten men. A terrible way to end the first half. Sarah put on Life During Wartime by Talking Heads.

The champagne for the second half was Pierre Zero Rosé. Let’s see what happens with the football. I must admit it was lovely to see some proper defending going on. It was almost Italian.

Five at the back for Arsenal. David Raya was in brilliant form and made some magnificent saves. City were coming for the second but it was all very predictable. They couldn’t find a way through the rear guard of Arsenal.

Gvardiol has a wonderful left foot on him. City were relentless going forward. Arsenal stood firm. A masterpiece of the low block defensive play. It was impressive but then in literally the dying seconds Havertz was late coming out to defend the quick corner by Jack Grealish. He went short and there was John Stones to score from the rebound. What a relief for Pep Guardiola. Arsenal were so close but that was pure What Difference Does It Make by The Smiths. They will be gutted. For us neutrals That’s Entertainment by The Jam.

the story of the blues

Football is about stories and narratives. All the hype. The hysteria. The overreaction. They all mix together to create a toxic combination.

Sarah put on Mushroom by Can. She was gyrating suggestively while Damo Suzuki was screaming out

I’m gonna give my despair. The champagne was already flowing. We started early today or did the football start late? Not sure. A bottle of Eleonore Mystère 9 was chosen. The Story of The Blues by Pete Wylie & The Mighty Wah! was next up.

Last week Everton lost a two nil lead and managed to concede three goals after the 87th minute to give Bournemouth an amazing and highly surreal three points. This time Everton go to Aston Villa underneath that cloud. Playing the role of the underdog. Aston Villa are on the way up.

So it was weird that McNeil dispossessed Onana and promptly stroked the ball past Martinez to put Everton ahead. Woeful goalkeeping.

Then ten minutes later Calvert Lewin was totally unmarked. He scored with a free header. Brain dead defending. Everton found themselves two goals to the good again in a football match. Weird. Maybe today it was Stella Blue by The Grateful Dead.

Or maybe not.

Aston Villa’s Ollie Watkins had got one back.

Why do footballers not want to protect and serve? It is beyond me. Everton’s rear guard was wafer thin. A criminal act of defensive play from Everton.

James Garner who admittedly is not a right back was positionally wrong and let Digne cross the ball without any real desire to stop that cross coming in. Where was Harrison to help out? There seems to be something intrinsically wrong with Sean Dyche’s team. The players mentality has to be questioned.

Then to compound the blue misery Keane the Everton centre back was out jumped by Ollie Watkins. Not good enough. Dire defending to the extreme. Sheer Goo Goo Muck by The Cramps.

The second half saw the introduction of Ross Barkley the former Everton prodigy. It was a scintillating game but you could tell that Aston Villa wanted More by Sisters of Mercy. Watkins again to the rescue.

Harrison this time tried to defend however his miskick set up Watkins for an easy tap in. The clarets were level.

Predictably up stepped Durán to score a wonder goal. The stadium was Spellbound by Siouxsie and The Banshees. Heartbreak yet again for the blue half of Liverpool. A crushing defeat was on the horizon.

The narrative was a whisker away from changing as Calvert Lewin broke forward and hit the bar. The margins. A draw at

3-3 would have been celebrated. But to lose 3-2 again after throwing away another two goal lead is Stephen King’s level of horror. Everton need a different type of storyteller soon or relegation looms

men vs boys

Sarah chose Infinite Pleasure by The Pale White. It was the big game of the weekend. Manchester United against Liverpool. All the pundits were expecting a tight game. I am not so sure. The champagne is good though. Dom Pérignon Rosé Vintage 2009. Who is going to be the Star by Bryan Ferry? Will it be Ten Hag or Arnie Slot?

I am still reeling from the fact that McTominay was sold. I just don’t get it.

After seven minutes Alexander Arnold had the ball in the back in the net but it was ruled out by VAR. The omens were poor for United. To quote Sean Dyche after Everton’s insane implosion against Bournemouth. You could smell it.

Liverpool however looked extremely threatening. Gravenberch had all the space in the world to cut through the midfield. He made Mainoo look average.

You could see it straight away. The gulf between the teams.

Without foundations there is no team. Without the groundwork there is no organisation. Without the infrastructure there is zero confidence.

Liverpool are purring like panthers. The whole system works and they have the organisation at the back and the firepower up top. They will compete for the title. They are Riders on the Storm by The Doors.

Just after the half hour mark Gravenberch again took control of the midfield without being challenged by Casemiro. Mo Salah given time by the charitable Martinez to put a peach of a cross on to the back post. There was Diaz with a free header. He was Travelling Alone by 22 Layers. He duly put Liverpool ahead. Too easy.

The Manchester United players were not present. Zero spark or energy. There are no leaders. In a heartbeat Liverpool were ahead by two goals. Again as a result of mistakes by Casemiro and Martinez.

Manchester United are a House With No Door by Van Der Graaf Generator. I feel sorry for Ten Hag.

Casemiro was replaced for the second half. So was the champagne. This time it was Noughty Sparkling Chardonnay. As if on cue Mainoo was lightweight and Liverpool were scoring again. Three goals to the good and not even breaking a sweat.

Mo Salah is different class. He makes everything look so easy. You can tell he works incredibly hard just so as he can enjoy himself on the pitch. He is sublime and he scores for fun.

It was becoming embarrassing. Liverpool were toying with Manchester United at Old Trafford. There are no words to describe the utter humiliation. It could have been four or five. Manchester United feebly tried to make a game of it in the later stages but the majority of the fans had already left the stadium. They had seen enough.

aston villa vs arsenal

There is nothing like the sound of glasses clinking. Knowing that football is on the way. Sarah was playing Happy House by Siouxsie and the Banshees.

Aston Villa are hosting Arsenal.

The big questions are will this be Arsenal’s year and will Villa establish themselves as a top four team? Nothing will be decided today but which team will have that Nighttime Feeling by Klangphonics and Weston Loney. The champagne for the first half is a Bruno Paillard Rosé Première Cuvée. The second half delight will be Lyre’s Classico.

The game is on. Already Arsenal look better in defence with Timber there instead of Zinchenko. Having said that I don’t understand why Arsenal haven’t bought a striker. Jesus is injured and Havertz is up front.

Both teams looked up for it. And there was a good feel to the game. Martinez the Villa goalkeeper made a brilliant save from Saka. Truly world class. Rogers in midfield reminded me of Patrick Viera for The Villans. He looked really special and his lay off for Ollie Watkins to put Villa ahead was fabulous. However the striker did not attack the ball. He let the ball come to him. A basic attacking error. All forwards know that you need to have the momentum to hit the ball sweetly. Like a novice he put the ball wide. A huge opportunity missed. Both teams were playing well. But no goals in the first half.

The second half was in play. Onana the former midfielder from Everton almost put the ball in the back of the net from a wicked deflection. Somehow it came off the bar and David Raya superbly saved the diving header from Watkins. Watkins again should have done much better. He was not having a good day. Rogers however was magnificent. What a player he seems to be. Villa cannot keep on missing these big chances.

At last Trossard came on as a substitute for Arsenal and with his first touch he showed Ollie Watkins how to do it. He attacked the ball and side footed the ball into the net. It should be mentioned that Lucas Digne the left back for Villa was out tussled and outclassed by Saka to enable him to put the ball across the face of the goal.

Unai Emery will not be happy at all.

Neither was Trossard.

His stance was dead inside. He couldn’t have been more Untitled by Interpol. His joy at scoring was bereft. He was singing Nessun Dorma by Pavarotti while his teammates were in ecstasy.

It was stark. It was clear as day. It was shocking. I don’t know how Mikel Arteta is going to manage that, but he has got a problem there. Trossard does make the difference. More so than Martinelli for me.

It was only a matter of time before Partey who also had a good game struck the ball just outside the area and scored. Martinez maybe should have done better to save it but he could have seen it late as the defender was blocking him.

Maybe it is Arsenal’s year.

They definitely have the Alchemy by Philipp Wolf. They were able to bring on Calafiori who I am looking forward to seeing more of in the premiership. For me though the last ditch tackle by Saliba was superb. It proves that Arsenal are really strong defensively. With a lovely balance to the team.

The big question mark for me is Havertz. If there was Victor Osimhen or someone of that calibre upfront then Manchester City would have a real challenge.

Just a few days to go before the transfer window closes. We will see.

the winning machine against the blue 42

Sarah and I had a kick off even before the kick off. She said that the Chelsea dressing room must be like some scenes from the film of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

I laughed. Totally.

Yes but without the profanity and alcohol. Talking about alcohol Sarah said she had a suggestion for the new season. That sounded ominous.

Why don’t we have two bottles of plonk for each game but one of those bottles will have to be alcohol free. My heart sank. The balance in the universe has truly been disturbed. Everything has truly gone AWOL. I know that Chelsea have got 42 players on their books, but is that the answer to life, the universe and everything?

Sarah put on Warm Leatherette by The Normal to compensate for my utter despair. She makes me laugh when she dances to it. Miming the genius lyrics. Her hips moving like a delicious metronome.

I am definitely part of the car crash set. The song segued into Lullaby by The Cure.

She said we will open the Taittinger Prestige Rosé for the first half and then the alcohol free French Bloom La Cuvée Vintage 2022 for the second half.

Adding that It will be Just Like Honey by The Jesus and Mary Chain.

The first real glasses were quickly clinked in an uneasy peace. I treasured the taste.

I know that it feels like the Systems Down by AC/DC but trust me it is not. It will be for the best. Sarah assured me.

The match began.

Chelsea are not really in the football game. To let Conor Gallagher go who is a boyhood Chelsea fan says it all. I think they may be venturing into some kind of surrealist soap opera. The Stamford Bridge vibe is impossible to fathom. I repeat 42 players. Or should I say influencers now. Manchester City on the other hand are a winning machine. It doesn’t help when the powerhouse that is Moses Caicedo strolls round the pitch as though he is looking for some shoes.

Jeremy Doku on the left wing is given the world of space. He shimmies round him and puts the ball in the box. Fofana and Colwill both really good prospects were not dancing to the same tune. There must have been something good on Instagram.

Who knows? Haaland the predator didn’t care.

He ruined the centre backs’ mojo by pushing through the giant hole between them and dinked the ball in the back of the net despite the lame efforts of Cucurella to challenge him.

Strolltastic for Manchester City.

Savio on the right wing definitely made me purr. What a joy to see. A real right winger. Another sip of the real champagne.

To be fair to Chelsea they did improve after conceding the goal and seemed to have put away their mobile phones. The second half was much of the same. Both sides matching one another and showing their qualities.

Chelsea are young and prone to individual mistakes. It is tough for them as the pressure must be immense. Made me think of Know Who You Are At Every Age by The Cocteau Twins.

The scoreline became worse for them when the Chelsea reject Kovacic waltzed through the final third after another error by Fofana and scored through the abject inability of the Chelsea goalkeeper.

Chelsea must be big fans of All We Ever Wanted Was Everything by Bauhaus. Chelsea will finish in the top four if Felix stays fit. Unless injuries or points deductions ravage Manchester City I cannot see Arsenal taking the Premier League title away from them.

The faux champagne felt good, as long as I didn’t think about it. Sarah put on the belter Twenty Four Hours by Joy Division.

the euro cup final 2024

Sarah and I were both drunk. There was an inevitability to it. The champagne was all that mattered. It was two bottles of Dom Ruinart Blanc De Blancs 2010. Pure comfort on the way Straight To Hell by The Clash.

Men face facts. No matter how incongruent they are. They face facts. Not Southgate. He is in no man’s land. He ain’t no dancer singing Helter Skelter by The Beatles.

He is obviously a good man. A loyal man. It ends there. His talent is at the bottom of the slide. He was in Harry Kane’s Witches Spell by AC/DC.

That is the story.

Spain were not challenged at the back. Their centre backs could have had their nails done in that game. It was that relaxing for them. Not one person in the British media challenged Harry Kane or Gareth Southgate on what the fuck were they smoking. The media is just as utterly defunct and paralysed in the same way that the democrat party is in regards to Biden. The deep dilemma of denial. It never ends.

Sarah put on Marquee Moon. She was reminding me to not give a damn. Just listen to the rain and ignore the words in Southgate’s brain.

Spain were the better team. Their tactics didn’t come from the graveyard. I shouldn’t feel sorry for Southgate but when he took off Mainoo and didn’t replace him with Gallagher it was like Bring on The Night by The Police. What is real and make believe. Pure Virginia Plain by Roxy Music.

Enough of the pedestrian England. Spain are at the start of the Golden Years by David Bowie. They deserve it. They play football. Without the shackles. They are beautiful.

They pass and move and their wingers are the Children of the Revolution by T.Rex and those boys can bump and grind all game long. Long may it continue. Congratulations to the red and yellow of Spain. They totally deserved it. Unfortunately for England there are No More Heroes by The Stranglers.

the champions league final

Sarah and I started early on the champagne. It was a Laurent - Perrier Blanc de Blancs Brut Nature. Speil by Terje Rypdal was making the sound waves in the background. We were talking about all the football we have watched together. So much to wonder at. Always the passion. Always the inexplicable flaws. It has been a long season. A beautiful Cosmic Dancer by T. Rex.

We sipped the nectar and talked about the unbelievable talent of Carlo Ancelotti and Real Madrid. His genius. His style. His lack of ego. His ability to bring the best out of his players is unparalleled. No mangled micro management here. He is not a top down authoritarian who shouts and screams. He is calm and gives the players the freedom to be players. The magic of his quizzical eyebrow is the only thing that Rips it up by Orange Juice.

We were chatting about the game that was about to start. It was hard not to feel for the Borussia Dortmund team. Talk about being Under The Pressure by The War on Drugs. It is not going to be easy for them. They are a hard working team and honest. Will it be enough to break down Real Madrid and get a victory at Wembley Stadium? To say that they will be going in Blind by Korn is a huge understatement.

Dortmund started well. Brandt had a good chance but the biggest opportunity missed was by Adeyemi. His poor touch going around Courtois was awful. Dortmund were in control of the game. Real Madrid were under the cosh. They were rattled. When Füllkrug hit the post you just got the feeling that the ball would not go into the net.

Dortmund were fast, aggressive and dominant in the first half but without a goal they were in peril. They needed that first half to finish with a goal. As it was the second half started goalless.

Ancelotti tweaked a few details and Real Madrid ominously for Dortmund started to grow into the game.

The goal came from a Toni Kroos corner. Füllkrug reacted instead of anticipating and that gave Carvajal the chance to win the header and score the crucial first goal. The die was cast.

It was just a matter of time before Maatsen made an unfortunate mistake. Tiredness had crept in. Vinícius Júnior stepped up and made it two goals to nil. Real Madrid were victorious yet again. Sad for Borussia Dortmund because they gave everything but sadly for them it was just not to be.

a touch of Garnacho

Sarah was in a reflective mood for the F A Cup Final. She was playing Thirteen Anniversaries: 10. In Memoriam Constance Hope by Leonard Bernstein and Katie Mahan . The champagne was a Bruno Paillard N.P.U. New Plus Ultra Rosé 2008. She smiled effusively as Cloudbusting by Kate Bush followed the piano piece.

To the end of the season she toasted.

It felt strange and unreal as the glasses came together and worked their tender beautiful magic. A memorable season to say the least. To mark the occasion Sarah put on Gravity by Tore Brunborg.

The first thing I did was to look at the substitutes bench. For Manchester United to have a chance they needed a strong bench. They didn’t. The Manchester City bench was colossal. It is a Wonderful World by Nine Horses to have a bench like that.

Having said that it was good to see that Martinez and Varane were the centre backs. A real positive for The Red Devils.

If they have any chance at all in this game to Get Lucky by Daft Punk Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers then they are going to need to be strong defensively.

Early on in the game there was a weird vibe going on. City looked not quite so fluid. They were clunky and not at all smooth running.

It was clear that United were going for the ball over the top. Using the pace of Rashford and Garnacho. City didn’t look coordinated at the back at all. It was all a bit ramshackle.

Then in the 30th minute a simple long ball over the top from Dalot led to a mix up between Gvardiol and Ortega. It meant that Garnacho got to score the easiest goal imaginable. Manchester United couldn’t believe their luck. City were shellshocked.

Then Sky Blues hadn’t really found their rhythm. Their mojo was missing. They were losing to their biggest rivals. The pressure was on.

The Red Devils were galvanised and kept on playing the long ball. It was working a treat. It got even better. When the ever impressive Mainoo finished off a lovely move to put United two goals ahead in the first half. It was Dreamtime by The Stranglers. All the momentum was against Pep Guardiola’s team.

For the second half Manchester City changed the formation and the players. The reality was though that they were chasing the game and they needed a goal to get back into the game. They didn’t create enough. De Bruyne looked tired. The trouble for Manchester City was that the goal only came in the 87th minute. Too late to take the game to extra time.

Against All Odds by Phil Collins Erik Ten Hag had beaten Manchester City and won the F A Cup. After the difficult season United have had you could see how much it meant to him and it was nice to see. A deserved victory against their biggest rivals. An out of sorts Manchester City.

final day

Tenterhooks. A day when you can be Shot By Both Sides by Magazine. A day of feeling Totally Wired by The Fall. A highly emotional day. Some teams will be winners. Some players will be losers. Some managers will be saying goodbye. All in all a day where there is so much at stake.

The champagne was a Frerejean Frères Hussards 2012 Immergée . On such a rollercoaster of a day we felt it was necessary to have two bottles ready to go. Will it be Pep Guardiola or Mikel Arteta smiling at the end?

Within two minutes there was a goal at the Etihad Stadium in Manchester. There were nine outfield players from West Ham in the area. As well as The Hammers goalkeeper. Phil Foden stepped past one player outside the area and scored yet another wonder goal. He is phenomenal. The crowd erupted. A beautiful start. The Gunners in The Emirates Stadium were desolate.

City were dominant. Peppering the goal with shot after shot against West Ham. Then Gvardiol who has been a superb signing shuffled past three tackles in midfield to set free Doku. Another gem. Doku passed to Foden for his second goal. The Etihad was in dreamland.

It got even worse for Arsenal as Everton scored an extremely fortunate goal from a deflection. Arsenal got the equaliser soon after from some woeful marking from Everton. Arsenal were level. Then came some real hope. Kudus scored a brilliant overhead kick and got a goal back for West Ham.

As I said initially. Tenterhooks. It could go either way still. The tension was palpable.

The second half got underway. Just on the hour mark Rodri passed the ball into the net. Another genius player. The relief in Manchester was real. There was a two goal cushion. Surely that was it.

Arsenal were pushing for the crucial second goal. They needed to win their game at the very least and hope Manchester City draw. The odds were stacked against them.

Ashley Young the Everton left back gifted Arsenal the second goal with a squared pass to his centre back that was cut out by the arm of Jesus. VAR incoming.

Havertz scored from the resultant play in the 89th minute. The Gunners were jubilant and proud of their team despite realising that the die was cast.

Michael Oliver the referee went to the pitch monitor and mulling over his own personal bias for a few moments. He laughably gave the decision to award the goal. The Joker by Steve Miller Band.

The reality was that Manchester City were crowned the winners of the Premier League for the fourth consecutive season. An incredible achievement.

If and only if Arsenal buy an out and out centre forward like Ollie Watkins from Aston Villa then they may have a chance of going one better next year.

Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester City

This is the game. The decider. Who it is exactly who wins the Premier League this season? A Spurs win or draw and the title goes to Arsenal. A City win and Pep Guardiola’s team will be on their way to a fourth consecutive Premier League Championship.

It’s all about fine margins. And champagne of course. At least mi casa. It is a Gosset Celebris Vintage 2008. Sarah’s eyes lit up when she saw the bubbles take shape. She played Sign by Tonic Walter and smiled the way she smiles.

Spurs are one of those teams. On their day they can beat anyone. But there is no real heart or identity about them. They are however open and expansive and take risks. I was surprised to see that Kulesevski didn’t start though. He is a dead cert for me.

The game started and straight away you could tell that there was a weird backdrop and context to this game. Certain Tottenham fans wanted a Manchester City win so that Arsenal did not win the title. It was all a bit postmodern.

There were spaces everywhere. You could definitely See Emily Play by Pink Floyd. All over the pitch. Both teams had playmakers. De Bruyne for City and Maddison for Spurs. Rhythms Of Vision by The Walker Brothers.

Both goalkeepers made crucial saves. They were both playing well to their credit. The game was in the balance. The tension was palpable. More so for the Arsenal fans and the Manchester City supporters.

Spurs were in a Weird Space by Boyd.

Haaland was the focal point for the sky blues. Even though he barely touched the ball in the first half. Foden is pure talent. He hovers and spins and looks to break open the oppositions defence.

This has been Foden’s season. He has been one of the best players in the premier league. Haaland is a formidable presence though. And then the inevitable happened. The simplest of tap ins in the 50th minute.

Romero went for a loose ball that was a fifty fifty with Foden. It was a handbag of a tackle. Not even a designer name attached to it. The tackle was the inverse of a Blockbuster by Sweet. Absolutely nothing in it. Foden pushed forward and crossed the ball. It came to De Bruyne who made it so easy for Haaland. Arsenal fans were brokenhearted. Tottenham were ambivalent.

Foundations are everything. Without them all you get is a Ball Of Confusion by The Temptations.

Some of the nonchalance from the players in white must have created a very difficult reality for Ange Postecoglou. He must have been thinking what is happening to the Tottenham fanbase. Everything has gone all Jacques Derrida at White Hart Lane.

Having said that Spurs had three good chances and Ortega who had replaced the injured Ederson in goal made important saves. He was crucial and stopped Spurs from scoring the equaliser. Then in the final minute of normal time Haaland scored a penalty. Manchester City were a heartbeat away from winning the Premier League title.

real madrid vs bayern munich

Trying to win at the Bernabeu Stadium is like trying to make someone called My Name is Death by John Carpenter Cody Carpenter and Daniel Davies smile at a dream workshop. It is a big ask.

This was a big night and big nights need champagne. Sarah brought out the Louis Roederer Cristal 2015. She was wearing a black Ralph Lauren stretch wool blazer with a white shirt and black trousers. Kick off was moments away.

Straight away you saw the disparity. From the kick off Sané lazily passed the ball to his right back only for Vinicius Junior to intercept. Real Madrid were on the move. Ten minutes later the Bayern goalkeeper Neuer is making a world class save to stop Rodrygo opening the scoring.

I love watching Carlo Ancelotti. He always stays calm. His reveal though when he is stressed is he throws more chewing gum into his mouth.

Bayern were playing well and working hard to keep their shape. The problem they had was of course Vinicius Junior. They needed two or three around him at all times and even then it didn’t matter.

The fundamental difference between this performance and Kyllian Mbappe’s last night was that Vinicius Junior is unplayable. There are easy answers for Mbappe. There are no solutions to Junior. Simple as that.

Neuer is a difference maker too. He kept on making saves throughout the second half. Bayern were on the back foot. Then on the break Harry Kane’s cross field ball reached Davies on the left wing. He cut in and scored a wonder goal. What a huge moment in the game. Real were stunned.

Almost immediately Real equalised but the goal was rightly ruled out via VAR. Twenty minutes left. The game was on a knife edge.

Thomas Tuchel was right to Substitute by Ramones the number seven Sané. His defensive contribution was minimal to say the least. Hindsight is a beautiful thing but I would not have taken off Musiala or Kane. A big mistake which had major repercussions.

For me it changed the dynamic and shape of Bayern Munich. The nerves were tangible. The Bayern players knew that they were minutes away from reaching the Champions League Final.

Neuer made a mistake by throwing the ball out to the left wing. He should have kicked it high and long. I am speculating here but if Harry Kane had been on the pitch Neuer would have done exactly that. But because he wasn’t he went to the flanks.

When he saw that Bayern lost possession instantly I believe he was furious with himself for his error.

Sadly for him this triggered an even bigger mistake. He dropped the ball. Drop It Like It’s Hot by Snoop Dogg and Pharrell Williams. Joselu pounced. Real had their equaliser in the 88th minute. Four minutes later VAR overruled the referee’s decision and Joselu scored a second.

The drama didn’t end there though.

In the 12th minute of injury time the linesman raised his flag for an offside which just shouldn’t have happened. The error has been magnified as the referee blew his whistle as the ball was going into the net. Bayern Munich were livid and rightly so. A monumental error in such a high profile game. The match was over. Bayern were out. The real story of the game for me however is the hunger and desire of Vinicius Junior. The best player in the world today.

bayern munich vs real madrid

We watched Jude Bellingham walking around the pitch. Apparently he visualises. He imagines the shapes and moves that will happen out there. Things have come a long way since I played. I don’t even think the word metrics existed in football. The only metrics that appealed to me were the alcoholic ones but you know that already.

Talking of which Sarah was holding the champagne glasses in her hands. She was on top of her game wearing a white lace dress. Bayern Munich are going to need to be the same to have a chance against the colossus known as Real Madrid.

The champagne tonight was a Taittinger Les Folies De La Marquetterie. The Immortal Dub by King Tubby of Thomas Tuchel and Carlo Ancelotti echoed around The Allianz Arena. A Machiavellian melange if ever there was one.

The one thing that struck me immediately was the slow pace of the game. Everything was In Slow Time by Peter Hammill. The football was high quality in spite of that. The ball from the youthful Toni Kroos to Vinicius Junior was sublime. The Brazilian is similar to Luis Suarez in the sense he is a match winner. He has the rare ability to take the game by the scruff of the neck and change the course of events.

The It’s All Over It’s Everywhere by Driver Drive Faster approach to defending by the Bayern defender Kimmich was erratic. His performance on the whole night was difficult. He came across unfortunately as a Dancin’ Fool by Frank Zappa. It is a memory he will have to Grin and Bear by Lali Puna for quite some time.

Sané got the equaliser in the second half. Then moments later the other winger for Bayern Musiala got a penalty. Harry Kane scored in spite of Jude Bellingham whispering sweet nothings in his ear beforehand. I wonder if that was one of his visions.

The Allianz was rocking. A brilliant atmosphere. Bayern were in the lead until the penalty and goal by Vinicius Junior. It brought Real Madrid back level. This means that Bayern have to go to the Santiago Bernabéu Stadium with everything even. It is an understatement to say it will be tough. There is something Inevitable by The Fall about it.

manchester city vs chelsea

Here We Are (Once Again) by Okkyung Lee enjoying a Louis Roederer Cristal 2014. A warm sunny Saturday afternoon.

Wearing a beautiful black beret Sarah changed the groove and unleashed Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution by AC/DC. She was enjoying the pre match warm up and started playing French Disko by Stereolab.

It was FA Cup day. The semi final.

A day that would Fade to Blue by Ben Böhmer but which shade of blue would it be? The sky blue of Manchester or the royal blue of Chelsea.

This was a day that nobody wanted to be a Loser by Ed Droste, Binki Shapiro and Friends. Chelsea started well. They matched Manchester City and they had a good intensity and shape about them.

I was particularly impressed with their two full backs Gusto and Cucurella. There was The Rebellion by Yubik about Chelsea.

It looked like Pochettino had turned the corner and switched on the motivation and cohesion modules in the young Chelsea players’ brains. This was going to be a good match.

The Sky Blues were without Haaland but it was good to see Alvarez on from the start. City grabbed hold of the game at Wembley Stadium with their Rhythm and Rhymes by Olli Ahvenlahti. De Bruyne at the heart of everything.

To Chelsea’s credit they stood firm and hit City on the break. If Nicolas Jackson had more composure and experience he would have scored. He is obviously still learning his trade.

It was looking more and more likely that the game would go into extra time. That is until Doku and De Bruyne combined to create a goal scoring chance for Bernardo Silva. Manchester City were in front in the 83rd minute. Chelsea kept going and still had chances to equalise.

Chilwell was through on the left wing and all he had to do was put the ball in the box for Raheem Stirling to finish and score but incredibly Chilwell delayed. The pass was eventually intercepted.

The lack of remorse on Chilwell’s face was beyond shocking to me. He could have saved the day for his team. He didn’t seem to care. He didn’t even apologise to his team mate ready to strike. A goal that would have taken the game to extra time. Maybe he was angry that he was only a substitute. The dark webs of football and ego.

Chelsea will be a real force next season. They have a solid foundation to build on with that team. Their cup pursuits for this season are however for now put on hold.

A day in the life of Erling Haaland

Sarah swayed. She said she was Dancing on Clouds by Markus Stockhausen, Nguyên Lê and Bodek Janke. She was smiling as she revealed that apparently sales in champagne are seriously down.

Not in this establishment. That is for sure I replied.

The champagne was a Bruno Paillard N.P.U. New Plus Ultra Rosé 2008. We were watching the return match of Manchester City against Real Madrid. The second leg was delicately poised. To wheel out the cliché. The cinema of two superstar clubs looking to go through to the semi finals of the Champions League.

Manchester City dominated the possession and the play without breaking down the dogged defence of Real Madrid. The sloppy defending by Kyle Walker particularly gifted Real the goal that emboldened them to defend and to try and hold on. In the end in this context the game always come down to fine margins. The format and the structure creates that dynamic. Predictable really.

De Bruyne got one back thanks to excellent wing play from Doku who replaced Grealish. The Belgian playmaker really should have finished the game off but he skied the ball over the bar. Extra time and penalties were looming.

The snapshot of the penalty taker is fascinating. You see the fear scrolling through their eyes in real time. This Is Nowhere by The Black Keys. Those slowed down moments before the run up. The pressure is infinite. There is no warm up. No priming. No Preparation. One shot. One Chance. Lose Yourself by Eminem expresses it perfectly. The once in the lifetime split second crawls like instinct across the eyes of Antonio Rüdiger. He scores the goal and Real are through. Manchester City are out of the Champions League.

I got up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head. Paul McCartney showtime vocal is in the air.

Got to feel for Haaland today. The day after the match. The thoughts going through his head while he is combing his hair. A shocker. On so many levels.

Manchester City lost the game to Real Madrid. To make matters worse he was substituted in the ninetieth minute before extra time ensued.

Football managers are like music producers. They like to control everything. They want to minimise the risk. What they don’t realise is that their attention is flawed. For example Alvarez. He should be on from the start. His being there helps Haaland but crucially it also increases the intensity of the forward play. With control comes codes which are utterly predictable. It’s a trade off. Erling Haaland will be trying to comb out the pain of that today.

The Premier League Title Is A Moot point

Sarah put on Touch The Leather by Fat White Family. She knew that this game was Pandora by Wisp for both teams.

No matter how you look at it. Old Trafford is always difficult for Liverpool. Klopp and his boys need to keep the crowd quiet and desperate. Don’t give them hope. Liverpool are in fantastic shape. Manchester United’s soul is lost. They are in freefall. They don’t know who they are. Liverpool don’t have that problem.

The champagne was opened. A bottle of Billecart - Salmon 2008. The delight of the ritual of the glasses clinking. Kick off was seconds away.

First things first. The Red Devil’s kit is so much better than Liverpool’s green number. The away kit for Liverpool is abominable and off putting to say the least. Aesthetically at least Manchester United are streets ahead.

Not in the football though. Their midfield are predominantly man markers. There is no strategy or vision. Just mark your man wherever he is Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac. It is very strange and unsettling.

Liverpool got into their stride. Onana making a great save to stop Szoboszlai scoring a goal. It was only a matter of time and Diaz scored from a corner after a brilliant lay off from Nunez. Manchester United just cannot defend corners. Diaz was completely unmarked.

Liverpool were peppering the United goal with shot after shot in the first half. So much so that Onana decided to hit the vaseline and put it on his gloves. Grease is the reality for the goalkeeper. That is the first time I have seen that on a football pitch. Whatever it takes to keep the ball out of the net. It was hard to see how Liverpool were not already two or three goals ahead at half time but there was still only one goal in it. Will they pay the price for that profligacy in front of goal?

The second half began the same as the first. Liverpool pushing for that second goal. But then a major turning point.

Bruno Fernandes scored a stunning goal. He was almost on the halfway line and he hit a loose ball first time over the outstretched arms of the stranded Kelleher.Manchester United were somehow level. It was a wonderful goal. And a massive error from the young centre back Quansah.

The atmosphere was transformed all of a sudden. What a gift for the Red Devils. The home crowd had hope. This might not be football carnage from the red side of Merseyside. For the first time in the match Manchester United were in the game. It got even better for the home fans.

Out of the blue Mainoo scored a wonder goal. With his back to the goal he swivelled and slotted the ball into the top corner from the edge of the area. Klopp was beyond shocked. He was furiously urging his players to start talking to each other.

Salah kept on pushing for the equaliser. A severe case of firing blanks. It was obvious that Liverpool were badly missing Diego Jota. He definitely makes a difference to their attack.

Fortunately for the Reds they got a penalty and Salah put it away. However it has to be said he never puts his penalties in the corner so if I was a goalkeeper I would be looking at that.

The game finished in a draw. Klopp was devastated. He knew that this was two significant points lost. A massive moment in the pursuit of the Premier League title which is now a deeply moot point for Liverpool.

newcastle vs west ham utd

The Magpies against The Hammers. It sounds like a line from a Ted Hughes poem. It is Saturday. The sun is shining and the football is about to begin.

Both David Moyes and Eddie Howe are struggling to convince their fanbases. Disgruntlement and overreaction is everywhere. Both of them are Crosseyed and Painless by Talking Heads in their respective dugouts. Both sets of fans are hungry for success and want to finish in the European places.

Sarah was focused on the music. She was wearing a neon orange and yellow dress. Apparently it was neon pop. It was most definitely bright. She started playing Bloodbuzz Ohio by The National while smiling at my fashionable ignorance in her sea of colour.

Next up was Spooky by Dusty Springfield. The champagne was Petit Meslier By A. Bergère. Music and champagne at the same time. Life’s Been Good by Joe Walsh was coming out of the speakers. And it still is.

St. James’ Park was excited. Within two minutes Anthony Gordon had won a penalty by being an absolute nuisance. He is a really good player and has the same vibe as Diaz from Liverpool. Just busy and endless energy. Isak took the perfect penalty and already West Ham were chasing the game.

The game was purring nicely when simple as you like Pacqueta dinked a ball over the top and the static central Newcastle defence were left chasing the Antonio. Another brilliant powerhouse of a player but unfortunately coming to the end of his career. A great goal.

Bruno Guimarães looks so comfortable in the premier league in the centre of midfield. His shot from outside the area hit the bar. But then out of nowhere Kudus was fouled by Schar who stayed down holding his face. West Ham took the free kick quickly and Mohammed Kudus scored. St. James’ Park was apoplectic but the goal stood. Newcastle were losing. And Schar was wishing he had got up quicker.

Sarah put on Poptones by Public Image Ltd. and we poured more champagne into our empty glasses ready for the second half. It got worse for Newcastle. Their defence went awol looking for the equaliser. The woeful defending and the wide open clichés are on everyone’s lips. West Ham hit them on the break and Jarred Bowen put the ball in the net to make it three goals to one. The magpies were in trouble.

The black and whites kept pushing for a way back into the game. Anthony Gordon doing his best busy wasp impression succeeded in getting a second penalty when Phillips brought him down in the area. Isak scored from the penalty and Newcastle were back in it. Could they somehow get the equaliser?

They could and they did. Isak with the loveliest of through balls put Harvey Barnes through on goal. He made it three a piece. St. James’ Park was rocking. Then the place erupted when Barnes scored a world class goal that reminded me of Dennis Bergkamp. The Magpies were in front with minutes to go. West Ham were punch drunk. They just couldn’t believe what was happening.

Newcastle managed to hold on. The fans were jubilant. But there was some Dark Ecstasy by Toner as Anthony Gordon was sent off for kicking the ball away in the last minute. Silly wasp. He won’t be playing football in the next game but making some Beautiful Jam by Grateful Dead.

england vs brazil

England and France are joint favourites for the 2024 European Championships in Germany. Both have a world of talent player wise. There is however a stark difference between managers. Didier Deschamps is in my opinion a winner whereas Gareth Southgate is somewhat wishy washy.

If I was über rich like the musician Drake I would look at Germany and Portugal as the potential champions to place my bet. It is going to be really close. It will not be about Testosterone by Omega Male. It will not be about the celebrity of the players. Teamwork and motivation will be key. For me the European Championships will be another Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve for England.

Sarah got things set up perfectly with a good feel tune. It was Pinie by Parra for Cuva and orbit. It went perfectly with the champagne. A Gosset Célébris Blanc De Blancs 2014.

The big news for England was that Harry Kane was injured. I was disappointed to see John Stones playing at centre back. I much prefer him in the midfield the way Pep Guardiola uses him.

The Three Lions were pressing high and showing good energy but little by little Brazil were growing into the game. This would be a good test for England.

Vinicius Junior was through on goal by out pacing Kyle Walker but the shot was weak and the defender was able to snuff out the danger. However Walker tweaked his hamstring in the process.

The English defence is problematic. It lacks pace and balance. Gareth Southgate was an extremely good centre half so he understands that position. If I was him I would have Jarell Quansah from Liverpool linked up with Braithwaite from Everton and have Stones as the protection for the back four. Ben Chilwell at left back is not ideal either. He is not good enough at this level.

England were trying to increase the intensity and speed of their play which was nice to see but Brazil were competitive giving England no space.

Anthony Gordon was playing well on his debut for the home team. The Brazilian Pacqueta was shining bright for his team although he should have been sent off.

The Portuguese referee was incredibly kind to Brazil to put it mildly. It does amaze me that there is nothing you can do when people are oblivious to bias. Bellingham is world class but he needs to be supported in that English midfield. Brazil were busy and effective.

The game in the second half was tight. Both teams having opportunities but Brazil were controlling the game. Brazil looked fitter and freer than England.

The problem with the England team is that they do not have a top gear. It gives the opposing team a big lift and the seventeen year old Endrick raced forward during a Brazilian counter attack. England were exposed again at the back. He had the simplest of tap ins on his debut for Brazil. What a moment for him. The boy is Poetry In Motion by SiR and Anderson and .Paak. His future looks good. However the omens for Southgate and England are not good. The Three Lions are vaguely pleasing but woefully pedestrian. Southgate needs to be Fearless by Pink Floyd but that is never going to happen. Sarah put on Walensee - Mixed by Einmusik to finish off the music and brighten things up.

the frisson of the FA Cup

Time Has Come Today by The Chambers Brothers. The rules will change one way or another for Ten Hag today. Make or break. Liverpool are strong favourites. There is no doubt about that. Sarah was hoping for a classic but was worried it would be another damp dud of a game. She put on Sparks by Tobias Bergson. It was a sunny afternoon and out came The Unveiling by As One of the Rare Millésime Rosé 2008. The champagne was sparkling and ready to be enjoyed.

United started well and there was a nice tension to the game. Klopp was relaxed and smiling. Ten Hag had his best suit on and was far from relaxed knowing that his job was basically on the line. The consequences of losing this game would be that the season and his role as manager would be over. You could touch the F.E.A.R. by Ian Brown.

Very pleased to see Garnacho starting and it paid off for Ten Hag as his forward play set up the goal for McTominay to score early on in the game. Was there a cup upset on the cards? You could see the relief and joy on the faces of the Manchester United players. They were given some hope.

Both teams were up for this. It was striking that Manchester United were actually playing well but also that Liverpool soaked up the pressure. They took everything in their stride. They exuded the confidence of champions. It was also completely shocking to see how much space there was in the midfield. The game was so open.

Both teams were throwing punches but you could see Liverpool growing into the game after the first half hour. It was looking ominous for the red devils. The Liverpool centre back Quansah is a really exciting rolls royce of a player. He strolled and waltzed through the opposition midfield as though it wasn’t there. Cutting open the defence in a heartbeat. MacAllister scored for Liverpool. The lack of intensity and aggression in the Manchester midfield was mind-blowing. Game on.

It got even worse for the fans at Old Trafford as they saw their team insanely try to play out from defence in the dying minutes of the first half. Salah gratefully scored the second goal for Liverpool. Klopp the Leaders of Men by Joy Division was smiling knowing that his team were leading at the end of the first half. Disastrous for the red devils. The second half could be devastating for Manchester United.

Liverpool were in cruise control after the break. They could sense blood. Nunez was purring. You thought it was only a matter of time. Manchester United looked punch drunk. Liverpool were in total control of the game. They were pushing for that third killer goal in that pulsing rain. Sarah said she would play Bless The Weather by John Martyn after the game.

Both managers made substitutions. Ten Hag was bold and brought on Maguire and Anthony. Both of these players changed the game instantaneously.

Inexplicably Jurgen Klopp was fearful. He made a fatal error. He destroyed the balance and momentum of the team by his substitutions. He took off Salah, Szoboszlai and Robertson around the seventy minute mark. He prioritised the fitness of his players above the game management.

Crucially it gave Garnacho a chance to run at Connor Bradley. Anthony received the ball in the box and with a clever turn scored the equaliser for Manchester United in the final minutes of the game.

The Old Trafford faithful were delirious with joy and relief. The second half had been torturous for Ten Hag’s players to say the least. Liverpool couldn’t believe it. There was still time for more drama as both Elliot for Liverpool and Rashford for Manchester almost got last gasp winners for their side. Extra time loomed. As did the opening of the second bottle of champagne.

Manchester United were a different team. They were no longer shell shocked. Both teams now were going for the jugular. It was high tempo and high intensity. A great match that was finely poised.

Harvey Elliot broke the deadlock and scored to make it 3 - 2 to Liverpool at the end of the first half of extra time. The pendulum had swung again. That is until a bad error by Nunez who gave the ball to the excellent McTominay who laid it off for Rashford. The number ten gleefully scored the equaliser. Penalties were a possibility or was there more drama to come?

Liverpool had a corner when Harvey Elliot lost the ball to the excellent Diallo. He played in Garnacho who had been superb in this game. Running the full length of the pitch he passed it to Amad Diallo who put the ball in the corner of the goal. Unbelievable scenes. Tantric joy at Old Trafford. Diallo took off his shirt and let the fans know he was Having A Party by Lee Scratch Perry and Steve Marshall before he was sent off for his second yellow. The shock and relief was tangible. The favourites were out and Ten Hag was back in.

liverpool vs manchester city

Whoever wins today will probably win the Premier League. Sarah put on The Player - Extended Mix by Booka Shade to get the groove going. Liverpool against Manchester City. Arsenal will be hoping for a draw. It is going to be tight. Too close to call.

Liverpool’s defence is inexperienced with only Van Dijk a first team regular. Manchester City are not set up to defend. They don’t really know how. Whoever defends well will win this game.

First things first Champagne. A Dom Ruinart Blanc De Blancs. Sarah and I clinked glasses as Connor Bradley showed everyone how good a young player he really is. A wonderful right back. Straight away it was clear the Liverpool midfield had more numbers in there with the high defensive line that Liverpool play. Kevin De Bruyne is a brilliant player but he is not going to press and close down the ball.

If Nunez had timed his run better Liverpool would be ahead in cruise control but he was offside. Liverpool have a better shape and are better organised even though Manchester City have the better footballers.

Players seem to be more programmed these days. They are less intuitive than my generation. The corner in from De Bruyne was a simple pass along the goal line. Zonal marking is about as useful as postmodernist thought. John Stones who was unmarked left Nunez in a Daydream by Wallace Collection. Stones just stepped forward and side footed the ball into the net. Liverpool’s defending was naive and poor to the extreme. A shocking goal to concede. A pure giveaway.

Manchester City were in the lead but it was clear that their defence has more holes in it than Swiss Cheese. Szoboszlai had a free header and should have scored. Luis Diaz looked like a Hungry Mouse by In the Clouds.

Liverpool were the better team even though they were losing. Manchester City just seem to lose their potency in situations like these. They lack leaders and it may cost them the league title. Ake duly obliged with a hospital back pass to his goalkeeper. A definite penalty and MacAllister despatched it perfectly. To make things worse Ederson injured himself in the challenge on Nunez and had to be substituted.

The teams were level. Anfield was jubilant and the crowd was lifted. Manchester City were in trouble. Liverpool were up for it and in the ascendancy. Salah was finally on the pitch. City were Holding On by The War On Drugs. The drama was intense in a high quality game especially when Doku hit the post for City. It was close but Liverpool should have had another penalty at the end. Either side could have won at the end. One thing is clear though. Nunez was majestic while Haaland was never really in the game. On that evidence Sarah and I think Liverpool will win the League title. Heavens Will Fall by Natascha Polké in both Manchester and London.

the ballad of phil and marcus

Sarah was already twirling round and dancing to BONITA by The South Hill Experiment and Buck Raines. She was excited. The Manchester Derby was a big game for both teams. A Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash.

City needed a win to stay in the mix for the Premier League title. Next week was Liverpool and then comes Arsenal. The three contenders. United needed to play well and get a result even though the odds were stacked against them. United have no identity.

The champagne was flowing. We were getting somewhere with Henri Girard Fût De Chêne MV17. The bottle was already on the way out and the match hadn’t even started. Thankfully there were two bottles.

The atmosphere was electric. It was great to see John Stones playing. He is truly one of the best there is and extremely underrated. Manchester City were confident and pushing forward. Then came the kick in the teeth.

Onana kicked the ball long and Fernandes playing in the false number nine role which suits him perfectly laid off the ball for Marcus Rashford who put the ball in the back of the net from outside the area. A world class goal.

The goal came from out of the blue. Although it has to be said Kyle Walker put up his hand appealing for offside. Or was he asking for a lollipop. A very sorry state of affairs as he left the centre back isolated. Poor defensive awareness from Walker and Klopp will be drooling in anticipation. City do leave holes at the back. And for once United were playing well. They were well drilled with a good shape about them.

City were pushing for the equaliser with chances for Foden and Rodri. The biggest opportunity was for Haaland. An unbelievable miss. A sitter. Why does he always tries to use his feet?

A certain Denis Law would have scored convincingly with a diving header. He was a player with Sound and Vision by David Bowie. I raised my glass to the true legend of Law who played for both of these teams. I wonder if Haaland has even heard of the great man. He could definitely learn from him.

Despite all the pressure from City. United were compact and defending well. They couldn’t find the equaliser in the first half.

Marcus Rashford was through on goal and ahead of Kyle Walker. He was running towards the Manchester City area but there was nothing in the tank. It was shambolic from Rashford and he tried to play for a foul when he should have bullied Walker off the ball. It was a turning point in the game.

Literally a minute later Phil Foden scored a wonder goal from outside the area. Again it has to be said. Poor defending. Lindelof looked sluggish and tired and was in the shadows of the City player. This match was becoming the story of Phil and Marcus.

United were still in it though and had openings and chances despite the City pressure. The tide turned when Foden and Alvarez did a brilliant give and go. Foden made it look easy scoring his second goal.

City were in the lead and it was predominantly from the work rate and sheer talent of Phil Foden. Haaland got the third goal from some diabolical playing out from the back from United.

Going on the evidence of this football match Marcus Rashford is waning. He will be Glad and Sorry by Faces. Glad he scored a stunning goal. Sorry he performed rather badly after that. Phil Foden is becoming one of a kind. He is at the top of his game. A real Stella Blue by Grateful Dead.

waiting for godot at wembley stadium

It went all a bit waiting for Godot for Pochettino at Wembley Stadium. Or should I say waiting for penalties. It was scorchingly existentialist when I saw the Chelsea huddle. The War Cry by Mont Rouge and Sasson (FR). I looked at them and saw a gang of whippersnappers. There was not one leader amongst them. I was so shocked I downed my first glass of Dom Pérignon Vintage 2013 in one. Something was off and it wasn’t the champagne.

Klopp’s first team was without Salah, Nunez, Jota and Szoboszlai. The bench was full of unknown kids from the third team.

Early on in the game Ben Chilwell was demonstrating with his arms random style as though he was saying to his fellow Chelsea players lift your game. This tellytubby gesture wasn’t a good look.

The warning signs were on full display.

Liverpool had a free kick. Van Dijk and Konate were at the end of the Chelsea defensive line. Konate was completely unmarked. If Mourinho was watching he would be thinking someone must have spiked my drink to put me through this football Goya. This sporting Dante.

The veils of football reality were slipping.

Chelsea were the antithesis of commitment. The lack of synergy and unity in the first half was astonishing. No sugar whatsoever. Zero interplay. The Blues improved in the second half and after Van Dijk’s disallowed goal. They were finally in the ascendancy.

Klopp brought on three more youngsters with five minutes to go in the ninety minutes. Chelsea for once looked in control of the game.

Extra time loomed. A second bottle of champagne was opened. Sarah put on Not Fake by Modern English and then followed rather tellingly with Suicide Solution by Ozzy Osbourne.

This was the Ionesco moment. The theatre of the absurd sprang into life. It appeared that instead of continuing the momentum that was finally achieved by the players. The Chelsea manager decided his players needed to back off and play for the penalties. He felt the players were tired. Almost Gareth Southgate like from Pochettino. Both will be remembered for the same thing. The absence of the winning mentality. The lack of purpose. Sarah was howling with laughter by now.

The whole period of extra time had a schoolboy feel to it. Extraordinary. You see a free header being handed to Van Dijk at the near post. A great header. Puppy defending from Chelsea. The tragedy is complete as Pochettino bends over doing his ultimate King Lear impression.

The gulf between the gutless nature of the Chelsea team in extra time compared to the heartfelt and spirited approach from the Liverpool youngsters was infinite. The breaking news just in is that Mourinho has put himself in rehab as he believes he has become an Edgar Allan Poe nightmare. We hope he gets well soon.

Liverpool deserved it. The youngsters have transformed their lives overnight.

The Chelsea players are in The Blue Land by Matthieu Bordenave. It is going to be extremely difficult for them to deal with the Melancholia by Arne Henriksen and Carmen Fraanje that they see in the eyes of the Chelsea fans. Almost unbearable. All that jazz and absolutely nothing to show for it.

newcastle vs bournemouth

Bournemouth are busy Getting Better by The Beatles. There is no doubt about that. The first brushstroke surface analysis of the game to come is that Newcastle are slow and ponderous at the back. They lack pace and guile. Conversely in Semenyo and Solanke Bournemouth have lots of strength and pace.

Sarah smiled as she poured the William Deutz Millésimé champagne into the two grateful glasses then proceeded to put on Pop Pop Pop by Idles.

Newcastle started well. On the front foot. However it still astonishes me. If you are an attacker you are always taught to attack the ball.

I see less and less of that.

The ball came into the box and Anthony Gordon let it come through to him. A good opportunity missed for Newcastle.

Then in a heartbeat Kluivert is released and strolls past Burn as if he wasn’t there laying the ball off to Solanke who should have scored. It was a good save by Dubravka. Honestly though Newcastle are defensively naked. Solanke should have scored again but was foiled by another good save by Dubravka.

It was a game of two halves for Dubravka. He had a good first half. Sadly for him the second half was a shocker. First he slipped on the turf to allow Solanke to stroke the ball home. Secondly he didn’t get near the shot from Semenyo to give Bournemouth their second goal. He went down like a falling tree in The Forest by The Cure.

Newcastle managed to get the equaliser back to 1 -1 by the slow torture of the four and a half minutes var penalty check. Why on earth the Bournemouth defender Adam Smith was pulling on the shirt is beyond me. Gordon dispatched the penalty.

Minutes later Semenyo made things look so easy. With speed and power aplenty he shot on the edge of the area and scored. He is a player with a big future.

Then in extra time Matt Ritchie the ex Bournemouth player scored the second equaliser and viciously mauled the corner flag in his joy at scoring such a vital goal. There were no qualms about celebrating against his former team.

Bournemouth were Avant Garde by Madeaux and Rhea Robertson. They were the away team. They kept the home team second guessing. Bournemouth are buzzing. They played brilliantly. Committing players forward.

Newcastle were nutmegged at home and were featureless and flat. They are in the never never land of Enter Sandman by Alessia Cara and The Warning.

Tottenham Hotspur vs Brighton

We like both of these teams. They are football based. They both lack discipline by always playing high risk football from the back. Both managers it seems say it’s ok to make mistakes. Despite that football is their focus and their endeavour. Both teams have the players to change a game in a heartbeat of high quality.

Sarah picked the champagne tonight. It was L’Aphrodisiaque by David Léclapart. As we clinked glasses the thought crossed my mind that maybe she was trying to tell me something. Thankfully she put on Ease by Christian Löffler and Johannes Brecht and took the edge off my denial. She upped the distraction with a smile and playing Papertrip by Wallace.

The mirrors and shapes of both midfields are strong. Why Chelsea let Billy Gilmour go to Brighton is beyond me. He is a top player alongside Gross and Lallana. The midfield of Spurs is similar with Sarr and Bentancur. Lots of mistakes in there but when they get it right it is sublime. Maddison is a player.

Brighton are always bright so it was no surprise when the ever improving and injury free Wellbeck snatched the ball after a poor touch by van de Ven in Brighton’s half. Wellbeck ran to the opposing goal and would have scored if it wasn’t for a fine save by Vicario in goal.

Just minutes later Spurs were playing short hospital balls in their own penalty box. Self harm at the highest level. Maddison was too easily dispossessed. It was obvious van den Ven was not having a good day as he fouled Wellbeck in the area and Gross neatly dispatched the penalty. The seagulls were in front.

Maddison almost made up for his error with a gorgeous through ball to Richarlison. But the forward couldn’t finish. Both Brighton and Spurs kept pushing for the goal. Both sides being open and reckless in defensive situations.

Sarr eventually got the breakthrough goal to level for Spurs. London Calling by The Clash.

The game was on a knife edge now. Both teams were going for the winner. Both teams were pushing. Both teams were getting closer to the second goal.

Then after some lovely interplay between Richarlison and Son the ball was crossed to Brennan Johnson who duly scored in the 96th minute. Very harsh on Brighton who had played well and could have won it. It wasn’t to be.

Spurs walked away with all three points. For Brighton You Can’t Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones. No matter how hard they tried.

arsenal vs liverpool

This is a classic fixture. Arsenal needed to make up for their limp performance in the FA cup a few weeks ago. First things first though. Mauve. Mauve is a Mervyn Peake gothic colour. I have absolutely no idea what is going through the minds of the people who design these football kits. Is It Real by Oliver Koletzki and Malou Somehow pivoting in the dead end of bad fashion. The kind of fashion made to Help Me Lose My Mind by Disclosure and London Grammar.

The champagne today is a lovely Gosset Grand Reserve. Sarah was listening to Sickly Sweet by NewDad just before the kick off. We were both relaxed and hoping for sunday football at it’s best.

Disappointed that Nunez was not playing. If he was good enough to be on the bench then he is good enough to start surely. The Liverpool midfield looked lightweight too without Szoboszlai in there.

The game started well with Arsenal pressing high. The Arsenal keeper David Raya set Martinelli racing down the wing. Konate was flagging in slow motion.

The cross was perfect. Somehow Saka lost his wings. He couldn’t head the ball. He didn’t fling himself.

Every kid in School by Supertramp dreams of scoring diving headers. That one didn’t happen.

Arsenal had started well with high intensity. Working hard off the ball. Then it got even better with a beautiful through ball from Odegaard to Havertz which Saka finished this time. Arsenal were in the lead after fourteen minutes.

The gunners dominated the first half but then on the stroke of half time as Saliba shielded the ball hoping that Raya would pounce on the ball. Diaz snook in and poked the ball home off Martinez. A goalkeeping error.

Arsenal wanted to win this game. You could see that in the second half. They kept pushing. Liverpool were pushing forward. It was obvious they missed Salah and Nunez.

They had no out ball. No long ball over the top.

Then out of the blue Van Dijk decided to not head the ball. He let the ball bounce like a Watcher of the Skies by Genesis. The number one error for a centre back. Never let the ball bounce if you can head it.

Defensive calamities ensued. Kai Havertz not known for his physicality managed to shoulder charge Van Dijk as Alisson came rushing out leaving an empty goal for Martinelli to score. Arsenal were buoyant.

I like the way Klopp is not afraid to make risky substitutions. Bringing on Thiago. Hoping that he will make a telling through ball and get the equaliser. Unfortunately for Klopp Konate was sent off for a second yellow and soon after Trossard skipped past Elliot and put the ball through Alisson’s legs. Terrible goalkeeping. A Breakthrough by Atomic Rooster for Arsenal. Arteta was ecstatic.

They are back in the title race but can they be The Persuaders by John Barry. That remains to be seen.

Chelsea vs Middlesborough

Full confession. Full disclosure. Sarah is dressed in blue tonight. She puts on American X by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Playing it loud she pours two glasses of Nicolas Feuillatte Blue Label Brut. It felt good to chink the glasses together.

Chelsea have been really pure Dubious Goals Committee by Projector this season. All that money forked out. Talent. Youth. Nothing coming together. No connections. Just individuals. Just Trying To Relax by Redolent.

However it was one individual who sparked the game for Chelsea tonight. Ben Chilwell.

Injuries have held him back but tonight he made the difference. He fed the ball deliciously into Sterling who started to show some of his old guile. Fifteen minutes in Chelsea have scored courtesy of an own goal. You could see the relief on the faces of the Chelsea players.

Middlesborough made it so easy for Chelsea. They went to Chelsea trying to play from the back and trying to match them technique wise. Wrong tactics completely. Michael Carrick is a good manager and was a great player but he has got the same purist virus that Mikel Arteta has. They don’t understand the freaks. Everything is beautiful with the purists.

Football needs freaks as much as technique. Players who work together and create unreal patterns all over the pitch. Footballers who are on fire and making music with the ball underneath the floodlights. Exposed to Some Light by Nightbus. Far far away from the doctrine drinkers.

Mauricio Pochettino has worked hard to not drown in the deep waves of mediocrity. He has asked for patience. Tonight was a big deal. No more growing pains. He needed to get his team into a cup final. Probably to face Liverpool at Wembley. This was it.

Sterling linked up beautifully with Disasi to lay off a simple goal for Fernández. Chelsea were two nil up. The third goal was made and finished by the full back Disasi. Too easy. Cole Palmer dispossessed the Middlesborough defender to make it 4 - O before half time.

The second half was a walk in the park for Chelsea. Palmer and Madueke finishing with aplomb.

I was glad to see Rogers getting a goal for Middlesborough. He looks like a player and will hopefully have a bright future. Celebration by Madonna and Benny Benassi for Chelsea. Their day in Wembley will come for these young guns.

The sum is bigger than the parts.

the panto season

Paint The Town Red by Doja Cat was playing through the speakers. I was pouring Ruinart Blanc de Blancs Champagne Second Skin for Sarah and I. Thinking about the Manchester United versus Liverpool game. Still miffed that we weren’t going to be watching that specific game.

Sarah said there was no way that she was going to watch a major bore draw. I tried to fight my corner but she just gave me the look.

I passed her the glass and saw that she was dressed as a referee coming into to the tune Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by The Beatles.

Is this a new line for Victoria’s Secret? I said with a big smile on my face.

Sarah raised her glass and said to Rebecca Welch the first woman to referee a premier league match. A nice touch I said. But what game are we going to watch?

Sarah said for some random reason. I’m getting a Brentford vibe.

I didn’t dare ask why I just took another sip and went with the vibe. I Might Be Wrong by Radiohead but Sarah is more often than not right.

Brentford were playing Aston Villa. Brentford are always so organised. They were set up to stop and frustrate Aston Villa. A really good defensive shape and to be a goal up by half time. Things were looking good for Brentford. Villa were in trouble.

It was all going so well until for some reason Ben Mee lunged into a tackle with both his feet off the ground. David Coote the actual referee gave him a yellow. Sarah stood up and screamed out. Straight red. Red Right Hand by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds.

I must admit I had to agree. VAR intervened and the yellow was converted to a red card. That was in the 71st minute.

Immediately the space in the game opened up and six minutes later Aston Villa equalised with a header on the back post from Moreno. Now Brentford were in trouble. Villa were looking for the win.

Villa had a corner and there was a lovely flick on from Kamara and Ollie Watkins headed the ball into the back of the net.

Aston Villa were leading by two goals to one. Then reality shifted. That is when the pantomime season kicked off big time.

When Watkins scored he stood in the goal and pointed at a fan and then about ten footballers from both sides brought their handbags to the goal line. Sarah was dishing imaginary yellow cards out all over the place. She hated their handbags.

Villa were impressive and to be honest in the best form in the title race. One of the main reasons for them being title contenders is the quality of the goalkeeper Martinez. That is the positive aspect.

However Neal Maupay and Emiliano Martinez created one of the greatest pantomime sequences in premier league history so far. Maupay laughably bodychecked Martinez when the ball was out of play. Martinez went down as though he was shot. Holding his stomach in pain like a five year old. Maupay was laughing.

Minutes later Martinez retaliated by pushing Maupay gently in the back as he passed him. Maupay collapsed and outdid his protagonist by acting like a three year old doing a rag doll impression. Punch and Judy would have been horrified.

Sarah was in full referee mode in the resulting scuffle and again called another red card. This time for Kamara.

The two opposing managers were each given a yellow card and ten players in all were booked.

That was truly insane I said laughing at the end of the game but mark my words Aston Villa are definitely outside title contenders.

By the way what knickers are you wearing with your referee outfit?

Sarah put on Yellow by Coldplay.

aston villa vs arsenal

Football is The Big Escape by Orgone. Joey Barton the former footballer has piped up about women’s cultural envy In The Game by Exit North. Everyone is angry about being Cuttin Out by Donovan. Although I must say Sarah does rile me the way she is able to not only predict the winner. She can even predict the scoreline. The woman has never kicked a ball in her life. I asked her how she does it and she just gives me that look and said I stroke my imaginary phallus and the scores just jump out of me.

She does make me laugh. Especially when she dances to Making Plans For Nigel by XTC.

Laughter and champagne is needed right now. I poured her some Krug Grand Cuvée 169e Edition and life was momentarily good.

Arsenal are seen as title contenders but I just don’t see it. Jesus Gabriel is a good player but he is not a centre forward. If Arsenal had one of their genius forwards from before like Thierry Henry or Ian Wright then yes they would win the title. But as it stands now they are solely a top four team. That may change if they buy a nailed down centre forward in the January transfer window.

Aston Villa have a much more balanced team with the likes of Ollie Watkins and Leon Bailey. Similarly, John McGinn is turning into a proper attacking midfielder. Unai Emery the former Arsenal coach is creating something special at Aston Villa.

The game was not a classic. Arsenal had all the possession. Aston Villa hit on the break in the seventh minute with a lovely flowing move and John McGinn despatched the ball into the back of the Arsenal net. Arsenal huffed and puffed. Zinchenko, Saka, Martinelli, Jesus and Ødegaard all worked hard trying to break down the rearguard but to no avail.

Having said that the handball law is an ass. Both the defender Cash and the attacker Havertz handled the ball inadvertently. However due to the law the only handball that counts is the attacking player therefore the goal was disallowed. The goal should have stood. Arteta already in the stands for poor discipline was livid as usual. He does have a point in my opinion. Although he is morphing into Captain Scarlet in a major way.

For me the title is between Liverpool and Manchester City. Manchester City have a problem. Without Kevin De Bruyne and Gundogan they are just not the same team. They just don’t have the same Colors by Beck. Liverpool are lightweight in midfield. Aston Villa are big outsiders. They play Liverpool in May. That for me is the title decider. Maybe it is too early to say. Tomorrow Never Knows by The Beatles.

mancity vs spurs

One More Night by Rich Vom Dorf, The Luv under the drizzle of rain and the floodlights at The Etihad in Manchester. It is a chance to switch off from reality.

Then out come Tottenham Hotspur flying in the face of fashion with their away kit. Time to play World Shut Your Mouth by Julian Cope.

The fast tempo high press was on show from the start and a delight to see from both teams. Football at full pelt.

Doku is electric going forward but for some reason he becomes solid and treacle slow when he is asked to defend. Son just glides past him and scores the first goal. The Manchester City goalkeeper was poor as well. Ederson let the ball roll under his belly. Something that should Never by Ron Flatter happen to a goalkeeper.

Bizarrely Son didn’t want to be outshone by Doku’s woeful defending so a few minutes later he put the goal in his own net in the interests of equivalence.

The frantic and the fizz kept on coming as Haaland missed an open goal. Lovely intricate play from both sides. It went so well with the Champagne. A Bollinger Special Cuvée. The two touch football didn’t stop and Foden put a simple tap in to make it 2 - 1 to Manchester City.

The second half was more of the same high risk football. Lo Celso scoring from a sweet strike from outside the area.

The yoyo kept on keeping on as Jack Grealish scored after a lay off from Haaland. And then in a heartbeat Kulusevski scored a header in the ninetieth minute. Three goals a piece. Surely that was it.

Just to give an added frisson to the proceedings the referee Simon Hooper decided to let the play flow and then he changed his mind for some insane reason as Jack Grealish was through on goal. Controversy in the dying seconds of the game. Fifty thousand Manchester City fans were Burning by Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

galatasaray vs manchester united

Sarah put on Show Me How by Men I Trust to get the evening going. The champagne was flowing. A Dom Pérignon P2 Plénitude Brut Champagne. Great entertainment means everything except when defending is a lost art. Or when mental strength is some brand on TikTok. It seems defensive solidity is a mirage.

Some things are so obvious. Ten Hag makes football decisions. He is in the Rockaway by Mac DeMarco of his technical way of seeing things. Total materialist. He doesn’t understand that football is about the lines of desire and being able to read them.

Amrabat is limited but the man is a leader and was in a game he was comfortable with. He along with Hojlund were the two players that shouldn’t have been replaced because they understood what needed to be done. They showed real desire. But that counts for nothing. Ten Hag thinks stuff like that doesn’t matter. Substitute by The Who. Newsflash Erik it is everything.

The reason why you didn’t win the game Erik was because you were trying to play football. I don’t know if you have ever played a game in your life but it doesn’t appear to be so. A footballer would never have made those substitutions. You and Fernandes and your goalkeeper let your team down. Sorry I don’t mean to be critical and harsh. Maybe I need a little bit more sublime champagne to soften the blow.

This game was there to be won. It is true that Manchester United are not a champions league team. They are barely a Europa League team. Fernandes is not a midfield player full stop. He cannot be trusted to be a grown up. Onana reminds me of Lukaku. He should be the best but he hasn’t got the decision making or the mental awareness. A big deal if you are a goalkeeper. In fact it is a complete liability.

Let’s start at the beginning. It was a nice open game. Attack versus attack. On ten minutes Garnacho scored a simple goal from terrible defending. In the 17th minute Fernandes was invited to shoot and he duly scored a stunning goal from outside the area. Then ten minutes later Fernandes switched off his brain and gave away a needless foul in a dangerous area.

This was a Salvador Dali wall with a huge door in it. All bendy and surreal. The Door in the Defensive Walls by Nymphalida was probably made by a gang of drunk chefs. Or maybe a harem of intoxicated knitwear specialists. Galatasaray were given hope and were now only one goal behind.

Entertainment counts. Defending doesn’t. Led to Manchester United’s third goal. A simple tap in from a cross.

Then on the hour mark Onana made a huge error. Imagine what David De Gea would be thinking watching this match. Diabolical goalkeeping. The comeback was on. Defenders were like Dominoes by Jungle as Akturkoglu scored a brilliant third goal for Galatasaray. The six goal thriller ended with both teams Dreaming with a Broken Heart by John Mayer.

chelsea vs manchester city

Sarah was dancing to My Favourite Game by The Cardigans. Chelsea and Manchester City was the game we were excited about this weekend.

The champagne was already in the glass. It was a Pol Roger 2016 and 6 Underground by Sneaker Pimps was playing as the players strolled on to the pitch.

It was a night game and we were just hoping that the game would match the high intensity floodlights that were beaming out in Stamford Bridge. The gods were with us. From the beginning you saw high tempo and high pressing. The omens were good. Both teams are loaded with high quality players. The football juices were flowing.

I am not a big fan of Cucurella. I don’t really think he is a natural defender. For me he is flashy but pure Fool’s Gold by The Stone Roses. He has a more attacking approach.

Haaland lured him in by pulling on his shirt and the left back panicked and pulled him down in the penalty box. The penalty was dispatched with ease by the Norwegian destroyer. Manchester City were winning.

But then in a heartbeat Thiago Silva stepped up with a lovely near post header. A training ground routine if ever there was one. Really good goal. One goal a piece. The scene was set. Game on. Chelsea upped the gears and Sterling had an easy tap in to put Chelsea in the lead.

The game was end to end. Some of the football was a joy to see. Football at full tilt. However there were huge holes in midfield and defence. The game was so open. For some reason the Chelsea defence let Akanji have a free header in the box. He was Dancing Barefoot by Patti Smith. It was even stevens at half time.

Haaland regained the lead almost straight away in the second half by bundling the ball over the line. And then the rain came. The gods had decided to turn the entertainment up a couple of notches. Jackson pounced on the rebound from a Conor Gallagher shot to make it three a piece.

The rain kept falling. This game was in danger of becoming a classic. Chelsea kept pushing forward and Gusto really should have put the ball in the back of the net but he leant back and put it over the bar.

The wizardry of the City midfield kept moving forward and Rodri shot from outside the area. He got a wicked deflection which put Manchester City in the lead on the 86th minute. Surely that was the winning goal.

It was not to be as Dias brought down Broja in extra time and Cole Palmer struck a brilliant penalty under immense pressure in the 95th minute. The game ended a 4-4 draw. The football gods declared that the blue half of Manchester and the blue half of London would share a Blue Monday by New Order. The best game of the season so far.

NEWCASTLE VS ARSENAL

Newcastle have got a lovely balance in the team. Real talent and the hunger and desire to work hard. The only thing I would say is that Callum Wilson is not a world class striker.

Arsenal want to challenge Manchester City for the premier league. Defensively they are much stronger this season although I would argue their goalkeeper is still not the real deal. Similarly I struggle with Havertz. I do think he is a weak link and out of his depth. If Saka and Martinelli had a top centre forward like Toney from Brentford or Calvert Lewin from Everton then Arsenal would be title contenders. As it stands they are not.

The world needs beauty so I opened a bottle of Champagne Perrier - Jouët Belle Epoque limited edition 2013 while Sarah put on Loss of Hope by MEUTE and then Everything Is Yours by Felix Raphael Natascha Polké and coiro.

The game in the first half was tense. Not much quality. Some excitement and lots of needle. How Havertz was not sent off is beyond me. Stuart Attwell the referee will have some questions to answer on monday regarding that challenge. And then VAR took centre stage yet again.

Newsflash. Human beings are biased and VAR is flawed. Why we find it hard to face this fact is beyond me. Nevertheless, the highly controversial goal by Anthony Gordon was somehow given. Incorrectly in my view.

The worst thing about it for me was that Raya the Arsenal goalkeeper is Death By Diamonds and Pearls by Bands Of Skulls. He has all the right attributes but he is not a top goalkeeper. Secondly technology is not conclusive. This means that human error is magnified. Football is becoming a complex shadow play of disputed narratives. Thirdly the clear and obvious foul on Gabriel the Arsenal defender was not given by the referee or VAR. What are these people smoking?

It was an important game because the outcome determines whether Arsenal can challenge Manchester City for the title. It is clear they cannot unless they invest heavily in the centre forward position. Newcastle are growing and Eddie Howe is building the foundations of a team that will challenge in the coming seasons.

The passion in both managers was clear. Eddie Howe says that the goal was given and Mikel Arteta has seen something that I haven’t. Spoken like a true politician. Arteta was fuming.

His bleating manifesto used words like Yours is No Disgrace by Yes and embarrassing. Mikel Arteta was gutted because in reality he knows he messed up buying Havertz. His outrage was deflection. He is not the first one to be on the wrong end of a VAR decision.

One event being viewed and perceived in starkly different ways. The polar opposites of one another. Football is forgotten. Beauty is somewhere else. The minutiae of the decision making process is forensically analysed. It’s the same as it ever was. Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads. As soon as the brain becomes flooded with passions and emotions the decision-making process becomes exponentially more complex and compromised. It is what makes football so universal and the reason why we cannot live without it.

THE MANCHESTER DERBY

First things first. Sarah put on Remember by ARTBAT and we both stood at the window and raised our glasses to Sir Bobby Charlton. He would have hated the music but he would have acknowledged the sincerity of our tribute.

He didn’t just live. He soared. He somehow survived the Munich plane crash and went on to be one of the greatest footballers in English history. Authentic sincere and real. His speciality and his passion was football. And he never veered away from that. The champagne was Palmes D’Or 2008 Rosé Intense by Nicolas Feuillatte. We raised our glasses with a few tears in our eyes to the great man. A genuine champion.

It was derby day in the Theatre of Dreams in Manchester. A big day. It means everything. Manchester City are slick. A well oiled machine. They are a joy to watch. However they are playing at Old Trafford. That must mean something. Every Piece Matters by Plini.

I realise that when Manchester City have got Rodri John Stones Foden Bernardo Da Silva Jack Grealish and Alvarez then you know the odds are stacked against you.

Straight from the kick off you could see that Manchester United were in pretend mode. The tone was set. Manchester United were flat and they were there for the taking. The body never lies.I sipped the champagne in horror looking at the shape of the pretence.

Lindelof, Rashford, Evans, Fernandes, Eriksen and Dalot. They let Manchester City play in cruise control in a derby match. Unconscionable. There was no passion. No questions asked by Manchester United.

They just rolled over and invited the blue half of Manchester to show off all their beautiful jewellery. They let them Breathe by Intervals.

And that is what happened. The warning signs were there from the eighth minute. The marking and defensive shape was laughable. The red devils were red bunny rabbits lost in the Feedback by Kanye West. Manchester City played Wellll by Jacob Collier.

Da Silva Foden and Grealish were literally waltzing around as though they were on Strictly Come Dancing. The illusion of football was being shattered before my very eyes. There was zero cohesion in the United team. The Tower of Babel by Natalie Merchant.

Granted the penalty was soft but the sheer lack of desire to get back into the game after that means only one thing. As stated previously Ten Hag has not got what it takes and he has lost the dressing room. Those players were pussycats not warriors. I am shocked he has lasted this long.

Haaland would have had a hat trick if it wasn’t for Onana. He was in the mood to Get It On by T. Rex. The defensive play from Manchester United was schoolboy and reactive. Men given oceans of space against boys like rabbits in the headlights in Manchester.

Three nil is bad but what is worse is complete capitulation. At least the champagne is good and no one can take away our memories of the great man Sir Bobby Charlton.

EVERTON VS BOURNEMOUTH

If Music Could Talk by The Clash was playing out loud. If only. The champagne was poured. A Bollinger Special Cuvée. The game was just about to start. Everton were playing at Goodison Park against Bournemouth. This was a big game for both teams. Both struggling. Both trying to get their season started in the premier league.

The first goal would be crucial. Bournemouth were still waiting for their first win and they felt they had a good chance here facing Everton.

The start couldn’t have been better for Everton. James Garner was playing in the centre midfield role. He picked up the ball after a slip by the Bournemouth defender and calmly slotted the ball into the back of the net.

His first goal for the club. James Garner looks to me like a real player. I think it was a mistake for Manchester United to let him go. The champagne was going down really well.

Everton were playing with confidence. Bournemouth looked like they hadn’t been briefed that they were playing away from home. The crowd were in full voice and raucous. Calvert Lewin and Doucoure were causing the away team all sorts of problems. Then Neto went Punch by Oliver Michael. A punch not too far as his clearance went straight to Jack Harrison who brilliantly lobbed it into the Bournemouth goal. Two goals before half time. The Cherries were in trouble.

The second half was no better for Bournemouth. The defensive errors were still there. Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime by The Korgis.

Everton made it three via Doucoure. A crucial win. The Blues were starting to look like a coherent and confident team. Sean Dyche hoping that he has managed to change the narrative. Bournemouth however looked naive and disorganised. They need to get it sorted as soon as possible.

Sarah sipped some more champagne as she played While My Guitar Gently Weeps by The Beatles. And then followed it with A Flower is not a Flower by Ryuichi Sakamoto.

The flimsical world of VAR

Flimsy is a beautiful word. It is a wonderful adjective to describe VAR. In the football world VAR is making HAL 9000 look like a pussycat. There are no lapses in my concentration as I pour the champagne. A Taittinger Prestige Rosé.

Tottenham against Liverpool was a good football match for 26 minutes. Both sides looking to break the deadlock. Then it went full on Verdi opera. Curtis Jones lunged forward. His tackle was awkward and his foot went over the ball on to Bissouma’s ankle.

A straight red card. Liverpool were down to ten men. Klopp was on The Prowl by Dan Auerbach. Luis Diaz is a Live Wire by AC/DC. He received the pass from Salah and scored. Cue the flimsical world of VAR. A simple decision could not have been more willfully botched.

Gomez is a good player but he has a habit of switching off. And right back is not his best position. Richarlison ran on the outside of him who then fed Son with a lovely simple lay off. Spurs were in the lead.

In spite of this Liverpool kept up the pressure and scored an equaliser through Gakpo. With a fabulous turn and pirouette to put the ball into the back of the net. The link up play between Salah and Diaz is pretty special.

Alisson made an unbelievable save in the second half from Son. The game was still finely balanced. Then the Liverpool substitute Jota decided to make things more complex. He collected his second yellow card. Liverpool were playing with nine men.

Oops Spurs did it again and scored in the last minute. Liverpool were Losing Game by Gheist.

The seagulls eating all the cherries

The champagne was poured. It was a Louis Roederer collection 244. Sarah was relaxed and put on House Song by Searows. The sun was out and the air was calm.

Lots of European blues for Brighton. Their first foray into Europe didn’t work out for them. However, at home in the premier league they are in the groove. Confidence is up. It is lovely to see. Mitoma is world class. Billy Gilmour is so composed. He is starting to realise his potential as a midfielder.

Bournemouth scored the first goal from a goalkeeping howler. Brighton were maybe in for a bad day against Bournemouth. They would Need 2 by Pinegrove to up their game to get a win.

The seagulls got lucky. Another error this time from a Bournemouth defender. It was level at half time.

The Bournemouth manager reminds me of Bielsa the former Leeds manager. His team is set up to play and there are some good players. Unfortunately, they just switch off and stop competing.

It is a strange thing to see. But you see it in the modern game now more and more. Billing at the beginning of the second half was a perfect illustration of this.

He just switched off.

It led to Mitoma scoring his first goal. Some mention must be given to the layoff from Dahoud which was sublime.

That second goal was costly for Bournemouth. Mitoma scored again. Bournemouth remain winless. Not a good sign after six games.

It cannot stay like that Forever by Alex G. It is One For The Road by Arctic Monkeys for Andoni Iraola. He needs to change the way his team plays to cope with the pressures of the premier league.

quiche lorraine is the devil

My heart sank when I saw the quiche on the plate. I felt the same when I saw the team sheet for Manchester United. Thankfully the champagne was on hand. Champagne Deutz Rosé Millésime 2016.

I am sorry to say but I think Erik Ten Hag is in the endgame. He has so much flair and talent around him but he doesn’t see it. He is stuck stuck stuck to quote Tracey Emin who is probably not a football fan. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if she agreed with me. His combinations and his man management are not good enough.

Move Casemiro to centre back and play Garnacho and Sancho in midfield with Fernandes and McTominay. Garnacho, Sancho and Aaron Wan Bissaka are probably singing I Can’t Hear You by The Dead Weather.

He had on his cool anorak again and tried to show how flexible he was by switching to a tweed jacket for the after the match interview. He is fooling no-one. He needs to learn how to Spread Your Love by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club for the wingers in his squad.

The team is under achieving. They have gone backwards and are not working. Brighton are fluid and just brushed Manchester United aside. I think it is Time to F by Cinthie.

Anyway, I digress. The other game we watched was the Tottenham Hotspur versus Sheffield United. Ange Postecoglou is getting it right. He is a ray of light. He can Dry the Rain by The Beta Band. He is giving his players the freedom to play and to express themselves. Crucially he sees talent and uses it.

Both Spurs and Sheffield United approached the game in the right way. Fast paced. And I have to say Jackie Long Throw is sensational. He obviously loves spinach. The game had chances galore for both sides.

A really open game.

Spurs were pushing and pushing but just couldn’t find an opening and Sheffield United were resolute at the back and defended superbly.

Then against the run of play Jackie Long Throw did the business and Hamer scored for Sheffield United. Spurs were in trouble.

They huffed and they puffed. Spurs couldn’t find a way past Fotheringham the goalkeeper. That is until Richarlison changed the game with a superb header and a brilliant assist in the dying embers of added time. And the ecstasy of Do You Realise?? by The Flaming Lips was in the hearts of the Spurs fans and players. Ange Postecoglou but sadly Erik Ten Hag doesn’t.

arsenal vs manchester utd

Arsenal against Manchester United is a deep thing. Always something to look forward to. Historic games. Some unforgettable moments. In today’s game however there is no room for nostalgia. The season has only just begun and already the pressure is on.

This is a big game and season defining.

Sarah pressed play. Miracle by Adriatique and WhoMadeWho. I wholeheartedly agreed. It would be a miracle if Manchester United got anything from this game. My heart sank when I saw the team selection. Garnacho was on the bench.

I have no idea how Ten Hag sees things. All I know is Garnacho is breathtaking and thankfully his hairdresser has toned things down. Rashford is a world class player.

Mediocrity is the definitive adjective for the Manchester United midfield. Dire the descriptor for their defence. It is clear as day. They are not Champion by Rampa, Sparrow & Barbossa and Keinemusik.

I opened the champagne.

A Duval - Leroy Femme de Champagne. I instantly felt better. The whole vibe for United is An Arrow In The Wall by Death Cab for Cutie. If I had Drake’s number, I would put a shedload of bitcoin on Ten Hag being out of a job in the not-too-distant future.

If Rashford played for Arsenal, they could possibly win the league. Arsenal don’t really have any identity either as yet.

Importantly they don’t starve their best players. Saka and Martinelli are fed. Flair and guile are celebrated. They are seen as something special. Rashford is Not by PVA. He scored a beautiful goal out of nothing. He made it look easy going past two defenders. The same way Manchester United allowed Arsenal back into the game. Easy easy easy.

The defensive shape for United is laughable.

I needed more champagne. Arsenal are fluid and creating a positive future.

A draw was on the cards for the game.

Finally, Garnacho was introduced. And surprise surprise he got the second goal for United. Unfortunately for them it was offside.

There was more Harm by Beacon to come. The two centre backs for Manchester United had been substituted. So, when Declan Rice was completely unmarked at the back post he was given a free shot. He duly scored.

Defensively it was schoolboy central.

There are no leaders in the United team.

Declan Rice didn’t care one jot about that. For him This Feeling featuring Sophie Hunger by Brandt Brauer Frick was ecstatic. Jesus then finished it off beautifully with the third goal.

Arsenal are still a young team and still building their identity. They got the three points today against a team who are abject in defence and virtually lifeless in midfield. Why McTominay was not playing is mind boggling. It just doesn’t make sense. Maybe I am too steeped in nostalgia to see things clearly. More champagne please.

200 seconds

A lot can happen in 200 seconds. In my case a full glass of champagne was downed. It was a Laurent-Perrier, Cuvée Rosé Brut, Champagne NV. Sarah frowned. In Liverpool’s case there were two major defensive errors. Trent Alexander Arnold let the ball go under his foot and Gordon just waltzed on in doing his very best Fred Astaire impression. He put the ball between Alisson’s legs. Newcastle were one nil up.

Then Virgil Van Dijk lost his composure and took Isak out as he was through on goal. Cue the song and the colour red by Underworld.

A straight red card.

Liverpool were down to ten men. Klopp and his boys were in trouble. Newcastle were at home and there was only twenty eight minutes on the clock.

The stage was set for a Newcastle win.

Their players were virtually carrying their digital selves in the way Björk describes in her song Ovule.

Jurgen Klopp has this ability to dig deep. His players worked hard. Szoboszlai has been a revelation. He is a machine. Endo and MacAllister never stopped breaking up play. They all worked hard. Klopp was singing This World Couldn’t See us by Nabihah Iqbal to his midfield warriors.

Liverpool hung on. There was still only one goal in it.

There was a stasis. A stalemate.

Newcastle had no one who could change the game. They were flat. There was no flair. Almiron, however, forced Alisson into a world class save.

Klopp the inherent risk taker played his cards. He went for it.

He brought on Jota and Nunez.

Really brave from Klopp. A masterstroke. They blew up Newcastle’s flaws. Defensively they are too rigid. Not enough intelligence and guile in there.

Jota is the definition of a game changer. Nunez blitzed the goal. Eddie Howe was shellshocked. Klopp had shown him that sometimes football doesn’t add up. Sometimes everything is not so black and white. Two plus two sometimes equals five. He will not find it easy to find A Place to Lie by Art School Girlfriend.

Eddie Howe was destitute while Klopp was dancing on the touchline singing extra read all about it from You Knew by Roisin Murphy.

Brian wilson and brighton

Saturday afternoon. Sarah took my breath away. She handed me a glass of champagne. Philipponnat’s Clos des Goises. The sublime and the surreal. Brian Wilson from the Smile album. That voice that genius. It was such a shock in a beautiful way. It had been sampled for the track GMT by Oliver Sim. A lovely way to get the juices flowing before the football.

Wolves were hosting Brighton. The sun was shining. Football was in the air.

Fifteen minutes later Mitoma was on the touchline just in the opposition half. For the second time within an hour, I was in awe. He cut through the whole of the wolves’ midfield and defence to score one of the best goals of the season. Incredible skill. Incredible player. Incredible ballet. It was a pure Nijinsky moment.

Brighton are blessed with real talent. Molyneux was muted after that first goal.

They almost got back into it. Fabio Silva was through on goal but he couldn’t finish. Wolves finished the first half the stronger team and really should have got the equaliser.

The champagne was good. We chilled out to Silberfisch by Pole.

The second half was a walkover. Brighton just made Wolves look like puppies in a tik tok video. Wolves were Left Behind (Oliver Schories) Remix by Two Lanes, Panama and Oliver Schories.

Brighton were the better team by a country mile and Gary O’Neil did his best not to show the panic on his first home game in front of the Wolves fans. I felt bad for him.

They managed to get one goal back but then their best player Nunes decided to get sent off in the last minute of the game. Petty and petulant. Wolves literally had Nothing Left To Lose by Everything But The Girl.

PREMIER LEAGUE 2023-2024

Football is an addiction. It is Saturday night. Sarah is hyped up. She is wearing a blue cotton striped oversized woven shirt with black trousers. Champagne in her hand. Just before kickoff. Newcastle against Aston Villa.

The champagne is a good one. A Louis Roederer Cristal Rosé 2013. She was smiling.

Please she said. Just this once.

I pulled my long t shirt down over my hands just the way I did when I was playing. She went all flush and said thank you. She hit the play button while I tried to ignore my champagne belly. More Love, Sylvere Remix.

We were back in the game. The match was about to begin. St James’ Park stadium was rocking. The atmosphere was pure black and white feel good.

Six minutes in and the cross from Gordon was so old-fashioned and beautiful. There was Sandro Tonali making a wonderful impression of Kevin Keegan. A gorgeous goal with lovely echoes from the past.

The stage was set. The game was set up nicely and then somehow Aston Villa equalised a few minutes later. Villa are a good team and they have high hopes for this season.

This game was Yoyo by Donae’O featuring Lili Caseley.

Aston Villa were naive. Newcastle’s second goal was so easy and Isak lapped it up.

Isak is a real player. He got a tap in for his first goal. However, the second goal reminded me of Faustino Asprilla. It was sensational.

Gordon had a brilliant game and was the supplier yet again. Somehow Isak managed to win the ball off the defender and chipped it into the net. Very special. Newcastle were purring. This was turning into a bad day for Dracula’s boys.

Newcastle’s link up play and interplay got them their fourth goal. Callum Wilson stepping up.

Aston Villa were Down On My Luck by Vic Mensa. The final kill shot was delivered by Harvey Barnes. He wound up a brilliant start to the season for the magpies. His first goal in a Newcastle shirt. Newcastle were impressive. They look like solid contenders for the top four in this form. Eddie Howe might even get the call up to be Ken in the Barbie follow up film. He is on the way up.

Sarah shone and put on Only by Gheist at the end of the game. We finished the champagne on a real high and looking forward to the Chelsea versus Liverpool game tomorrow. Sarah finished with Peaches I Feel Cream.

the champions league final

If if if. The three degrees of difference between being champions of Europe or not. The Inter Milan players will be in a difficult place today. They could not have played much better. They literally cancelled Gundogan and Rodri for the majority of the game. For me, John Stones and Ederson were the two best players for Manchester City.

There is just one thing I would have done differently to Simone Inzaghi. I wouldn’t have started with Dzeko.

I know Lukaku only had to head through the ball. If if if. If he does that it is a goal. For some inexplicable reason he tried to glance the header into the other corner but didn’t get enough purchase or direction on it allowing Ederson to save the day for Manchester City.

Talk about The Three Degrees. No, No Not Again. The Inter Milan players will have those make or break moments running through their heads. Dark Thoughts by Skylar Grey.

Manchester City are triple champions. A Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads achievement. Sarah and I were drinking a bottle of VIK La Piu Belle Champagne 2009 while we watched the tears of joy and despair going through the different sets of players.

It has been a tough season for everyone and we may have had one or two tipples too many but we have enjoyed sharing our love of football with you and are already looking forward to next season. Cheers.

the law is an ass

All eyes are on Inter Milan. Can they play the game of their lives and stop Manchester City getting their hands on the much coveted Champions League Cup? Manchester City will be very Hard to Beat by Hard-Fi.

Ilkay Gundogan is such an interesting player. At times he goes missing but he has the knack of scoring beautiful goals. If it wasn’t for an offside call he would have had a F A Cup final hat trick. Not many of those.

I don’t understand why Ten Hag chose Jadon Sancho above Garnacho. They are worlds apart. One player feels football. The other player doesn’t perform. So it is baffling to me. Garnacho would be my first player in the team.

De Gea is not the goalkeeper de rigueur. His positional sense is much like mine. Sometimes no matter how hard I look in the fridge I cannot see the champagne. Life is a constant struggle. The champagne today was Pol Roger Brut Reserve Champagne. It felt good.

Jose Mourinho would have crafted his deepest layer of hell Goya smile when he saw that Paul Tierney gave the penalty against Jack Grealish. Jose cannot kill the evil thought. God Is a Cop by Midwife. How that was handball is beyond me. Let us swim in the cliché. The handball law is not worth the paper it is written on. It is nonsensical. It is subjective. There is no consistency at all. Referees follow rules. It seems to me that sometimes they don’t really understand the game. Simply because they have never played a game of football in their life. The law is an ass and that is being extremely unkind to beautiful donkeys.

Back to Wembley stadium. Manchester City were so dominant against Manchester United. The interesting thing now is will it be the same for Inter Milan. Seasons (Waiting on You) by Future Islands.

Manchester United have got a long time to wait. Tribulations by LCD Soundsystem. They are going nowhere fast.

emotions are yellow yellow

Emotions are yellow yellow yellow. Even the champagne was a yellow label Brut Veuve Clicquot. Both benches were volcanic. The football was infected with high stakes. A place in the Champions League. There was just Too much blood by The Rolling Stones in this game.

Anthony Taylor found it very difficult to control the match in Budapest. There were several contentious decisions. The handball rule is so arbitrary. It is no wonder it causes so much grief. It is unfathomable. Also I don’t know why Lamela was not sent off for a second yellow. That point is unquestionable. And a definitive error on Anthony Taylor’s part.

Another discrepancy is that Taylor booked Pellegrini for diving but not Ocampos. They both should have been booked. But only Pellegrini was booked. To be fair to the referee it was almost an impossible game to officiate. Every man on that pitch and bench was loaded by Primal Scream - The Andy Weatherall mix with serious menopausal episodes. It was like a Mel Brooks film. Men pulling their hair out. Hilariously shocking. Mel Brooks would have played Jose Mourinho brilliantly.

Anthony Taylor is one of the better referees. However I don’t think people understand how bias impacts on decision making. Bias is hidden even from the person who is making the decision. Even Var cannot undo the bias. Bias is a Floating Point that never leaves us.

The football was intense. It was obvious that Seville were the more technical team. Roma were carrying a few injuries. Dybala being the key one for them. Both teams gave their all in a tense match. It just wasn’t to be for Roma.

we need to talk about football

Football. Nerves. Fear. Angst and anxiety. Football can turn you into a basket case. Football belongs to the fans. Fans don’t get transferred. Fans don’t receive a bonus. Fans are loyal. Unfortunately it is the fans who carry the burden and heartache. It is a real beast. A beast of burden by The Rolling Stones for the fans of Leeds, Leicester and Everton. The champagne was Collet Esprit Couture Brut. It was needed.

A relegation battle means only one thing. Fate and destiny compressed into distinct heart stopping moments. A mistake here. A glorious save there.

Pascal Struijk and Luke Ayling made serious defensive errors at the beginning of the game and at the start of the second half. Effectively sealing Leeds relegation. The Big Sam express was sunk. Sinking in the Mist by Jr Thomas and The Volcanos.

Porro was a game changer for Tottenham Hotspur and Lucas Moura’s dance past four or five lukewarm Leeds players to score was surreal. Leeds were down. The boos rang out at Elland Road. You Can Be So Cruel by Royal Blood. The supporters fate was sealed.

Harvey Barnes scored a beautiful goal for Leicester early in the first half. Leicester were momentarily safe. Would it stay that way?

Evertonians will always remember the number 57. 57 by Biffy Clyro. Focus and quality came to Goodison Park in the form of Abdoulaye Doucoure. He lined himself up to hit the back of the net and in so doing became a new born messiah of merseyside. A vital goal for Everton.

Leicester City’s game with West Ham had finished with a Leicester win. The Leicester players stayed on the pitch with 26 dollars in their hand. They were Waiting For The Man by The Velvet Underground and Nico to hear if Bournemouth could get an equaliser against Everton.

There was ten minutes of injury time at Goodison Park. The tension was excruciating. Everton survived. Ugly days. Leicester City and Leeds are relegated. Everton the grand old team retain their premier league status to play their 70th season in 2023/4. Soixante Dix - 70 by Lomepal.

european nights in may...

I felt for Carlo Ancelotti tonight. I have never seen him show that level of emotion on his face. It made me drink more champagne than I should have. Veuve Clicquot Vintage 2012.

That first half for Real Madrid was a Welcome to my nightmare by Alice Cooper. Carlo must have been having flashbacks of managing Everton as Manchester City made Real Madrid look pedestrian.

Benzema early on in the first half had this look of Panic Station by Muse on his face. You could tell he was not happy. It is easy to say in hindsight but maybe the team selection was not the best. Real Madrid were overrun. Possibly Tchouameni should have played in midfield with Camavinga.

There was a gulf in energy as well as a gulf in class. The end of an era. Very sad to see in many ways. Silva, Grealish and De Bruyne were unplayable. Foden’s pass to Alvarez at the end was sublime.

Inter have a big job on their hands in the Champions League Final. The best they can hope for is that no one gives them a chance. That might just give them the desire to prove everyone wrong. It has happened before. A sliver of hope. But they will have to play the game of their lives. They will all have to play Nine out of Ten by The Fall.

Juventus have had a week to forget. The game against Sevilla was a great game. But why why why Di Maria? I am not singing a Tom Jones song. I just don’t understand why he didn’t pass the ball to Moises Kean for the simplest of tap ins. Crime of the Century by Supertramp if you ask me.

And what has happened to Chiesa. He was almost Luis Suarez reincarnated in the Euros for Italy. He seems lost somewhere on Montague Terrace In Blue by Scott Walker.

Suso’s goal for Sevilla was fantastic but how on earth was Lamela given a free header in the area. Danilo pulled out of the challenge at the last minute. He turned away from the ball. Bonucci or Chiellini would have needed some deep therapy watching that. They would never have let that goal happen under their watch.

Talking about therapy. Are Serie A involved in some grand mental health experiment? How to mess with the minds of honest football fans. Months ago fifteen points were deducted. The Juventus fans in shock. Then the points were returned. Juventus fans relieved. A whirlwind of emotions and now The Merry Go Round by Motley Crue is complete. Juventus have been deducted ten points for false accounting. They will appeal again.

Talk about playing around with reality. On top of all that losing a semi final. Losing ten points. Football is cruel. The embodiment of a Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve.

Leeds United Valium and The Ten Days of Blue...

A glass of champagne in my hand. I have all the time in the world. Time is moving much slower. I am just an observer. I am looking at Patrick Bamford the centre forward for Leeds United. He is preparing himself before he takes his penalty kick. His focus is solely on the ball. If he scores Leeds go 2 - 0 against Newcastle. The champagne is good. A bottle of Louis Roederer Cristal Brut Champagne. I wonder if Bamford is thinking about small increments. The difference between scoring a penalty and not. The difference between staying in the Premier League or not.

The pressure is on. You don’t get to warm up and rehearse. It is now or never. I looked at him. Saw the fear. All the Everton, Leicester and Nottingham Forest fans are looking at him too. Their destinies are in his hands too. Everything is interconnected at this stage of the football season. All the Leeds fans are praying he will make their day. In fact make their season. Everything is hinged on just small little increments.

The goalkeeper saves. The Leeds fans are besides themselves with grief. The Newcastle fans cannot believe their eyes when they see Callum Wilson dispatch a penalty kick and score literally two minutes after Bamford missed his penalty. The scoreline is now 1 - 1. The momentum has flipped like a switch. Big Sam Allardyce throws his head into his hands. The scene is lit with the energy of the self destruct button and desperation. The relegation snapshot has completely changed in an instant.

All the fans from the other teams in the relegation battle have found a new sense of hope. Hoping that Leeds will lose the game. It doesn’t work out that way. Leeds draw. Maybe Leeds will not be relegated after all.

Apparently Big Sam needed two valium at the end of the game. The level of stress in these games is unbearable at times. Sarah put on some Carla Bley to chill out. A lovely tune called Lawns.

Manchester City matched Real Madrid in every sense the other night and then there was the smallest of flicks from the magician Modric. Camavinga was released. He surged forward. Passed to Vinicius who then fired into the net from outside the area. A spectacular goal.

De Bruyne replied with a goal in the second half. The tie ended in a draw. You sense that Manchester City are determined not to go through the pain they went through last year in those final few minutes against Real Madrid. They are planning on No More Tears by Ozzie Osbourne. Real Madrid are ruthless. Manchester City are geared up. The second tie will be close.

Manchester City played against Everton on the sunday. Two days before the return match against Real Madrid. Gundogan produced a real moment of magic and Everton collapsed. The reality of relegation is staring them in the face. They lost the game 3 - 0. Manchester City are relentless and are a good bet for the treble. Everton are staring at the abyss.

These are ten important days for the blue side of Manchester. Sarah put on Ten Days of Blue by John Beltran.

deep deep down one of us is going to lose the big one!

This is the part of the season when time and space is bent out of shape every few minutes. A bit like my head after drinking too much champagne. A bit like the drum machine going in and out of time at the beginning of Bela Lugosi’s Dead by Bauhaus. The champagne was several bottles over several evenings. I’m dead…I’m dead…I’m dead…Krug Grande Cuvée 170th Edition.

Things can go really well or really badly. Memories of Love by Synkro. The highs and lows in a football match overlap one another leaving the football fan emotionally exhausted. Football can inspire. Football is Euphoria by Killing Joke. Football can be a thing of beautiful flow. Equally football can hurt. Really hurt. Things can become so toxic. Football can be Pain by The War on Drugs.

A player who is confident where things are going well sees a totally different football pitch compared to the player who lacks confidence.

For this player things couldn’t be worse.

The state of being in a relegation battle is hard to describe. The taste of defeat is everywhere and it stays with you forever.

At the other end of the spectrum football works its magic and creates chances and ultimately goals.

Take Brighton versus Manchester United.

A brilliant match. Brighton were superb. Manchester United played well but were eventually undone by a resilient and it has to be said magnificent Brighton team.

The stadium was joyous. Ecstatic. A historic chapter for Brighton to chase the European dream. Then four nights later the crowd are walking out of the stadium as they are 4 - 0 down to relegation threatened Everton within the first half hour. A total shock. No one could have predicted that. Everton eventually went on to win 5 - 1.

Chaos reigns supreme at this point in the season. Sometimes the managers even morph into French Philosophers. Big Sam is back. He is in his naive period trying to brush up on his phenomenological outlook. Experience is king. If he had Manchester City’s players he would win everything too. His enthusiasm is infectious. However it didn’t help the game plan. As they lost 2 - 1. Leeds will be hoping that they were not Born Slipping by Joy Orbison and Tyson.

Who will win the Premier League? Who will get relegated? We probably will not know until the last day of the season. One day when everything happens. One Day by Bjork.

Match of the Day does that insane thing whereby the table changes every couple of minutes and reality is no longer reliable. Everything changes. Fabulous entertainment but the stress induced for the poor fans. Intolerable. Will it be deep deep down either Manchester City or Arsenal have lost the big one? Sarah put on Manchester by Martyn.

Champions League Chronicle

The dark arts, the punch and the red card at the Bernabeu

Time is elastic but champagne is fluid. When you get dust in your eye you need treatment. Tackles go flying in and you get hit on the head by a ball. It all takes valuable time. And why not use that time to regroup, give instructions and tweak specific tactics. Or alternatively drink some Ruinart champagne Blancs De Blancs. Mikel Arteta the Arsenal manager loves elastic time. They were cruising at 2 - 0.

The Liverpool defence was lost. But there was No Music by Intelligency. No wonder the Liverpool supporters were quiet. They were in deep shock.

Not to worry the testosterone entered Agent Xhaka’s brain. The die was cast. From that moment on, the flame of Anfield was lit and there was no coming back.

The spectacle of football came to life. Diogo Jota changed the game in a heartbeat and gave Liverpool hope. Salah scored. Arsenal 2 Liverpool 1.

At half time the bawling Andy Robertson was shrugged off by the linesman with his elbow. Robertson was apoplectic and used his finger to highlight the location of his deep pain. The dark arts. Showing the deep intellect of the left back.

The pantomime and playbook. The high drama and despair. The culture collapsing before our very eyes. It seemed only natural that Sarah put on Elbow by Naci Brix.

Liverpool were gunning for their second goal. All the hope turned to tragedy when Salah missed his penalty. The pressure for the equaliser became more and more Intense by Dantec but the Arsenal goalkeeper made some world class saves.

Then Trent Alexander Arnold nutmegged Zinchenko. Classic nutmeg. He crossed the ball for Firmino to head home. Beautiful goal. It somehow stayed 2 - 2 thanks to the Arsenal goalkeeper in the final seconds.

Manchester City against Bayern is a mouthwatering prospect. Or in my case mouthchampagnering if that is even a word. Tonight was a G.H. Mum Grand Cordon Champagne.

The game was tight for the first twenty five minutes and but for a superb block from Ruben Dias Bayern almost took the lead. A minute later Rodri stepped up and scored a brilliant goal. Musiala is a talented young player for Bayern but why he let Rodri just glide past him and score is beyond me. Pure anti - glory by Horsegirl.

Bayern then went into some kind of self destruct mode. Maybe the English rain was off putting. Upamecano was the main culprit and Manchester City took advantage.

When Manchester City play well they are unstoppable. Bernado, Dias, Stones, Grealish, Haaland and Rodri were majestic. Manchester City 3 Bayern Munich 0.

It is hard to see Bayern recovering in the second leg. Even harder for Leroy Sane’s lip as Sadio Mané had punched him in the dressing room. Sane is known for taking the shot and not crossing the ball for his teammates. Sarah played Punch by Oliver Michael to finish off the night.

The Bernabeu and the champagne was Piper - Heidsieck Cuvee Brut. Real Madrid against Chelsea. Both previous managers for Everton. Carlo Ancelotti and Frank Lampard. Real Madrid strolled past Chelsea without even getting out of second gear. Chelsea had a go but they don’t have a goalscorer in their ranks. They don’t have a heart. They don’t have an Identity by X-Ray Spex. No direction or purpose there. Just a collection of very good players. However when Cucurella decided to have a mid game nap to let Rodrygo in on goal it was obvious Ben Chilwell was going to drag him down. A red card ensued for Chilwell.

It got worse for Chelsea. No one was marking Marco Asensio on the edge of the box. He was free to shoot and score. Amateurish to say the least. There is still hope for Chelsea but not much. They need to find a goalscorer and a soul.

manchester utd- liverpool

Champagne bends reality. We went for the Krug Grande Cuvée 170th Edition. Football is another world. This season is other worldly. I don’t know if it is because of the world cup at christmas throwing the space time continuum into a world of Messi poems made up of football pleasure domes or what. It is pure Jeenge by Infected Mushroom.

This season is like Macbeth with a splash of The Matrix. To be or not to be, that is the question. Sixty-five per cent of managers so far are not to be this season alone. They have taken the blue pill. Their story has ended. No matter how good they are. Their talent has been sucked up by the rabbit hole.

We watched two games this weekend. We have seen things so out there we don’t know what reality is anymore.

The second goal for Manchester City at the beginning of the second half against Liverpool was one of the biggest defensive malfunctions ever.

Fabinho headed the ball down towards Trent Alexander Arnold who was totally out of position waiting for the ball to come to him. Konate had moved over into the right back position. Grealish who had his best game ever for Manchester City just laid the ball off for Alvarez sitting on the half way line. No Liverpool midfielders were in sight so Van Dyke decided to half heartedly press the Manchester City forward. Van Dyke couldn’t have been more out of position if he had tried. Robertson too was in the centre circle acting like a centre back. Alvarez passed the ball into the big wide open spaces to Mahrez. A game changing pass which led to a goal laid out on a plate for De Bruyne to score. And then the collapse.

The Klopp function is destroyed. Sarah played Reese by Big Red Machine and then Punk Rock Loser by Viagra Boys.

The Ten Hag function is about as alluring as a fake rolex or a Harry Kane dive. Reality is truly cracking up.

Manchester United were completely outplayed. They are like pastiche versions of themselves. No one listens to one another. There were one or two moments were things came together. The pass from Bruno Fernandes in the first half to Rashford was phenomenal. The moment ends there.

Manchester United were one nil down so Ten Hag took a walk on the wild side and decided to take off both centre backs. Seconds later Callum Wilson scored a headed goal. Newcastle won 2-0. Possibly one of the weirdest substitutions ever. Reality splitting the atom right in front of us. Sarah put on Substitutions by Bass Da Boy the original mix and then Cracking Up by The Jesus and Mary Chain. The champagne tasted good and Sarah put on The Cognitive Trade Off Hypothesis by Viagra Boys.

italy - england

Italy versus England was emotional. And we drank too much champagne. Taittinger Brut. Sarah started the night with Dancer by Gino Soccio. It was time to get your body shaking.

The memory of Gianlucca Vialli was soaring over the stadium. He would have smiled at the quality of Italy’s goal. The pass from Pellegrini and the despatch from Retegui was Vialliesque. He would have even enjoyed Kane scoring his 54th international goal with a well taken penalty. But Vialli would not have enjoyed the result.

Neither would have Antonio Conte. It made me sad seeing him on the Ryanair flight. 15 million a year and he gets a packed Ryanair flight. It feels like the end of an era. He looked totally alone. Hopefully he will be back soon. Everything about him is real.

It was an important game. The result mattered. Two years ago in the European Championship the sheer presence and personality of Bonucci and Chiellini made the difference. Italy won. The sheer absence of those two was the reason Italy lost.

If Marcel Proust would have been the centre forward for Italy. At the kick off - the start of the match - he probably would have hesitated for a millisecond as he soaked up the atmosphere. The Serbian referee would have dished out a yellow card immediately. Proust would have looked at the yellow card sending him immediately into a deep reverie. A second yellow issued promptly and a red card for lost time.

Proust would have been the first international footballer who would have been sent off without even kicking a ball. The Serbian referee would not appreciate in search of lost time at all.

I told you we drank too much. Back to the football.

It was great to see Harry Kane play so well and get his goal. The sky is the limit for him. Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Inner Life seems to do just the job.

On the downside Jack Grealish gave the ball away in the first few seconds in a dangerous area. He also had a gilt edged chance to score the third goal for England at the end of the first half. Details matter. He hit the ball with the outside of his boot. It was a Vogue fashion shoot.

A simple side footed pass into the italian net would have been less fashionable but certainly more interesting from an english point of view. Jack Grealish got Fever by Oli Benz in front of goal.

It is a difficult group and it won’t be easy for england or italy. England got the points but there is a long way to go by The Dead Daisies.

7-0

I had some weird dreams after the seven nil mauling of Manchester United by Liverpool.

Drake and Roger Waters were outside in the street in a big armoured tank. I can’t even drive and there they were smiling with green greasepaint all over their faces. Apparently they are working together on a new album.

Maybe it was the champagne - Champagne Ayala Brut Majeur. It was flowing big time. Sarah started the night with the theme music from The Equalizer by Harry Gregson - Williams which then merged into a song called Equal by Biskuwi and Sylvie Miles. We both thought the match was going to be close. The most likely result being a draw. We couldn’t have been more wrong.

The embrace between Jurgen and Erik was all wrong. Sarah immediately put on Are Friends Electric by Gary Numan when she saw it. We thought it was funny anyway. We opened the second bottle and the match had not even started.

The first half was finely balanced. The first Liverpool goal came from that weak spot between Varane and Dalot. Varane like many others did not have a good game. You could see it coming and it came at the perfect time for Liverpool just before half time. Varane left a Supermassive Black Hole by Muse. He was far too close to Martinez and too far away from Dalot. A big mistake. Robertson’s pass to Gakpo was pure Messi. It was beautiful. And worryingly for Manchester United you could tell that Liverpool were up for it.

The second half was going to be interesting. What an understatement. The second half went all Radiohead. Manchester United were left High and Dry.

The second goal was pure farce. Shaw was obviously distracted. He spent the whole night singing Artpop by Lady Gaga to Mo Salah. Unfortunately for Shaw he was bling and not music. Fabinho was given more time and space than Star Trek to push forward towards the penalty area. Pure Pinball Wizard until Nunez headed the ball into the net.

The third goal was another Shaw shocker. A great goal from Gakpo and a fantastic pass from Mo Salah who was like the wolf in little red riding hood. He was drooling. The ball was almost ejaculated into the net for the fourth goal. Salah’s first.

Nunez’s second goal was the gift that kept giving. He had a free header five yards from goal. Erik Ten Hag’s anorak which has match winner written all over it was visibly shocked when Salah’s second goal went in. Salah went naked.

The anorak was in deep trauma once Firmino scored. History had been made. It was like a new religion. The scoreboard was every wild obsession for every single Liverpool supporter. It will never be forgotten.

Sarah put the tunes on straight away. Rip it Up by Orange Juice and then Queer by Garbage. It was the mix by Martin Gore and Paul Freegard. Manchester United were sent spinning. They were Spellbound by Siouxsie and the Banshees She finished off the night with Smile by Wolf Alice.

the boys are back in town

Sarah was playing The Boys Are Back In Town by Thin Lizzy after the Manchester United win against Newcastle in the Carabao Cup Final. We were drinking Louis Roederer Cristal Brut Champagne 2012.

The champagne was good. The game was a predictable affair. There was a confidence about the early Manchester United play but Newcastle were easy to play against. There was a gulf in class. Newcastle’s desire was fairly lightweight in my opinion.

Casemiro does make a difference to the whole balance of the team. He just knows what he is doing. And it is contagious. Together with the street fighter Martinez they have completely changed the whole dynamic of the Man Utd team. Everything is less coached. There is a heart and soul to the team now.

I think the modern game over complicates things in many ways. Newcastle have superior aerial qualities defensively and yet they chose to defend with a high line that allowed Casemiro to beat them in the air. A stupid goal to give away. There was no need.

The defensive high line is the fashion. However for me in this case it is the wrong thing to do. Newcastle paid the price by not working to their strengths. Followers of fashion.

Weghorst made a difference too. He is an underrated player and he is difficult to play against. He has a presence about him on the football pitch that very few others have. His charisma and incisiveness created the goal for the reborn Rashford.

Manchester United have found their mojo. More champagne and more music as Sarah put on Redlight by Swedish House Mafia and Sting.

champions league
(Liverpool-Real madrid)

To quote the great Marvin Gaye What is Going On? Sometimes it feels like you have entered the wrong cinema. Or you are in the wrong healing space getting the wrong therapy. You go to the shrink expecting some soothing words and if you are lucky a lovely glass of quality brandy but then all of a sudden R. D. Laing pops out from behind the curtain and it goes all primal scream. That is what happened tonight. I am still having Apocalypse Now flashbacks at that third Real Madrid goal. Modric was the Joker in Batman thinking. Why are all the Liverpool defenders doing Joe Biden impressions in front of the Liverpool goal? Militão just went in a straight line from the back post to the near post and headed in a simply bizarre goal. A good goal from Real Madrid’s point of view. A Schrodinger’s Cat of a goal from Liverpool’s point of view. In that moment Liverpool were dead and alive at the same time. Sarah and I hit the champagne big time at that point. We knew we were going through something but didn’t have the words to express it. So we opened another bottle of Pol Roger Brut Champagne and guzzled it down to try and figure out what exactly is going on. Liverpool are 2 nil up after fifteen minutes. A positive start. Vinicius Junior is a great player and changed the game. However Fabinho and Gomez just didn’t put in a tackle. Gomez was waiting for Godot. Fabinho was absurdist. The whole balance of the team is off. They are just ghosts. Ghosts in red. Real Madrid were auditioning for the lead role in The Last Tango in Paris. The Liverpool team were playing as though the ball was made of butter. The whole match was Salvador Dali surreal. Sarah swigged another glass of champagne and put on The Freaks by David Guetta and Marten Hørger and then followed it by Molfar by Miss Monique.

derby day

When you have Erling Haaland as your centre forward it really makes sense to play to his strengths. He is pure Helter Skelter.

Sometimes I think footballers are like lead guitarists. They have to show the world how fast they can move their fingers when sometimes the best lead solo is just a few notes.

George Harrison was incisive. Not sure if The Beatles were any good at football, but if any of them were playing for Manchester City they would have made several simple penetrating passes that would have put Erling Haaland in on goal. The simple route. The path of least resistance. Pep has great knitwear but his footballers over complicate things when it is not necessary.

The first goal for Manchester City was sublime. It was great to see De Bruyne and Casemiro holding hands. A symbol of harmony across the football divide. Manchester derbies never worked like that in the old days. So it was lovely to see this interesting new choreography in the modern game.

The Fernandes goal for Manchester United was more like a philosophical puzzle. I was almost hoping that all the players would do the Rodin pose The Thinker while they were crowded round the referee. That would have been some deep performance art right there.

A bizarre goal on every level. A black hole of a goal if there is such a thing. It just highlights how utterly subjective referring is.

Garnacho is a wonderful player. The way he shaped his run to stay onside. I love seeing him play. He is the real deal. It was also great to see Marcus Rashford get his goal. He is really coming good at the right time. If Manchester United have any chance of winning the league they are going to need him to keep scoring.

Saka is a great player. Arsenal are flowing and looking very good for the league. Saka has gone up in my estimation as well with his Emu celebration when he scored his goal. Rod Hull would have been delighted. Although what was Lloris smoking?

Martinelli’s side cross was almost Da Vinci like. It was that good. A thing of absolute beauty. Spurs were poor. Conte is just not happy. It is sad to see such a great coach struggling so much. The whole vibe is wrong. I don’t think it will last long. Neither did the champagne.

It was a lovely Perrier - Jouët Blanc de Blancs.

Pelé and Gianluca

Some people are present. Some people are leaders. Some people are lions. Some people have a different level of focus. A different level of desire. Some people dream of nothing other than serving their team. Winning for their teammates. Some people have instincts that are so finely tuned that they are ahead of the game. Always one step ahead of everyone else.

Pele and Gianluca Vialli were made of the same stuff. Human. Warm. Driven. Passionate. Always smiling. Always polite. Always playful on and off the pitch. The positive energy that pours out of every bit of their DNA.

The football moments. The goals. The genius. The intricacies. The vision. The celebrations. The winning. The losing.

They were both unique in their ability to change the world in a heartbeat. They had the gift. And they gave it to the world throughout their careers.

We are lucky. We all have memories of them. Memories that will never go away. Never be forgotten. Special moments in football when they shone like no other. When the world stopped to sing out their names in sheer rampant joy.

Pele was pure Brazil. Gianluca Vialli was the essence of Italy. Both men were total football. The zenith. They made the world of football resonate like never before.

They both understood that football depended on the fans. On the crowd. They never forgot that. They always played for the people in the stadium. To improve their lives. Even if it was momentary. Even if it was only for the weekend. They always dreamt of making things better for the fans. They were connected to the fanbase in a truly genuine and sincere way.

They worked and worked to hone their talent. They never ever gave up. Everything about them was passion. Everything about them was joy. Everything inside them was shared. Nothing was kept back. They were the burning flame that never goes out.

It is terribly sad that they have left this mortal coil. But the overriding thing is that they have left their smiles indelibly painted all over our memories.

We will miss them so much.

But we were lucky. They energised so much of the fabric in football that it will never leave us. The miracle is that they brought so much love into the world through football. We raise our glasses to two of the greatest players ever. The universe has become golden with their presence.

Worst world cup adventure!

Wow wow wow wow unbelievable. Sarah was doing her best Kate Bush moves. Maybe the shrink had a point. Too much stimulus has its pitfalls. Now Gary Numan is singing It’s cold outside. To be fair it is freezing.

Sarah did suggest we drink non alcoholic champagne Saudi style as it was an early morning kick off but I had already prepared and opened a lovely chilled moet and chandon réservé impérial. It worked a treat with Trentemoller’s take me into your skin.

By the time Saudi Arabia had beaten Argentina we were pretty sloshed. It was a big moment in football. To see Argentina out fought was shocking. It was fantastic to see the Saudi team play the high line and press like mad wolves with a fire and intensity that was off the scale. Their second goal was special. However it was surreal to see Angel di Maria Vogue-ing instead of putting a tackle in.

To see the Saudi players like Al Tambakti jump up in the air in ecstasy after a brilliant defensive tackle just brought tears to my ears. I loved it.

I now want the Saudi team to progress into the group stages. Number 23 Kanno and 17 Al Tambakti just stood out but they all fought with their lives and it was a seismic footballing event to see them succeed. To repeat I loved it. Very special. We danced to Can You Feel it by Larry Heard and then Homosapiens by Pete Shelley. We were lost in music through the whole of the next two games which was a really good move because we were vaguely sober for the France vs Australia game. France purred. Their midfield is open and leaves their defence vulnerable but do they Get it On

when they go forward. They are full on Marc Bolan. Sacre Bleu. They could win it.

The morning was slow. We got carried away with the hype last night. Sarah put her foot down so it was non alcoholic Saudi Champagne for us and scrambled eggs and toast. Germany were playing Japan. As soon as we saw them do the team photo with their hands over the mouth Sarah started playing Queer by Garbage. What a tune.

Germany have lost their music. Japan on the other hand were on fire. They played high tempo with so much energy. Absolutely fearless. It was lovely to see them rejoice at the end. It is the first time in their history that they have beaten Germany.

It was strange seeing Germany toothless. Sarah played Magazine’s

shot by both sides and said that that is what happened to Germany. No attacking flair and schoolboy defending. That woman is infuriating sometimes. I am supposed to be the football pundit. But she is right the money as usual. The players won’t get much sleep tonight.

Spain were rampant against a woeful Costa Rica. Wonderful to see the emerging talents of Pedri and Gavi. Truly sensational. Their brand of football is intoxicating and Rodri is one of my favourite footballers at the moment. I can’t wait to see them play Germany next. What a game that is going to be. Germany have to get a result.

Thankfully we got the champagne out for the Belgium game against Canada.

Taittinger Prestige. To celebrate Sarah put on Touch me by Rui Da Silva and then Lost in Music by The Fall.

Belgium were slow. Leggy and lucky. Canada were the better team. The final third let them down. Maybe if they had scored the penalty there might have been a better outcome for them. Thibaut Courtois is phenomenal in penalty situations. Belgium need to start afresh with upcoming talent and youth the way Spain has.

We had to warm up slowly today. Sarah got me slowly swaying to Sub Sub’s Past. It felt good and it got me ready to fall into the groove of Lullaby by The Cure. It was time to open the champagne. A delightfully named Ruinart Brut New 2015. I can categorically say that no art was ruined in the making of this article.

I loved seeing Ronaldo before he took the penalty. Whatever you say about him. His level of focus and desire are out of this world. When you looked into the eyes of Alphonso Davies the other night for Canada you could tell it wasn’t going to be. You look into Mr number seven and you just knew. He let the goalkeeper know exactly where he was putting the ball. The power and accuracy took the shot away from the Ghanaian goalkeeper. The game came to life. There is something about Cancelo that doesn’t work for me. He is not a defender. It is not in his dna. I just don’t get it really. Anyway the nearly goal in the last minute was fantastic entertainment just to see the horror on Ronaldo’s face. That will be a big time meme no doubt about it.

Brazil took an hour to get going but when they did they looked like the real deal. Delighted to see Richarlison get that wonder goal for his second. He doesn’t get the credit he deserves. And what a player Casemiro is. They have so many players. They are definitely going to be hard to handle. It is early days but they are looking strong. Once the game had finished Sarah put Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones and then another classic A Forest by The Cure. The night was young.

Football is a heart thing. It is an energy thing. An intensity thing. Football is a body language thing.

Some people get it. Some people don’t.

The word pedestrian is ugly. It sounds ugly. Like going through the motions. Like the stupid song football is coming home. Why they don’t use Happy House by Siouxsie and The Banshees is beyond me. But what do I know.

The Dutch coach invited his wife to his hotel room midweek. I dread to think how old school his tactics were. This is the thing. The world has changed irrevocably. Some people get it. Some people cling on clueless.

Southgate is not a visionary. He is not a poet. He is a nuts and bolts man. He gets turned on by getting underneath cars. Looking at engines. I am so glad he doesn’t drink Champagne as I drank all of his in utter desperation. It was G.H. Mumm Cordon Rouge.

He is a nice man as he highlighted the positives of the performance conveniently forgetting that the best player in England is Phil Foden who didn’t kick a ball tonight.

The United States played as though they had just listened to the brilliant Lose Yourself by Eminem. If you have one shot or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment would you capture it or just let it slip?

England came out having being inspired by Karma Chameleon by Culture Club. It is just such a shame Adam Ant wasn’t the referee. At least he would have made a difference by singing Car Trouble on the halfway line. Anyway to try and slow down my champagne consumption Sarah brought out the big guns by playing Marquee Moon by Television and then Making Plans for Nigel Southgate by XTC. She is a saint.

It looks like Uruguay will not get through group H. Why oh why did they not take Garnacho? Suarez and Cavani are 35 years old. Their time has gone. Garnacho should have been there. He is from Fast Land by Moderat. No question. Sarah put on Spectrum by Max Cooper while I poured us some champagne Taittinger Brut Reservé as consolation.

Portugal are getting the job done.

I felt for South Korea. It was a great game with Ghana. To come back from 2 - 0 down and get it back to 2 - 2 is some achievement. To then lose the match 3 - 2. There is no wonder that they were on their knees. Sarah put on On My Knees - Adriatique Remix by Rufus Du Sol and Adriatique. South Korea are going to struggle going through now. Sarah agreed and played Impossible by Royksopp Alison Goldfrapp &ME.

I think Ghana will get the result they need against Uruguay. The Cameroon game against Serbia was weird. It was defensive lapses all round. Really good footballers but not much evidence of football brains. However that chip by Vincent Aboubakar was a thing of absolute beauty. A stunning world cup goal.

And so was Casemiro’s goal for Brazil. For Brazil to win the world cup they need Neymar. There is no doubt about that. Switzerland will probably beat Serbia in the last game. If they can create any chances that is. They didn’t against Brazil.

So pleased Southgate started with Foden and Rashford. They made a difference. And so good to see. Sunday’s game against Senegal will be tough. Fortunately for England there is no Sadio Mané. However Sarr is one hell of a player. It was nice to see Koulibally score a real strikers goal for Senegal’s second.

The champagne is flowing. Louis Roederer Collection 243. It is sad for Wales but the reality is they didn’t perform in the first two games. They were winnable. It is a shame for Iran too. Just sweet nothing by Calvin Harris and Florence Welch in the final third. The foundations are there. They will be back.

The United States are magnificent athletes. They will create serious problems for old school Holland. I don’t know what the odds are for that one but it is worth a punt. It does make me laugh though. The Americans don’t have a man of the match. No fuck that. They have the most ambitious player. What are they smoking? Sarah stuck on We don’t need this Fascist Groove Thang by Heaven 17. There was still some champagne left.

We are going to need a holiday after this world cup. The partying is taking its toll. We should have prepared more and trained harder. Before the whole thing started. To get in party shape.

We started the day with a bottle of Charles Heidsieck Rosé Reservé. And raised a glass to Christine McVie from Fleetwood Mac. We played The Chain. What a tune. What an artist. Then came September by Earth Wind and Fire.

Really shocked to see France make nine changes. What were they thinking? Lovely to see Tunisia get the win. They deserved it even though they didn’t go through.

Australia against all the odds did it again. A superb goal. Australia wanted it more than Denmark. Seeing them celebrate made me think of Theme from Sparta F.C. by The Fall. Sarah then put on F.E.A.R by Ian Brown.

We were getting ready for the Poland vs Argentina game and then Saudi Arabia vs Mexico. Poland were completely gone. They seemed to be absolutely drained. They are going to have to be better than that if they are to have a chance against France in the next round.

I like Alvarez and the way he cut in to score his goal. A proper player. Argentina are beginning to warm up.

Saudi Arabia were similar to Poland. There was nothing left in the tank. Mexico were superb but unfortunately it was Too little too late by Boris Voorn and Underworld. Heartbreaking for them. The song We Are The People always makes me think of Mexico. Sarah followed it up by The Dealer by Nilufer Yanya.

All those footballers now leaving the world cup. All those memories playing through their minds. For me I will never forget the shock I felt watching the Saudi game against Argentina. It has been a brilliant world cup so far. Time for some Beetlebum by Blur and then Tomorrow never knows by The Beatles.

Sometimes history is made. Germany and Belgium are out of the world cup. I feel for Lukaku. Those misses will haunt him big time for many reasons. Football is about your vision. Lukaku isn’t a seer. And unfortunately for him those misses are going to be playing in his head for a long time to come. Belgium overall were poor for all three games. It needs youth and a complete rebuild. I poured some Veuve Clicquot Brut Champagne N.V. for us while Sarah played The Heat Goes on by Talking Heads and then Walking on the Moon

by The Police.

Germany are the same. Although Musiala is the new Messi. I imagine the German team will be singing Prince’s song Controversy on the plane tomorrow on their way home. It is incredible to think that the curve of a ball is the difference between going through and being eliminated. That game against Japan was their downfall. They strolled and they have paid the price big time. Great to see female referees at the world cup. State of Independence by Donna Summer came out of the speakers and The Go by Moby.

There is a revolution going on. And the knockout stages will possibly highlight that. There is a pattern. If the United States, Australia, Japan, Senegal and Morocco play with the intensity and desire they have shown thus far it is very possible that there will be more shocks to come. Who will be The Man with the Red Face by Laurent Garnier? It will be very interesting to see. France vs Poland is the only traditional game so far. The rest of the games are pure Born Slippy

by Underworld. Sarah started the nighttime celebrations with Finally by CeCe Peniston.

Is this the punk rock moment in football?

THE FINAL

There are the teams with superior technique. They are the old schoolers. The analogue boys if you like. The stars run the show. Then there are the athletes. The ones with intensity. The runners. They are the digital gang. The team is everything.

The champagne was Bollinger Special Cuvée Brut. We started out with something soft and beautiful. Elton John Tiny Dancer. Then Never Alone by WhoMadeWho the Patrice Baumel mix.

The first two games were to decide Group H.

H for hackneyed. H for hagridden. H for haphazard. Group H was harrowing.

Portugal are the technicians. Although whoever it was who took that corner for Portugal that led to the second goal for Korea needs to have a serious word with himself.

This is the thing with technique. How often do you see seriously technical footballers take a corner like your grandmother? Hashtag allthefuckingtime. That is the thing about technique. You have to be committed. If not then what have you got. Great teeth lovely hair and a big fat wallet.

The tension in the game once that second goal went in was something else. Ronaldo’s face on the sidelines was a Warhol moment. Priceless. It was great to see Korea win it and put themselves second in the group. They had to hold on though.

Uruguay were beating Ghana 2 nil. There were still ten minutes to play. One goal from Uruguay and South Korea were out. I know I am a broken record but Garnacho Garnacho. Suarez was in tears. Retired at 65. They huffed and puffed but the goal just wouldn’t come. Game over. Joy for Korea. Nightmare for Uruguay. They couldn’t beat the clock. Time for Sparks. Followed by Carly Simon Why.

Next up was Group G. G is for gruelling. G is for guile. G is for germinal.

Lovely to see Cameroon beat Brazil. And purely surreal. To be sent off for taking off your shirt. Vincent Aboubakar and the red card. It sounds like a Sherlock Holmes story. Cameroon were out anyway but what an achievement. An African team beating Brazil. Monumental. And inspirational. Time to play

Keep Moving by Jungle.

Serbia and Switzerland was a helter skelter game by The Beatles. Pure chaos. Lacklustre defending. Embolo is a player. Two of the old school technicians fighting it out. Either team could have progressed. It went all Sisters of Mercy when Mitrovic and Xhaka squared up to each other. The Swiss held out. It was time to play More.

These group games have been a wild ride. It feels like a revolution. Sarah started the night’s music with

Light me Up by Luxe Agoris and Max Vermeulen.

We raised our glasses and made a toast. The art of defending is dead. But at least Messy is in Heaven by Venbee and Goddard. It would be so cool if the Argentinian fans started singing that.

Argentina are good.

It was great to see Messi score. But on today’s evidence Holland are stronger. The champagne in our glasses was Perrier Jouet Grand Brut. As we celebrated the Argentina win with Mumuki by Astor Piazzola and Fueye Mood by Supertangox.

Australia performed so much better than the USA. The Americans looked flat and worn out. We were all set up. Here we are now entertain us.

So one dimensional. They were outplayed. They needed to take on players and try and beat them. They resorted to relying on the centre backs to become playmakers which was never going to happen. What a Bad Habit by Steve Lacy.

Why Reyna did not start from the beginning is beyond me. Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana was pumping out the speakers at the end of the game.

Holland were Radar Love by Golden Earring. The gulf in class was palpable. Gakpo, Dumfries, De Jong, Deepay, Ake and Van Dijk are up there. Holland are coming good. Too strong for Argentina. They could go all the way. Holland have shifted a gear.

Australia were intense. Just like Red Right Hand by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds. And almost nicked a draw at the death. To send the match into extra time. And what a bizarre goal they scored. They made Argentina work for their victory. They did themselves proud. But it was the right result. We were a little worse for wear when Sarah put on Make You Scream by VTSS.

Poland were uninspiring. Sarah put on some Chopin to redress the balance 3 Nocturnes Op. 9: No. 2 in E flat Major. We were enjoying some Dom Pérignon Brut Champagne. Poland need to find a new way to play.

Senegal were stronger. Lovely to hear 7 Seconds Youssou N’Dour featuring Neneh Cherry. Senegal are in a much better shape but they sorely missed Sadio Mané, Idrissa Gueye and Kouyate.

I could be wrong I could be right but the England game could have gone very differently. Just playing Rise by Public Image Ltd. They were slow and sluggish at the beginning. Taking too many touches. Too many errant passes from defence.

All the emotional triggers for a bad night were being fired. Solfeggio Frequencies were hovering in the air with Emotional Release Triggers 528 Hz. Senegal could have been 2 goals to the good but for Jordan Pickford. It was nervy. Then the JJ factor came into play.

Jude Bellingham and Jordan Henderson changed the game. Henderson could be what Kante is for France. A game changer. Jude Bellingham is pure brilliance. He is the world of difference for England. Kane is England’s Benzema.

Both France and England are fragile in defence. If I was Deschamps I would play Konate in defence for the England game.

Mbappe and Dembele are lethal and fast. But there is no Benzema. It is going to be close close close. We let the night drift by listening to Close to the Edge by Yes.

We started the day with a Besserat de Bellefon Bleu Brut Champagne N.V. while listening to Dramatic by Mass of The Fermenting Dregs. Another day in world cup paradise.

If the Japan vs Croatia game was decided on reaction times Japan would have walked it. Sadly it was decided by penalties. It was a difficult game. Japan worked it as much as they could but Croatia matched them all the way.

Having said that how they let Perisic have a free header in the penalty area is beyond me. Surely they know how good a player he is. And also how good he is in the air. Japan had a sensational world cup and created memories that will never die.

It was sad to see them so distraught after the penalties. They will be back. Time for some Honey Dijon and Dope Earth Alien with It’s Quiet Now. That game is in the rearview now.

We prepared for the Brazil game with another glass of champagne and Velha Infância by Tribalistas.

Brazil strolled in that first half. Then went all strictly come dancing. South Korea froze. They were in awe.

The third goal from Richarlison was pure Brazil from the Jairzinho days. I loved that. Brazil look strong. They are flying. Alisson has to be one of the best goalkeepers at the world cup. He could be the difference between winning it or not.

It will be interesting to see how they cope defensively against a France or an Argentina. Pleased that South Korea got a goal back in the second half. They were much better thankfully. It was not an easy game for them.

They had a great world cup and no one can take that win against Portugal away from them. Sarah put on Wake em up by Darley.

Football is about opinions and taking risks. Spain are a good team. Luis Enrique didn’t react and didn’t lead. It was obvious. He didn’t need Rodri at centre back as Morocco were not a threat going forward. They parked the bus.

Put Rodri back in midfield creating. Nico Williams as centre forward and Asensio behind him as the number ten. Keep Torres and Olmo out wide.

I know it is very easy for me to say all this while sipping my Nicolas Blanc de Blancs Grand Cru 2002 Champagne. I am not under pressure.

One of the reasons Klopp is a world class manager is he is prepared to take risks. But principally when he sees that there is no penetration in attack he uses long ball tactics. Spain were unlucky but they lost the plot and eventually lost the game. Too locked into their system. Too rigid. Too one dimensional. Too much structure and not enough fluid. Structured by Cristian Varela poured out of the speakers.

It was lovely to see Morocco go through. A beautiful moment for the whole country. Sarah played La Rose Eternelle by Faylasuf. Bono from U2 has given up his desire to be Pope he is now in goal for Morocco. As Basil would say Boom Boom. He was superb between the sticks.

The Ronaldo soap opera is never ending. A full on fado. A tangled tetchy tango. More plot twists than an episode of Columbo. Actually I would much rather see Peter Falk interview Ronaldo than Piers Morgan. Ronaldo should get Bizarra Locomotiva and Fernando Ribeiro to do the soundtrack to his movie. Sarah put O Anjo Exilado very loud as he was walking off the pitch. Sheer cinematic genius.

It was great to see Ramos shine and demolish Switzerland. Too many Swiss players just didn’t turn up. It was very strange. Having said that Murat Yakin’s hair is sensational. It’s So Good by EDX He should be in the next bond film. Portugal look like they could win the whole thing with Ramos up front.

To start the night off Sarah played Nomad by Sindres and Swango by Laolu. So looking forward to the quarter finals.

THE QUARTER FINALS

A toxic tussle between Netherlands and Argentina.

A bad tempered game to say the least. A flashpoint frenzy. No love lost. Fifteen yellow cards and one red card at the very end. The game was an acid trip. One of the best free kicks in this world cup. It shocked everyone.

Under intense pressure Holland were going out until they invoked their inner Wimbledon crazy gang. Everyone’s jaw dropped. Holland were pure You’ve Changed, I’ve Changed by San Holo and Chet Porter.

A mad game. A brilliant pass from Messi. Two perfect penalties from him. But why did Holland play for penalties and not continue with the long ball game in extra time?

Those tactics got them two goals in ten minutes. Argentina cannot defend balls in the air. Croatia will be looking at their big target men options and seriously considering that strategy. I know I would.

And to top it all the referee was buzzing off his tits. He referees as though he likes Champagne as much as I do. We were drinking Ayala Champagne Brut Majeur.

The penalty saves from Martinez were world class. I imagine the windmills in Holland will be turning very slowly for the next few days. Sarah put on Ferry Corsten’s remix Barber’s Adagio for Strings. An intense night for the Dutch and then she followed it up with Altair by Hernan Cattaneo and Soundexile - Guy J Remix for Argentina.

Croatia are clever. There is so much resilience in those red and white squares. They can play and crucially they can defend. Filthy Shadows by Stiven Rivic and Michael and Levan summed up the mood perfectly after the game.

Croatia were the more intelligent. Brazil just took it easy and didn’t ask enough questions. Brazil didn’t do the work. Although Neymar’s goal was a thing of beauty. They thought they could cruise. Costly mistake. They believed their own hype. Guilia Be was singing Menina Solta. Neymar’s tears were flowing.

Sometimes it is hard to put things into words. Sometimes it just comes down to the basics. England played well. They did their best. Gareth Southgate came good and had a good tournament. His team played for him. France fought hard and ground out a victory. They were winners. We raised our glass of champagne to Les Bleus. It was a Xavier Loriot Extra Brut. We let the music soothe and groove with Andköln - Hunter/Game Remix by Jeremy Olander and then Easy Riding - Sharhrokh Dini Medusa Remix by Automat.

Just one or two details tweaked here and there and the result could have been different. Aurélian

Tchouaméni’s goal was brilliant. The question has to be asked though is why on earth was he given that space and time to make the shot? A lapse in concentration.

The second goal came from a beautiful cross by Griesmann. Again though as a defender you have to stop the cross coming in. It is basic. Equally you don’t let Giroud get in between the two central defenders. Again just a bit more focus and that header could be prevented.

The final detail is all about pressure and trying too hard. At least he tried though. Harry Kane hit the ball too hard. It will be difficult for him especially as Lloris the goalkeeper is probably going to come back to Tottenham Hotspur with a world cup winners medal. Sarah put on Bad Memories by Meduza, James Carter, Ellen Duhé and Fast Boy and then followed it by Lady - Hear Me Tonight by Modjo.

History is being made. Morocco have made the semi finals. It is as though they are Unstoppable by Sia - R3HAB remix.

The game was dominated by the defence of Morocco. They worked hard. They defended. Bouno saves the day again. The country is right to be proud of everything that team has achieved. All I Need by Mednas came through the speakers. Then CTG by Branko and Lúri Oliveira.

It was a difficult night for Ronaldo. If Leão’s cross is inches lower Ronaldo had a free header in front of goal at the last minute. He would have been a hero. Instead he is going home in tears. Now it is time to do nothing and just be Lazy by X- Press 2 and David Byrne.

THE SEMIFINALS

Momentum is everything and Messi is magic. Argentina are looking like a real team. Alvarez and Fernández are the standout players for me. That triumvirate is the key.

All the Argentinian players are coming together just at the right time. I am not sure they have enough to beat France in the final but it will be close.

Croatia are a really good team. Modric is a machine. Gvardiol is a player. The way Messi somehow had the strength and speed to hold off Gvardiol who is a world class defender for the third goal was mindblowing.

Alvarez made the difference too with his energy and determination to get that second goal.

It was Alvarez who got the Messi show on the road. Dejan Lovren was The Sinner - Rick Pier O’Neil, Stiven Rivic, Michael and Levan and Trilucid.

The way he just passed the ball around the Croatian goalkeeper was probably the reason he got the penalty. Still not sure it was a penalty but it was given. Alvarez ran into him. Still the focus Messi showed for the penalty was phenomenal.

Croatia had the game plan to bring on the big man Petkovic and try and steal the victory but Messi had already destroyed them by the time he came on as a substitute.

Argentina will be a real test for France. It won’t be easy. Messi will be hoping for one Last Tango in Paris by Supertangox.

To see Dybala come on for Argentina gives them some serious threat in the final. The only question for me is the fitness of Messi. He was stroking his hamstring at half time. If that was sore he will need it to heal and quickly before Sunday.

Morocco did themselves proud. They dominated France for much of the game. Even outplayed them at times. It was a delight to see. Hakimi, Ounahi, Amrabat and Boufal were simply sensational. Africa is near. Sarah put on Near Me by R3HAB and Burns. The world cup is going there sooner or later. They just didn’t have a goalscorer.

France are favourites for me as they seem to have several more gears. Griesmann and Konaté were superb. And I would put a bet on Konaté scoring a goal in the final. He is brilliant in the air and the French will surely use him in that way as the centre backs for the Argentine team are the weak link. I expect lots of crosses for Giroud. He could very well be the hero for the French team on sunday. Is Giroud going to be the Dreamer by The Blaze? It is going to be a great watch.

What a beautiful unforgettable wild night. Don’t really know where to start. Another sip of champagne will help. A Veuve Cliquot La Grande Dame 2012 by Yayoi Kusama. Sarah is playing Wild Night by Van Morrison and then another laid back tune called Wild Nights by Drum & Lace and Ian Hultquist to try and calm things down a little. It didn’t work. She put on Solar Detroit by Meute.

We have never seen a match like it. It was Across the Ocean by Julien Bracht. Certain moments were out of this world. The second goal for Argentina was sheer beauty. Angel Di Maria had a brilliant game. The best I have ever seen him play. The cute lay off from Messi was good but the pass from Mac Allister. A perfect curve. France didn’t turn up in the game until the 70th minute. That is thanks to the genius of Deschamps. He was Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie and he pulled off a masterstroke. The substitutions he made turned the game on its head. Lolo Muani, Coman, Camavinga and Thuram were incredible. Mbappe’s second goal was majestic.

The pendulum kept on swinging to the very end. The save by Martinez at the death of extra time was monumental.

All the players on the pitch created the most beautiful sporting moment ever. I think the referee has to be included in that as well. He was brilliant. In a way it was sad that there had to be a winner.

Lloris lacked conviction for me on several of the penalties. Martinez was a man possessed.

A big thank you has to go to Otamendi because if he had done his job and did the ugly job of putting the ball in row Z instead of delaying and letting Muani in on the ball then none of the magic would have happened. If Mbappe would have had ten more minutes of extra time he would have finished the game off conclusively. If his cross into Muani was met by his head. It was so She Was Tall, She Was High by The Pretty Things. If Muani had got his head onto that it would have made Argentina cry. The match was rammed full of if moments. The Neon Rats by Moderat crawled all the way through the match creating untold magic. The whole of Argentina now is Astronautin by Stephan Bodzin Hernan Cattaneo and Soundexile. France can Breathe by Pink Floyd. The new generation of players will make their own crowns.

memorabilia

CT Rocks

the george worst's football club

real madrid vs manchester city

arsenal vs bayern munich

liverpool vs real madrid

nottingham forest vs porto

Barcelona vs PSG

liverpool vs atletico madrid

psg vs interchampions league final

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inter vs barcellonachampions league semi-finals

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manchester utd vs lyon Europa League Quarter Finals

arsenal vs real madridChampions League quarter-finals

bournemouth vs manchester city - quarter final

liverpool vs newcastle utd - the carabao cup final

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newcastle vs liverpool

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manchester utd vs leicester

bournemouth vs manchester city

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southampton vs leicester

brentford vs wolves

arsenal vs leicester

manchester city vs arsenal

the story of the blues

men vs boys

aston villa vs arsenal

the winning machine against the blue 42

the euro cup final 2024

the champions league final

a touch of Garnacho

final day

Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester City

real madrid vs bayern munich

bayern munich vs real madrid

manchester city vs chelsea

A day in the life of Erling Haaland

The Premier League Title Is A Moot point

newcastle vs west ham utd

england vs brazil

the frisson of the FA Cup

liverpool vs manchester city

the ballad of phil and marcus

waiting for godot at wembley stadium

newcastle vs bournemouth

Tottenham Hotspur vs Brighton

arsenal vs liverpool

Chelsea vs Middlesborough

the panto season

aston villa vs arsenal

mancity vs spurs

galatasaray vs manchester united

chelsea vs manchester city

NEWCASTLE VS ARSENAL

THE MANCHESTER DERBY

EVERTON VS BOURNEMOUTH

The flimsical world of VAR

The seagulls eating all the cherries

quiche lorraine is the devil

arsenal vs manchester utd

200 seconds

Brian wilson and brighton

PREMIER LEAGUE 2023-2024

the champions league final

the law is an ass

emotions are yellow yellow

we need to talk about football

european nights in may...

Leeds United Valium and The Ten Days of Blue...

the george worst's
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psg vs inter
champions league final

TOTTENHAM VS MANCHESTER UTD
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inter vs barcellona
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barcellona vs inter milan
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manchester utd vs lyon
Europa League Quarter Finals

arsenal vs real madrid
Champions League quarter-finals

champions league
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